Breakups are inevitable, and everyone is going to experience at least one breakup in their lifetime. It’s important to remember that grieving a relationship is part of the healing process, and feeling helpless or lost after a breakup doesn’t make you weak.
While grieving is important for properly putting an ended relationship to rest, this process should not go on indefinitely, and you’ll eventually need to start picking yourself up and moving forward. There is also a huge difference between mourning a relationship and throwing yourself a pity party. Instead of feeling sorry for yourself, turn your negative energy into productive opportunities.
To help you transition from the mourning stage to the glow-up stage, here are 12 reasons why you should stop sulking after a breakup.
Whether or not you were in an abusive or otherwise unhappy relationship, your relationship ended for a reason. If your partner ended it, that means they were unhappy or they were just unwilling to forge onward for whatever reason. While this realization might hurt, it’s still comforting to know that you’re no longer in a relationship that’s one-sided.
And if you were in an abusive or unhappy relationship, just remember that being single is not a disease. It’s temporary, and it’s going to make you stronger.
We often associate the word “single” with negative connotations because many people are insecure and don’t understand that others are single by choice. Being in a relationship does not validate whether or not you are an appealing or attractive person, and people in relationships often endure forms of abuse just to avoid being single to avoid the stigma.
Break this ridiculous cycle by embracing your solidarity and by reminding others that one’s worth is not measured by another’s validation.
We tend to neglect our friends when we’re in a relationship simply because relationships take a lot of time and energy to maintain. Even if you regularly made time for your friends during your relationship, it’s still a nice gesture to remind them how important they are to you and to vow that you’ll hang out even more often now that you’ve got some extra free time.
Friendship is a natural medicine that will lift your spirits during a breakup, so be vulnerable and trust them to help you get back on your feet.
Take advantage of your newfound downtime by pampering yourself and incorporating some self-care practices into your daily routine. Get your nails done, do face masks, take bubble baths, read some new books, and indulge on the snacks and sweets a little bit!
All relationships teach us something new—even the bad ones. For instance, if you think too highly of your partner and are crushed when they disappoint you, then you’ve learned how to read others’ actions as signs of character flaws. If your partner did something during your relationship that seemed like a red flag and later turned into a major issue, then you’ve learned to trust your instincts and notice certain types of red flags that you won’t stand for.
While we often tend to blame our partners for our relationships failing, we must practice self-reflection to identify our own faults. Ask yourself what your role was in the breakup, how you might avoid another breakup in the future, and what the root cause was. If you are on the receiving end of the breakup, then it’s important for you to practice self-reflection so that you can rationally identify what went wrong instead of blindly and endlessly wondering. This practice will also help you procure closure.
On the other hand, if you delivered the breakup, ask yourself these questions to determine what drove you to end the relationship as well as to help you figure out what exactly you want and don’t want from future relationships.
All that you’ve learned from your past relationships will help you determine what you want in future relationships. If you want to eventually get married, then every breakup you go through will give you time to self-reflect, reevaluate your wants and needs, and find someone who more closely mirrors your ideal spouse.
You’re also able to handle disagreements much more efficiently when you’ve been through a relationship that ended. Since you now know what is grounds for ending a relationship, you can avoid getting to that point in your future relationships.
Another productive way to spend your downtime is by occupying your hands with any kind of hobby or activity that brings you comfort and does not remind you of your ex-partner. Do yourself a favor and keep your mind, body, and spirit occupied as frequently as possible.
Exercise doesn’t just make you feel better about how you look; it actually releases endorphins that give you the sensation of being happy and accomplished. Dedicate time and energy each day to a healthy lifestyle routine that requires considerable focus and effort so that your mind and body are consistently occupied.
If you went through a rough breakup where your former partner was emotionally abusive, achieving personal success is the most satisfying revenge.
When you go through a breakup, it’s very likely that you’ll feel like you’ll never be happy again, you’ll never meet the right person, and you’ll never be good enough for anyone. All these feelings are projections of emotional trauma, which occurs when you’re unwillingly separated from someone or something you love deeply.
It’s important that you remind yourself that these feelings are only temporary and that, as time passes, they will eventually start to fade—but only if you allow yourself to move on.
Whether you believe in God or simply “what goes around comes around,” it’s important to remember that we can’t control every aspect of our lives—especially who will decide to stick around and who will prove temporary. When something falls apart, something else comes together—not always immediately, but always nevertheless.
Take me for example. I endured an emotionally abusive relationship on and off for three years because I thought I would never meet anyone better. Once I decided I deserved more, I allowed myself to move on, and just a couple months later I met the person who I would eventually marry. But I had to let the former relationship go before I could fully grow and move forward, which is why we must trust the universal promise that “everything happens for a reason.”
Whether you were in an abusive or a happy relationship, being single means being free—free to answer to only yourself and focus on what makes you happy and helps you grow. In a happy relationship, we often place our partner’s happiness above our own and neglect ourselves, whereas in an abusive relationship, happiness is never properly cultivated.
Enjoy the freedom you have to focus on loving and accepting yourself before rushing into another relationship. Embrace the fact that you have no one to answer to and no one to please. Once you’ve reached the point where your solitude has become your happiness, you’re ready to get back out there—but only if you want to!
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