20 Signs You Grew Up In Florida

Florida may be the weirdest place on Earth. With a combination of swamps and beaches, unpredictable weather, and a very interesting population, nothing in Florida really follows the status quo. You may hate it sometimes (especially when it’s ninety degrees during winter) but, nevertheless, you know growing up in the Sunshine State made for an awesome childhood. Here are 20 signs you grew up in Florida!

1. You don’t own anything warmer than a hoodie.

The best part of winter is seeing Northerners bundled up in six layers while you’re sitting outside in a light jacket and shorts. Getting a tan.

2. Seeing snow for the first time is a magical experience.

You’ve never seen so much as a snowflake, so when it finally happens, you’re like a kid on Christmas.

3. But ACTUALLY spending winter in the North is torture.

A few days is good to get your snow fix, but once you have to continuously put on four sweaters JUST to get to your car, you’ve had enough. How do people do this for months at a time?!!

4. You’re chill with alligators.

Seeing non-Floridians freak out at the sight of the alligator in your backyard is pretty funny. You’ve known that alligator for years, you’ve probably named him Johnny or Fred, and you know for a FACT that he is way too lazy to try to eat you.

5. If you’re going to be outside for more than five minutes, you can’t straighten your hair.

There is NO way you are going to spend forty minutes burning your scalp for your hair to just poof up the second you step outside. Trying to have a good hair day in July? Give it up. Not gonna happen.

6. You can never trust the weather report.

The Weather Channel says it’ll rain today? Don’t cancel your beach plans just yet. Florida weather is ridiculously unpredictable. It’ll rain for thirty minutes, and then it’ll be bright and sunny for the rest of the day. Basically, no one ever knows what’s going on. It’s great.

7. Or the sky, for that matter.

Just to make you even MORE uncertain, Florida skies are impossible to read. It can be clear and blue, but that doesn’t mean there won’t be a downpour. Don’t worry, though. There’s a good chance you can drive ten minutes in any direction where there will be completely different weather.

8. You wear flip flops EVERYWHERE.

I don’t know if there was a statewide conference where everyone in Florida decided this, but flip flops/sandals are definitely the shoe of choice around here. Whether you’re going to school, the mall, a party, or wherever else, it’s way easier to just throw on some flip flops.

9. You avoid I-4 at all costs.

If you don’t want to deal with all the traffic going to and from Orlando, then you know to steer clear of I-4. You could be stuck there for hours. Days. Months. (Okay, I’m exaggerating, but you get the point.)

10. You went to Disney World way too often as a child.

Day off at school? Birthday? Holiday weekend? Family trips to Disney World were so frequent that you definitely got annual passes and filled up your character autograph book.

11. Halloween Horror Nights terrified you, but you went anyway.

So, your friends dragged you there, and you were definitely about to pee yourself the whole time, but you still had a great time. The zombies chasing you through the park were only slightly scarring.

12. Publix is THE grocery store.

Winn Dixie who? Nothing beats the free cookies, the amazing service, and – of course – the Pub Subs (no other sub can even compare, tbh.)

13. Speaking of Publix, you almost definitely went there for a field trip in elementary school.

I’m still fuzzy on why exactly schools thought that a bunch of ten-year-olds would love to go to their local grocery store and learn about produce, but nonetheless, it happened. Hey, at least we got free food out of it.

14. You know to avoid the beach during Spring Break.

Unless you want to deal with absolutely NO parking, highly intoxicated college kids leaving trash everywhere, and zero peace and quiet (which is what most people come to the beach for in the first place??) then you might as well stay home.

15. Actually, you just avoid going ANYWHERE during Spring Break.

Spring Break means an influx of people all over Florida. During this time, you basically can’t drive anywhere (unless you live on the coast or in Orlando/Miami, in which case, you can never drive anywhere, anyway.)

16. There are only two types of drivers: Those who drive really fast, and those who drive REALLY slow.

There is no middle ground in Florida. Does anyone even know what the actual speed limit is anymore???

17. There’s ALWAYS construction going on.

If the roads aren’t being ripped apart, then a brand new neighborhood is being built, or a building is being knocked down. When will it ever end?!!

18. You are no longer surprised when you find out some freak accident/murder/robbery/etc. happened in Florida.

Come on, why is it always us? Why does nothing bad ever happen in, like, Idaho or something? The most memorable hometown story I remember hearing about is of a naked, drug-induced man chewing off a homeless man’s face. Yeah. Florida is CRAZY.

19. Two words: Snowbird Season.

Lasting from about mid-October to April 1st, there will be a significant increase in the amount of old people around you. Good for tourism, bad for traffic.