Have you ever spent hours analyzing his texts, trying to decipher the meaning of every period or random emoji? Have you ever sent screenshots to your friends with the words “HELP” and “WHAT DOES IT MEAN”? Well, put down the phone – unless you’re reading this on your phone, in which case, keep reading – and listen to all the reasons you need to stop stressing over his messages. Ultimately, he probably doesn’t mean what you think he means.
To begin the conversation about analyzing his texts, here’s a simple truth: men tend to be pretty straightforward. They don’t play all the complicated dating games girls can sometimes get caught in. Whereas us girls sometimes feel this stress over sending the right thing at the right time – we can’t reply right away, but we can’t wait so long they forget about us – guys reply when they figure out what to say. That is to say, if he leaves you on read, it’s not always because he doesn’t like you anymore – most of the time it’s just because he doesn’t have anything to say right then. Give him time, he’ll come back with some funny meme or reply. I’m telling you, most guys are pretty uncomplicated.
Unfortunately, while it’s true that if he likes you, he’ll make that pretty clear, the opposite is also true. If you’re getting pretty consistent signs that he’s not interested, stop trying to decipher some clue that he’s interested. If he doesn’t really reply, or his replies are pretty short and he’s not really contributing to the conversation, that’s a good indication that he doesn’t want anything. But if 75% of the time he’s giving as much to the conversation as you are, making jokes and asking questions, then that’s a pretty solid sign that he likes you. So trust that whatever he’s saying is what’s true – he’s not trying to confuse you, you just need to believe what you see.
Here’s a big reason analyzing his texts is unnecessary: if he likes you, he’ll talk to you. Now, that doesn’t mean he’ll always text first or that he’ll always say something romantic that’ll make it clear how he feels. But if he’s talking to you – really talking – then that’s a good enough reason to feel confident. Guys don’t talk if they’re not interested. They’ll say the least amount necessary to get by and then leave the conversation as quickly as they can. But if you can see that most of your conversations are genuine conversations where both parties are contributing, then you don’t need to read into the texts themselves.
This stands for whatever the conversation is about. If it’s a few hours of sending funny TikToks back and forth or commenting on the basketball game or even just poking fun at each other, it’s a good sign that he’s interested. You don’t have to analyze what he says – just look at the fact that he’s saying anything at all, and he’s saying it a lot. Don’t stress about the contents, just having fun getting to know him!
If your friends say it’s flirting, if your mom says it’s flirting, if your friends’ moms say it’s flirting, then you need to stop analyzing his texts and just accept that it’s flirting. We all know what flirting looks like. If he looks at you a lot, smiles when he sees you, sends you messages joking about being your boyfriend – girl, come on. You don’t need to analyze his messages, there are no mixed signals. The boy likes you and you know it.
Even if you’re bad at flirting yourself, romantic comedies have done a great job of showing us what flirting is supposed to look like. And honestly, even if you’re not sure, if everyone around you says it’s flirting then they’re pretty accurate. See, guys usually don’t act flirty with girls they don’t like. Sometimes you find guys that are flirty with everyone, but most guys are pretty clear when they’re genuinely flirting. It doesn’t take a group of scientists reading between the lines of his messages to decipher if he’s flirting – if it looks like he’s being flirty, then nine times out of ten he probably is.
Something else to consider when analyzing his texts: why are you doing it? What’s making you feel like whatever he’s saying is so unclear? Where are the mixed signals coming from? It’s time to look at why you can’t just relax and believe what he’s saying or trust that his flirting is genuine. Is it because you seeing him flirting with other girls and can’t trust that he’s being genuine with you? Is it because one day he’s really nice to you and then he’ll ghost you for a week with no word? Or maybe it’s because he’s lied to you before about menial things and now you can’t trust anything he’s saying about liking you or wanting to date?
One reason these questions need to be considered is that they are all huge red flags that might indicate that you shouldn’t go for him anyway. If he’s super flirty with everyone – and like really flirty, not just generally nice to everyone – and you can’t even be comfortable in the initial talking stages, then how are you going to be comfortable in a relationship? You won’t. If he leads you around in circles, being nice one day and then ignoring you, that’s clear signs of manipulation and you don’t need that in a partner. So look at what makes it so hard for you to take his messages at face value and ask yourself why you’re analyzing them.
On the previous note of asking yourself why you’re analyzing his texts, also question if you’re not feeling confident in his words because of what he himself has done or whether it’s just leftover baggage from previous relationships. Sometimes, it can be really difficult to understand that toxic habits aren’t a part of all people. Just because your ex lied or cheated or broke your trust doesn’t mean that your current crush is going to be the same way. Are you analyzing his messages because you’re not sure about his feelings, or because your ex made you feel like you can’t trust clear flirting at face value.
The biggest problem with new relationships is that we all have the habit of carrying baggage from past relationships with us. You can’t walk into a new house expecting it to have the same problems your old house did right? That’s part of why you chose a NEW house. So don’t expect your new crush to have the same problems as your old one. Don’t stress about his texts because your afraid he’s going to be like the one before – let him show you who he is.
While I know that analyzing his texts is a lot easier than just asking him “are you flirting or not,” I just want to point out that the latter is the only real way to know what his messages mean. Communication is so essential to relationships, and yet we are more afraid of it than anything else. And while the fear is understandable – rejection is a cruel mistress – it’s important that you establish that open line of communication early. So if you don’t know what his messages mean, ask!
Don’t be afraid to be like “Hey, I know we’ve been talking for a while, but I was just wondering – are you flirting? Because I’m definitely flirting and I just want to make sure we’re on the same page.” Ask him what the flirty memes mean, or why he’s sending love songs to you after he’s been drinking, or why does he flirt over text but never makes a move in person? If you’re really stumped over what his messages mean, ask. And don’t ask your friends – ask him. It’s the best way to get a clear answer over what his texts mean.
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