It is common for many girls (and guys) to step into college with the fear that they won’t be accepted because of their sexual status. They may be worried they will not find friends or a long term partner because people will judge them for having too much sex in college, or the latter, being too prude. I know this because I was one of the latter. This was how I felt when I first started college, and let me just clarify this- I couldn’t be more wrong with my assumptions. No matter whether you are interested in having sex in college or not, keep reading for these eleven reasons why it’s OK to NOT have sex in college, if that is your decision.
I am an International student and despite growing up far away from America, I always felt close to it because of the media. I have always been obsessed with American pop culture and have spent hours watching tons of TV shows and movies, reading books and listening to music. I figured it would give me a pretty good idea about how the culture here is like, and what the norms are. And it did. But I didn’t realize how wrong the media could be sometimes while portraying issues such as this.
Every movie or show you see, you will notice how sex is shown as a necessity to fit in. Those who haven’t “gotten laid” yet are shown as losers and are made fun of. For example, in Friends, Chandler was embarrassed when Ross revealed that the first time Chandler had touched a woman’s breasts was when he was 19.
In Grey’s Anatomy, everyone started laughing and making fun of April when she said she was 27 and still a virgin because she was waiting till marriage.
The entire plot of the 1999 sex comedy American Pie is four best friends desperately trying to lose their virginity before graduating high school (and they successfully do so one way or another, all of them on Prom Night), while their fifth friend, a player, keeps bragging about how many girls he has scored with. Why? Why is it so important that they have sex before going off to college? So they don’t lose face? So they can transition from boys to men?
Perhaps this is America’s desperate way to shed off the “conservative” image and be more open minded. I know they initially tried to use the power of media to try and change the common perception that sex is a taboo thing. I know it’s not. Sex is supposed to be an amazing experience. If one feels ready for it and know it’s what they really want, they should totally go for it, whether it’s before marriage or after, and whether it’s the first person they are having it with or the fifth.
Sex should be one’s own personal choice, not their friends’, not their parents’, not the society’s and not the media’s. But somewhere along the way, the media lost track and focused too much on trying to make sex in college a topic that can be included in everyday conversation. It started neglecting the people who don’t fall into that category.
Even if, at times, the media comes up with a character that is waiting for whatever reason, it doesn’t stick. The character always changes their mind, thinking the wait is not worth it after all. Or they grow frustrated and give in to their impulse, which leads to them having sex in college, and not when they feel ready and/or not with the person they think is right for them. This makes people doubt their choices and creates a false impression that maybe they should just do it.
Last year, New York Magazine carried out a survey and found out 39% of the 700 college students reported to be virgins at the time. 87% of the students who have had sex before said they have been in love at least once, while 50% of the virgins reported of having been in love at least once. The survey also revealed that 74% of freshmen and sophomores and 64% of juniors and seniors believed they were far less sexually active than their classmates.
It is clear that most college students assume sex is no big deal for the people surrounding them. In any case, regardless of what everyone else “seems” to be doing, no one should have to feel pressurized to take part in the hookup culture.
I know you are scared, but once you start college, you will see how silly those fears are, because your sex life does not even remotely affect your social life. If you ever come across someone who makes you feel uncomfortable for your choices or tries to manipulate you into doing it, you should not allow such a person to be a part of your life.
A lot of people might say sex brings greater intimacy in relationships. While that’s true, contrary to popular belief, sex is not everything. I know a lot of guys who are not virgins but who would be willing to wait for their partner.
There are hundreds of other ways to be intimate. There are so many other ways to show your love if you feel like you are not quite ready for sex in college.
People who say the first time is overrated, or is not that special, are wrong. Yes, it may not be great, it may be messy or painful, but despite that, the first time will always be special and wonderful and meaningful. So whether you are waiting till marriage, waiting to fall in love or already are in love, when, how and with whom you lose your v-card, is absolutely up to you and you should take pride in that.
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