Ever wondered what it would be like to date someone with an INTJ Myers-Briggs personality type? They’re an elusive bunch, but they’re pretty easy to spot once you know what to look for. Figure out if you’re dating an INTJ with these telltale signs.
Everyone is a little curious at the start of a relationship. You ask them questions, they ask you questions. But INTJs want to be asking all the questions. They’re not particularly fond of opening up, but they’ll make short work of finding out what you’re all about—usually in unique, to-the-point questions that have you considering getting your life in order.
You may think the curiosity will wear off as they get to know you, but that simply won’t be the case. Once you’ve snagged an INTJ’s attention, they will remain curious about you as you continue to change and grow.
Depending on how you look at it, this INTJ trait can be a plus or a negative. Unlike many know-it-alls who can be easily disproved, though, INTJs are usually frustratingly right when they rattle off a fact or feel the need to correct something you said. For them, it stems less from a need to show off and more from a compulsive desire to share their knowledge with people they care about and the (sometimes misguided) assumption that you don’t want to continue using incorrect information or mispronouncing a word.
While this can easily get on some people’s nerves, it’s worth understanding that INTJs are knowledge-seekers and will appreciate you sharing your expertise if you can appreciate theirs.
For some, meeting someone who hates small talk to the point of being awful at it is refreshing. For others, this can be a hurdle if you’re trying to use small talk to break the ice. If you’re dating an INTJ, then you might notice all your attempts at small talk are met with sarcasm, silence, or a detour into something they’d rather talk about.
Take comfort in knowing this has nothing to do with you and everything to do with an INTJ’s desire to not waste time and cut to the chase. If they didn’t want to talk to you, they would have walked away, to begin with.
Ah, the notorious INTJ biting wit. If your INTJ has been good at hiding the rest of their personality traits until now, then the first sign you’ll likely run into is their penchant for sarcasm. As an analytical bunch with a low tolerance for people who lack common sense and a high appreciation for wordplay, sarcasm is an INTJ’s go-to mode of humor and fallback when you’ve rendered them (almost) speechless.
Consider yourself lucky if you’ve stunned your INTJ into silence. Sarcasm is their first language, so having nothing to say is a good sign that you’ve broken through one of their barriers.
If there’s one thing to be said about INTJs, it’s that they’re not an (outwardly) emotional bunch. If you’re dating an INTJ guy, this might be harder to puzzle out at first since many guys are taught to conceal their emotions. However, it could be the first clue you’re dating an INTJ girl when she shatters your expectations of women by never crying, getting over-excited, or angry unless she’s been pushed to her breaking point.
Being exceedingly logical has earned INTJs a reputation for being emotionless, but if you date one long enough, you’ll find it’s quite the opposite: once an INTJ feels something for someone, whether platonic or romantic, it’s a deep and unconditional love and loyalty.
This can be a sign that goes unnoticed if you’re not looking for it. INTJs aren’t the best at whispering sweet nothings and carrying out grand acts of romance, but they are known for taking care of their loved ones. An INTJ may never have a cutesy nickname for you, but if you find that they’re always cooking for you, trying to pay for everything, and doing small tasks to make your life easier, you might be dating an INTJ.
There may be long stretches of time between compliments, but you’ll rarely go a day without hearing “How are you feeling?” and “Is there anything I can do?”
This might be one of the most striking indicators you’re dating an INTJ when you’re first getting into a relationship. Even if you’re well-established in your routine, most people put their life on hold a bit when they start dating, allowing their new partner to take up plenty of their time and attention.
Not so with INTJs. If they like you, they’ll certainly set time aside for you, but their whole world won’t revolve around you (and they don’t expect yours to revolve around them). INTJs like to stay busy with numerous hobbies and goals, so they won’t take it personally if you need to cancel plans last-minute; it just means they get to stay home.
This can be said of many personality types, but what sets an INTJ’s ambitions apart from others is the sheer detail they’ve put into their ideas. Asking an INTJ about their dreams for the future or career goals will rarely earn a vague response like “get a puppy,” “own a house,” or “become a vet.”
No, if your INTJ feels comfortable enough talking to you, you can bet they’ve got a step-by-step guide to how they’re going to achieve each individual goal, complete with backup plans for their backup plans.
Going hand-in-hand with their own ambitions is an INTJ’s own special form of love: challenging you to grow and meet your goals. Part of their desire to take care of you is to make sure you get everything you want out of life.
Don’t be surprised if you mention wanting to do something only for your INTJ to research everything they can about the subject so they can discuss options with you later. If your partner is constantly approaching you with new ideas and findings related to your goals, it’s possible you’re dating an INTJ.
If you’ve discovered the person you’re dating is Hermione Granger inside, always with their nose in a book and seeming to know something about everything, always annoyed when they have to correct misinformation, they might be an INTJ. INTJs are suckers for learning new facts and skills, sometimes even when it’s completely unrelated to their interests—they just like learning for the sake of learning.
Don’t worry if an INTJ has singled you out as their new learning project: it all pays off in wonderfully specific gifts, advice for following your dreams in a way that is sure to succeed, and someone who is eternally curious about and attentive to you.
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