So you found the perfect guy. He’s sweet, he’s kind, he’s loving and he pays extra attention to you. You feel like the most special person in the world.
It doesn’t take long before you start realizing that he’s paying a LOT of attention to you.
He’s showing up in the friends lists of all your social media accounts, some of which you don’t remember even getting a request for. It’s not a huge deal if you approved them all, but if something seems suspicious, you need to try and remember if it was you who approved the requests, or if it’s possible he hacked into your accounts to add himself to keep an eye on you and the things you’re saying.
He’s texting you at all hours of the day and night to find out where you are and what you’re doing. If you don’t answer fast enough, a string of phone calls comes in. You may or may not have a chance to answer those calls before voicemail after voicemail appears. It doesn’t take long before the voicemails get angry. Eventually, the threats and accusations start.
He starts asking you how you know every friend on your list. You notice that he focuses primarily on the men. If you admit that you’re still friends with someone you were intimate with, you notice that he zeros in on that person and starts asking you specifics.
If he starts asking for details about your past relationships, you need to be careful. Being asked if you carry any STDs is a normal, and acceptable concern and question. But if he starts asking where they live, for their phone numbers or for specific details about your relationship with those people, you need to step back and assess the situation.
This is a MAJOR red flag. There is absolutely NO reason he needs your passwords. Your accounts are yours and there is no reason he needs access to them. Don’t let him tell you that it would make him more comfortable to know what you’re up to. Don’t let him convince you that he wants to make sure you’re being honest about the people you know, how you know them, or what kind of contact you’ve had with them. If he doesn’t believe you based on your word (presuming you’ve been honest with him all along) then it might be time to step back and consider whether this relationship is worth it.
You notice that he preoccupies you so much that you hardly talk to your friends and family. Or he’s asking you to not talk about your life with him with them. Before you know it, he’s the only one you talk to. If you realize that phone numbers are disappearing from your phone you might want to start thinking about things. If he starts accusing them of saying or doing things so that you’ll be angry with them and choose to cut them out of your life, you need to not just walk away, you need to run away! He’s controlling.
You go to the pharmacy with him to pick up a prescription. Pretty routine outing. However, when he realizes the pharmacist is a man, he directs you to not look at him. This is a classic sign of a controlling man. You walk into a gas station together and he notices that someone walking past has caught your attention and you look at them. You’re suddenly getting the third degree about who that person is, how you know them and you’re asked repeatedly if you’re sleeping with them. Telling him the person is a stranger and you have no idea who they are doesn’t ease the accusations and questions.
You keep catching him with your phone in his hands. When you ask why he claims his wasn’t close and he just wanted to check something quickly. Yes, occasionally this can happen, so if you notice it once, don’t jump to conclusions and automatically think he’s controlling, but if you notice that it continues to happen, again and again, it might be time to consider either putting a lock on your phone or changing the existing one.
While every man has a style they like on a woman if he starts making remarks on your clothing and insisting you start wearing styles you wouldn’t normally choose for yourself, be careful. It’s ok to change your style a little bit, but changing everything completely is a big sign of letting someone else take control.
If you’re an avid social media user, and he tells you to stop, it’s time to consider your options. Is it possible he simply thinks you use it too much and simply wants you to cut back? Totally. Is he asking you to stay off because you’re on a date and not paying attention to him? That’s possible too. But if you’re being told to stay off social media even if your spare and personal downtime, it’s questionable and a classic sign he’s a controlling guy.
It comes down to following your gut. If something doesn’t seem right, it probably isn’t. Don’t let him make you think you’re seeing things, or that you’re crazy. Don’t let him manipulate you into thinking these things are normal because oftentimes, controlling behavior becomes abusive behavior and nobody deserves that kind of treatment. You deserve love and respect. If you’re not getting it, it’s time to let go and move on. You’re worth more than that!
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