Reading You Based On Your Middle School Celebrity Crush
Remember your middle school celebrity crush – the one whose posters filled your walls and who would definitely have fallen in love with you if you’d met him. We remember those days, too. We thought it was time to bring back up those old obsessive crushes just so we could read you like a book based on who you simped over.
Time to open the library and get to reading!
1. Josh Hutcherson
If your middle school celebrity crush was none other than Peeta Mellark, then you just desperately want a soft boy boyfriend. Like, the TikTok “Angry bisexual gamer girlfriend” and “golden retriever boyfriend” isn’t just a joke to you – it’s the ideal. People tell you often that you come off too strong and need to tone down the intimidation, but you’d rather find someone who can handle you in all your colors and shades. You also definitely wore your hair in the Katniss braid throughout most of 8th grade.
2. Liam Hemsworth
If you played for Team Gale and this babe of a man was your middle school celebrity crush, then you were definitely someone who took on too much of everyone else’s lives and just wanted someone who would take care of you. All of your friends come to you for advice, which is great, but you’re honestly way too invested in their problems and it’s making you stressed. Build some boundaries, starting saying no, and find you a hard-working man with a dog and a pickup truck (because we all know that’s your dream life).
3. Robert Pattinson
If this Twilight vampire stud was your middle school celebrity crush, then you’re a water sign with a cute/creepy vibe. You’re zany and adorable on the outside, but you also sit in the dark at midnight, eating noodles and watching “Hannibal” (it’s endearing, but also your roommate is worried about you). You always end up with artistic men who need fixing and convince yourself that you can make them happy this time. And while love is love and Edward did eventually come back to Forks in New Moon, you don’t have to settle for boys that make you wait for them to become men. Find you a man that doesn’t need fixing, you cute little vampire baby.
4. Taylor Lautner
If Taylor Lautner – Mr. Jacob Black himself – was your middle school celebrity crush, then you are an absolute sucker for the “childhood friends to lovers” trope. You probably also pretended to be a wolf when you were in elementary school, didn’t you? Like, gym class was your time to shine as leader of your friend group’s wolf pack. You live in flannels and ripped jeans, and you will undoubtedly wear worn-out converse to your wedding. You also tried to watch his other movies, but you hated literally everything he did that wasn’t Twilight, which is completely understandable, they weren’t good.
5. Any Member Of One Direction
Oh man, if any member of One Direction was your middle school celebrity crush, how’s that gifted kid burnout experience going? It’s cool, we’ve been there, too. While you definitely read Y/N, first-person fanfiction about falling in love with one of the boys, you will also fight anyone who says they weren’t secretly together (I see you out there, Larry shippers). When the boys split up, you were devastated, but you’ll still be the first to buy any of their new albums and you’re still always on top of the news surrounding their personal lives. You definitely tried to hide your 1D obsession from any high school boyfriends you had, but then put their songs on every couple’s playlist you made.
6. Avan Jogia
If this “Victorious” hottie was your middle school celebrity crush, then you’re probably a raging bisexual now who can’t decide whether they want to be with Beck or Jade more. You’re in love with ’80s movies, and there’s something about the “bad guy” biker dude that you think is exceptionally hot. You yourself are pretty straightlaced and an A+ student, so the idea of someone who’s impulsive and a black sheep makes you melt in your shoes. Let loose sometimes and go meet someone who makes you feel excited.
7. Zac Efron
If Zac Efron was your middle school celebrity crush, you are definitely in a sorority and your favorite color is either pink or blue. You love small dogs and getting married to a wonderful man and raising a big family is all you’ve ever wanted. You’re a really good artist and you make killer pancakes, and you’re usually wearing oversized t-shirts and leggings to class and around the house. You have a good relationship with your parents, but unrealistic ideas about love and relationships. It’s okay to dream brightly, but make sure you take off the rose-colored glasses when it’s time to actually start a new relationship.
8. Any Of The Jonas Brothers
If any of the Jonas Brothers were your middle school celebrity crush, then you watched Disney channel religiously and were always at the movies when a new Disney film came out. You’re a big fan of musical theater, but are probably pretty quiet as a person and like to be behind the scenes more than you want to be onstage. You were 100% a horse girl and a girl scout, and you begged your parents to send you to a sleepaway summer camp after you watched “Camp Rock.” The day the brothers said they were getting back together, you cried and binge listened to all their early albums for the first time in four years.
9. Corbin Bleu
If this “High School Musical” hottie was your middle school celebrity crush, then you used to be super athletic and into sports, most likely track and field. You were so concentrated on your sports and club activities that you didn’t start dating until well into high school or college. You are a super loyal friend and always come when someone needs you, but you yourself don’t usually ask for help and instead tend to bottle up all of your emotions in an “I’ll handle this myself” mentality. Take a breathe and ask for help, though – your friends want to be there for you if you’ll let them.
10. Orlando Bloom
To all my fantasy and fiction lovers whose middle school crush was Orlando Bloom, your taste in men is immaculate but incredibly difficult to find. You just wanted to find someone who works as hard as you do and cares about the things you care about, and while that’s super admirable and understandable, you hold yourself and others to a standard of perfection that can be a bit unreachable at times. It’s okay to chill out and go with the flow sometimes! While your ideal man is studious, determined, kind, and hardworking, you also love the “Enemies to Lovers” trope more than you care to admit and wouldn’t mind finding someone that can test you and push your buttons.
11. Justin Bieber
If your middle school crush was Justin Bieber, you know exactly where all the best parties are. You are invited everywhere, and people love how funny and outgoing you are. You make a mean cocktail and you can outdrink anybody. But you’re actually pretty sad when you let yourself think about your emotions, and you want someone who can make you happy. Unfortunately, you keep being drawn to flaky, unreliable guys, so you’ve convinced yourself you don’t need love. LISTEN TO YOUR FEELINGS. Stop trying to push everything away all the time and just unpack your emotions before they overflow.
12. Darren Criss (Or Any Of The “Glee” Stars)
If any of the cast of “Glee” was your middle school celebrity crush, your ideas about romance are incredibly idealized. Like you want the whole shebang: flowers, songs, fancy dinners, sex that is both good and meaningful every time. It’s time to come back down to earth for a second, though, and recognize that no relationship (especially not any of the ones in the show) is ever that perfect all the time. You also cried for days after Cory Monteith died, and you’ve never been able to watch past season 5. Don’t worry, I’m not sure anyone actually knows how “Glee” ends. Find someone who reaches as many of your ideals as possible, but be willing to recognize that they are just as human as you are and can’t be the perfect S.O. every time.
