The Victorians were foul for a lot of things (see: eating mummies, Colonialism, and drinking Coca-Cola with the “coca” still inside). However, one thing they did right was etiquette. Nowadays we find ourselves free from the societal constraints of the Victorian Era, but not all old school practices should be completely forgotten about. Some of these old traditions when applied today, can be sweet. They remind people to take the time to show others how much they care about them.
When was the last time you got a letter from a friend or a pen pal? Receiving a letter in the mail is a rare thing today. Many people prefer to talk on the phone or through text, often forgoing snail mail entirely. Instead of relying on mail to send important information, (we’ve come so far, please use your phone) write letters to check in on old friends, or to wish your loved ones a happy holiday. You don’t even have to wait for the holiday season to send out special cards. Any day can be a special occasion. Your letters don’t have to be long winded, you can even use a postcard to remind someone that you’re thinking of them, and you care for them. Since positive mail is so rare, your friends and family will be touched that you thought of them, and took the time to post a letter.
There are so many cute stationary sets you can buy! I love to get cards with matching envelopes from Marshall’s, and the Paper Source. You can dress up your letters with different kinds of stamps, stickers, and washi tape. If you aren’t into stationary, just a regular sheet of computer paper and a white envelope will do, as long as you write from your heart. There’s nothing that makes me happier than writing letters to my friends, and getting a text message from them once they’ve received the card. Taking a small amount of time out of your day to go the extra mile makes all of the difference.
What does sending letter have to do with etiquette? A whole lot. When sending letters was more commonplace, people used the mail to send invitations to parties, and thank you notes. It is always good etiquette to send two types of thank you notes. You can send a quick text as a thank you, but you must also send a handwritten thank you card in the mail. Use snail mail to send out important announcements, such as save-the-dates and wedding invitations.
Setting the table used to be a large undertaking, especially for fancy dinners. At some upscale restaurants today, etiquette of the past dictates which fork to start eating with first, and which wine goes in which glass. When eating a multiple-course meal, start with the utensils on the outside of the lineup (typically the smallest) and work your way in to the larger utensils. If you find yourself setting the table for an event, always place the fork on the left, and the knife and spoon on the right. Your glass should be set on the right, just above your knife and spoon. Finally, your dessert spoon should lay horizontal above your plate. If you find yourself lost trying to remember the ins and outs of table setting, a quick Google search will send you in the right direction.
Setting the table is important because it reminds you to mind your manners while eating. It can also help prepare you for special occasions, when you need to know which utensil to use and when. Formals, weddings, and work parties often follow this table setting etiquette. Setting the table does not have to be something that is boring. Think of your table as a blank canvas, and your job is to be the artist. You can spice things up by using table cloths and place mats, essentially “dressing up” your table. Candles and small flower arrangements are also great ways to make your dinner table look more elegant and charming. You can also buy decorative napkins, either cloth ones or paper ones. This signifies to your guests and loved ones that you put time and effort into their dining experience, and did not skip over the smallest of details.
The Victorians weren’t the first group of people to use the secret code of flowers to communicate. The ancient Greeks, Chinese, and Egyptians all used floral motifs to send specific messages. Flower language and code has been referred to in the works of Shakespeare, Jane Austen, and even the Bible. The Victorians used flowers to talk about things that could not be discussed out loud. A well organized bouquet of flowers could send a proposal for an engagement, or throw shade at your enemy in the classiest of ways. While some sources differ on the meanings of flowers and flower colors, it is generally agreed upon that red roses signify romantic love, and white roses signify grief. Everyone knows that hanging up a piece of mistletoe means. Giving a yellow carnation to a Pesky Suitor Who Just Won’t Take A Hint signifies rejection or disdain. Forget-me-not and sweet pea flowers were used to say goodbye to a loved one. Gardenias were used to signify secret love. If you’re curious about the ins and outs of Victorian flower language, there are so many great resources available online. I typically refer back to Almanac.com, or Wikipedia. It’s fun to decode secret messages hidden in beautiful bouquets of flowers, and this is absolutely a part of old-school etiquette that we should bring back. Besides sending secret messages, flowers brighten up any space, and remind your loved ones you care about them. Everyone loves getting a nice bouquet of flowers!
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