Getting older and wiser has its perks, especially when it leads to better sex. If you started out when you were young and inexperienced, chances are you’ve learned a thing or two about what you want when the clothes start coming off. These are 10 reasons your 20’s should bring you better sex than your teens.
Most people aren’t instantly good at things the first time around. Things can get awkward when you and your partner are fumbling around each other’s bodies because you’re still too new at this whole sex thing. Over time, you’ll develop a sense of familiarity with having sex that will make you more comfortable with your body. You’ll also develop certain skills or positions that you feel confident in bringing into bed.
It’s easy to feel unsure about what you’re doing with your partner when you haven’t had the chance to really discover what works. When you’re older, chances are you’ve learned a thing or two about what guys like and the more you do something, the easier it gets. It’s like riding a bike… but this type of riding is a little more fun.
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In my early sex days, I felt pressure to always make sure the man was the one enjoying himself. Whatever speed or position or foreplay he initiated, I went with. As I got older, I realized sex should be just as much about me feeling good, if not more. I needed to take control of the situation sometimes and be more invested in my own pleasure points.
Men get so caught up in the moment sometimes that our needs are glazed over. We all know that feeling when guys start thrusting at hyper speed and you realize your orgasm is not coming and he’s now taking care of himself. It may be necessary to tell that jack rabbit to slow down and make sure he’s not running off to the finish line alone. When you’re older and more self-assured, it’s easier to interrupt his marathon and make sure you get yours.
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Not knowing if your fantasies are “normal” or not can make you hold yourself back in the sheets. You might feel shy and awkward asking for a little extra roughness or to role play, etc. If you’ve got a few partners under your belt, you’ll learn that everyone has things that they like that might seem out of the box. I was too shy to ask for what I wanted because I was afraid that it wasn’t part of standard sex.
You’ll be pleasantly surprised when you admit what it is that you actually want and your man is pumped to try it out. Having the willingness to experiment will elevate your sexual experience and increase satisfaction. There are so many toys and games and techniques that you shouldn’t be afraid to make part of your bag of tricks. When you speak up and acknowledge what you need, you never know what new (back)doors could open.
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Not seeming cool or laidback was a big fear of mine when I was in my late teens in college. I let myself get talked into sexual situations that I wasn’t totally on board with because I didn’t want to be perceived as lame or uptight. Sometimes, I had gotten a little too far and I felt too awkward to say no to the sexual advances because I was already in too deep.
Now that I’m in my mid-20’s, my self respect and self worth is on a whole different level than it was when I was in college. I don’t let awkwardness or skewed perceptions of me affect what I want to do with my body. This has led to better sex because I’m not having stiff “just-get-it-over-with” sex and am instead only engaging in partnerships that I genuinely want to be in.
Ladies love red flags. Bad boys, emotionally unavailable, unpredictable… we flock to it like white on rice. But there are certain red flags that should be deal breakers for bedroom rendezvous. The more experience you have, the easier it will be to spot the warning signals so you don’t end up having cringe-worthy sex. Let’s go over a couple examples.
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Maybe the warning signs weren’t obvious or you chose to ignore them, but there will always come a time when you are halfway through a hookup and you realize that it is not going as expected. As a grown woman, you’ll know when you should call it quits. If you’re not fully into it, you have no obligation to follow through.
Walking away from sub-par sex will likely benefit both you and your potential partner; if you have lost the passion, the man you’re with can probably pick up on that energy and then you’re both wasting your time. Sex should be one of the best things you can do for your body and you owe it to yourself to only engage when its enjoyable.
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There is a good chance that there has been a time in every woman’s early sex life when she falsely thought she was having orgasms during sex. I know I did, and I thought the described euphoria of orgasms must just be exaggerated. And then I actually had one. And everything changed.
It is absolutely possible to have mind-blowing sex without actually finishing. However, finally knowing what an unrestrained orgasm can feel like shed a new light on how I needed my body to be stimulated. It changed how I had sex because I had a new goal to achieve and I finally knew how to get there.
I don’t know about you, but looking back at the people I thought were worth my time is actually laughable now in hindsight. As a younger and more vulnerable girl, some guys made it into my bedroom when they absolutely did not deserve to be there.
I am more selective and more cautious now about who I hook up with. I’ve also learned that sex is much better when there are feelings involved. I can now choose partners who make more sense for me and really let myself get into the moment, knowing that the person I’m with is actually a good idea. Emotional intimacy is an essential ingredient for unhinged passion.
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A college career can certainly be stressful, but there’s a lot of opportunity to blow off steam. House parties, tailgates, lounging in common areas… college stress is just a bit different than post-grad stress. When you’re out in the real world working your full-time job, you’ll need an outlet that will help relax you and bring back you back to center.
Some want to come home to a hot meal, but who doesn’t want to come home to a hot partner? There’s nothing quite like a raunchy pick me up after a long day at the office. Sex can be more appreciated when its something to look forward to while you’re counting down the hours until you come home.
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This may come as a shock to some, but, not every guy who tries to sleep with you wants to make you his girlfriend and take you home to his family. This was a lesson that took me a hot minute to learn. I ended up getting myself in several sticky situations because of a lack of communication regarding expectations and what our “relationship” really was.
Thankfully, when you get a little older, you can more readily identify the guys who are just meant to be flings. There is nothing wrong with just having fun, but it helps to be able to intentionally separate your feelings so that you don’t get hurt in the end. You’ll have better sex knowing up front that you’re just in it for the lust, not love.
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