From an early age it is instilled in us to find ‘Mr Right’ and hold onto him when we do. And I am sure many of us think we have. But sometimes there’s that little voice in your head that wonders if there is a little more to life at this point, right? Navigating your teens and early twenties is undeniably hard but those challenges are what shape us. Whether it has been 3 months or 3 years, a break up is always hard. Human emotion is extremely complicated but what goes down must go up and the light at the end of the tunnel will soon start getting bigger and brighter. Sometimes being in a relationship does not allow enough time for yourself and that is crucial in understanding why breaking up with a perfectly good guy is okay. Untangling those feelings of love and care for another person is difficult but doable and here is why it is okay to do so.
No matter how great a person is, sometimes the relationship can simply run its course without rhyme or reason. During this time, it is important to not torture yourself with why and how this could have happened but to realise that it can just stop serving you. It is okay to have once been inseparable and not be able to imagine life without your partner but it is equally okay to end the relationship if you feel you are not getting the best out of it anymore – whether that is emotionally, physically, or in many cases you may have outgrown the relationship or the person you are with. A relationship should be a source of happiness and even relationships with good guys can sometimes just not be happy but it is okay to leave and find happiness elsewhere.
Cliché yes, but you are young! It is important to have time to grow and to learn about yourself and the world around you. The voice in your head is right, there is more to life than being in a relationship. It is important to not rely on relationships for your happiness. Breaking up with a good guy is okay because it gives you time to focus on yourself, become more worldly and meet an abundance of new people. Now is the time to learn about yourself, your behaviours and habits. In an age where we are told not to love ourselves it is important we do and sometimes these things just are not possible while we are giving ourselves to someone else so whole-heartedly.
This is a red flag. You might feel guilty for leaving a perfectly good guy but that does not make you a bad person. Sometimes we must be selfish and fulfil our own desires because the reality is, dragging this out any longer would be unkind and unfair. Breaking up with a perfectly good guy is okay if you do not feel fulfilled any longer.
On a planet with a population of over 7 billion, it is unlikely that only one of those people is meant for you. There are hundreds, even thousands of people who you can connect with on a variety of levels; romantic or otherwise. Yes, the person you are with may be great and treat you right and say all of the things you want to hear at exactly the right moment but that does not mean they are categorically The One for you. There are not other people who will do the same for you, if not more. It is worth exploring these avenues if you feel like it is right for you.
Okay, so the person you are with might be a perfectly good guy and be everything you imagined he would be, but what about you? It’s easy to get lost in the whirlwind of love and forget about yourself. But you are number one. Are you being the best version of yourself? It is worth assessing this and worth taking this time out for yourself and if breaking up with this perfectly good guy to work on yourself is the way to do it, that is absolutely okay. And soon enough you will find another great person and you can be great together.
Breaking up with someone is hard no matter what the circumstances. But doing what scares us is what strengthens us and allows us to feel and learn so much more. If the relationship does not feel right, that is not a reflection of yourself or your partner, it is simply one of life’s cruel ironies. It is time to realise you no longer wish to be with your partner even though he is a great guy, and being afraid to be alone is not a good excuse to stay. You must trust yourself because on the other side of scary is greatness.
This is what it says on the tin. We’ve all been there. You don’t want to tell your friend that dress doesn’t look right on her because you don’t want to upset her, or tell your dad you don’t really like his cooking. We instinctively tell these little white lies because we don’t want to upset those that we love the most; and this is fine, to an extent. When it comes to the wider issue of living a life with someone romantically, these little white lies will not work. I know, it is so hard when it seems like nothing about them is wrong, but it is important for both yourself and your partner to have this conversation. Be honest. The reality is, staying with them will only hurt more in the long run. Staying because you don’t want to hurt them is ultimately crueller than leaving.
Relationships take up a lot of our time and energy and that’s fine but naturally other areas of our life can suffer. Taking time to spend with your friends and reconnect with them and use this time to re-ground yourself with those who know you best. Having a relationship should not mean neglecting our pals. If this is happening, perhaps it is worth addressing the issue. This will allow you to recalibrate and find the right balance in your life between friends, your partner and yourself.
What is good? What is bad? What can you do to take charge of your own happiness instead of relying on other people? Fill every inch of yourself with self-satisfaction and happiness so that when someone comes into your life they are not filling it for you – they are only adding to it. This is so important to explore and this is a great reason for why it is okay to break up with a perfectly good guy and get some perspective on whether the people in your life are there for the right reasons.
For all the reasons above or for none of them at all. Sometimes it is just time to leave and you do not need a good excuse to go. As Cheryl Strayed so famously wrote in her book Tiny Beautiful Things, ‘Go, even though you love him…Go, even though you’re afraid of being alone…Go, even though you don’t know exactly why you can’t stay. Go, because you want to. Go because wanting to leave is enough.’
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