Scary Pets Who Look Like They Might Murder You
I think most of us implicitly trust our animal friends not to murder us, but there is no doubt that some scary pets exist. When you consider that pets are really being held captive against their will for our amusement, it’s a miracle of human self-interest that they don’t rise up against us. Still, if the following furry friends are any indication, we should be sleeping with one eye open. Please enjoy this collection of homicidal looking pets, and maybe watch your back. You never know when the revolution might start.
Vincent
Aww, now that’s adorable! Right? Wrong! This criminal mastermind spent decades in prison for violent crimes. He may look like a harmless little chick, but that’s how he gets you. He draws you in with his unrelenting cuteness and then that’s when he strikes!
Wilson
It’s very rare to see the paranormal activity caught on camera so clearly, but what we have here is indisputable proof of demonic possession. As far as scary pets go, it’s hard to beat true supernatural evil. Call a priest and bust out the holy water, it’s time for an exorcism!
This Menacing Dogue De Bordeaux
Have you ever seen such determination before? Such singularity of purpose is utterly petrifying, and this dog is not to be trifled with. What has this canine so enthralled? Sure, it’s probably just a tennis ball or the booty of another dog just waiting to be sniffed, but what if it’s not? What if that’s bloodlust on this dog’s face? I, for one, never want to find out.
That Dog’s Cousin
Wow, psychopathy must run in the family. Is that a dog or Venom? While we can take solace in the certainty that there is in fact a ball in the photo, how do we know it stops there? How do we know the symbiote hasn’t taken over this poor pup’s body? How do we know this isn’t Tom Hardy himself? I’m really asking. I didn’t see “Venom.”
Pumpkin
Good lord! This cat looks like an even less friendly version of Brak from “Space Ghost.” Imagine picking up a cat and it looks at you like this. My soul would leave my body. Of all the scary pets I’ve seen, this one perhaps has the most disdainful face. That is a look of pure hatred. Who hurt you Pumpkin? Who hurt you?
This… Person?
This is more chilling than an actual Bigfoot sighting. What is this little critter up to? What is going into that shopping basket? Why is it standing upright? If this isn’t the beginning of a true crime drama then I don’t know what it is. This animal has to be on its way to bury a body, right? Somebody put them on a watchlist. Lives are at stake!
This… Uncooked Turkey?
Ok, this is the first time that I feel like whoever took the picture kind of deserves it. They had to put those googly eyes on this poor thing’s butt and tuck its tail underneath just to set up this image. I almost feel like it’s winking at another person who’s in the room, as if to say “Yeah, have your fun now, Karen, but I’m coming from you. You won’t know where, and you won’t know when, but I’m coming.”
This Desperate Hedgehog
Look at little Sonic, emerging from the water to exact his revenge. Like the first organism to crawl out of the primordial ooze, this little guy is about to make history. No one takes him seriously, but he’s about to prove that scary pets come in all shapes and sizes. “Gotta go fast” is what you should be saying as you flee from his unrelenting wrath.
This Grown Ass Man
This dog is far more of a man than I’ll ever be. Look at that posture, look at those muscles, look at that beard! I could only dream of being so masculine. This dog is going to kill me with his bare hands and then steal my girlfriend and honestly, he deserves it. I hope he treats her well.
This Evil Genius
Now this is undoubtedly the cutest and most iconic of all the scary pets so far. This little bastard has come up with a scheme so dastardly, so villainous, that its machinations can no longer be hidden to the world. The hands, the eyes, the grin, they all say “world domination.” When this lizard finally kills us all, at least we know that it wasn’t personal, we were just pawns in the game of 3D chess it’s playing with human civilization.
The Sphynx
Alright, I’ve got to admit some bias here. I hate sphynx cats. I think they’re so creepy. If you love them then more power to you, but you can’t look at this image and tell me my disdain for them is irrational. Why would you want to invite that into your home? Why would you want to bring home an elderly alien? This one’s going to haunt my nightmares for sure. I’m so glad I’ve never had sleep paralysis. Yet.
Electro-Hamster
This poor hamster was clearly just struck by lightning, but somehow lived to nibble some more. Who doesn’t love a good origin story? The question here is are we witnessing the rise of the newest hero or villain? Is there an altruistic gerbil out there ready to take Electro-Hamster under his wing, or will it fall to the darkness? Only time will tell. I mean, it sort of looks like Bernie Sanders, so there’s hope!
Satan
Might as well cap off this list with the dark lord themselves! I wonder if cats go to Hell. If they do, I’m sure this kitty would be just fine. Still, I would surely wet myself and cower in fear if this were my feline friend.
