Let us face it, even if you watch movies like Abed Nadir, there are too many movies in the world to watch and too little time. In this day and age there is a grand pressure to watch “The Classics” or award-winning movies and in high school and college, they are often referenced by teachers and other students. As someone who loves storytelling, though, I can tell you that IMDb is your best friend. Not all of “The Classics” are relevant to today or worth watching because of their content. But also, not all popular movies are good or worth watching. So, here are 10 movies not worth your time, and 10 movies to watch instead.
“A lonely, aging movie star named Bob Harris and a conflicted newlywed, Charlotte, meet in Tokyo. Bob is there to film a Japanese whiskey commercial; Charlotte is accompanying her celebrity-photographer husband. Strangers in a foreign land, the two find escape, distraction and understanding amidst the bright Tokyo lights after a chance meeting in the quiet lull of the hotel bar. They form a bond that is as unlikely as it is heartfelt and meaningful.”
Boring and a waste of time.
“In a dystopian society, single people must find a mate within 45 days or be transformed into an animal of their choice.”
Weird and anti-climactic.
“Due to his knowledge of the native Bedouin tribes, British Lieutenant T.E. Lawrence is sent to Arabia to find Prince Faisal and serve as a liaison between the Arabs and the British in their fight against the Turks. With the aid of native Sherif Ali, Lawrence rebels against the orders of his superior officer and strikes out on a daring camel journey across the harsh desert to attack a well-guarded Turkish port.”
At the time, was a masterpiece, but now that we can Google anything, it is just boring and a waste.
“Bilbo Baggins lives a simple life with his fellow hobbits in the shire until the wizard Gandalf arrives and convinces him to join a group of dwarves on a quest to reclaim the kingdom of Erebor. The journey takes Bilbo on a path through treacherous lands swarming with orcs, goblins, and other dangers, not the least of which is an encounter with Gollum and a simple gold ring that is tied to the fate of Middle Earth in ways Bilbo cannot even fathom.”
The Hobbit is one book for a reason, trying to pull another trilogy out of so little material was a waste. Also, just not as good as The Lord Of The Rings.
“Evil Judge Turpin lusts for the beautiful wife of a London barber and transports him to Australia for a crime he did not commit. Returning after 15 years and calling himself Sweeney Todd, the now-mad man vows revenge, applying his razor to unlucky customers and shuttling the bodies down to Mrs. Lovett, who uses them in her meat-pie shop. Though many fall to his blade, he will not be satisfied until he slits Turpin’s throat.”
Even Tim Burton does not like his own work, and you can even notice the scenes where he gave up on his vision. Then, with him casting his buddy, Jonny Depp, and his significant other, Helena Bonham Carter, we missed out on the songs actually being good. It is always hard transcribing a stage production to film, and this is a perfect example of a huge letdown.
“Locked away, a young woman named Babydoll retreats to a fantasy world where she is free to go wherever her mind takes her. Determined to fight for real freedom, she finds four women — Rocket, Blondie, Amber and Sweet Pea — to join together to escape the terrible fate that awaits them. With a virtual arsenal at their disposal, the allies battle everything from samurais to serpents, while trying to decide what price they will pay for survival.”
Gimmicky, stupid, anti-climactic, and all-around bad.
“In this animated feature by noted Japanese director Hayao Miyazaki, 10-year-old Chihiro and her parents stumble upon a seemingly abandoned amusement park. After her mother and father are turned into giant pigs, Chihiro meets the mysterious Haku, who explains that the park is a resort for supernatural beings who need a break from their time spent in the earthly realm and that she must work there to free herself and her parents.”
This movie legitimately traumatized me as a child. Fae realms are not something to mess with and even though they make it out at the end, there is no reprieve from all the bad stuff as you go along. As a viewer, it is hard to have any hope for a good ending because it just keeps getting worse and worst and worse. As they used to say, it is really “heavy” and doesn’t really have a moral.
“Jack Torrance becomes winter caretaker at the isolated Overlook Hotel in Colorado, hoping to cure his writer’s block. He settles in along with his wife, Wendy, and his son, Danny, who is plagued by psychic premonitions. As Jack’s writing goes nowhere and Danny’s visions become more disturbing, Jack discovers the hotel’s dark secrets and begins to unravel into a homicidal maniac hell-bent on terrorizing his family.”
So, so, so boring, and because it has become one of those cultural things you just known (even if you haven’t seen the movie, like knowing the ending to The Sixth Sense), we all know the “here’s Jonny!”. It is really hard to translate a descent into madness on screen, (rather than through the written word), and this movie is just a huge flop.
“Lena, a biologist and former soldier, joins a mission to uncover what happened to her husband inside Area X — a sinister and mysterious phenomenon that is expanding across the American coastline. Once inside, the expedition discovers a world of mutated landscapes and creatures, as dangerous as it is beautiful, that threatens both their lives and their sanity.”
As cool as the idea, story, and the visual world is, nothing is explained nor solved. Leaving viewers confused, it leaves a bad taste in your mouth because you are really intrigued by it all and honestly want to know more.
“In this cult classic, sweethearts Brad and Janet, stuck with a flat tire during a storm, discover the eerie mansion of Dr. Frank-N-Furter, a transvestite scientist. As their innocence is lost, Brad and Janet meet a houseful of wild characters, including a rocking biker and a creepy butler. Through elaborate dances and rock songs, Frank-N-Furter unveils his latest creation: a muscular man named Rocky.”
Cult Classic is right. The love for Rocky Horror is less about the actual content of the movie, rather the Halloween showings of the film. The audience that gathers find themselves with like-minded people who are ready to have a fun and crazy night. But, if you take that all away, leaving just the movie, you come out of the experience asking “What’s the point?” Weird for weird’s sake, the movie is a mixture of “we’re doing this to be different” and “to be scandalous” without having a rhyme or reason.
“Retired auto worker and Korean War vet Walt Kowalski fills emptiness in his life with beer and home repair, despising the many Asian, Latino and black families in his neighborhood. Walt becomes a reluctant hero when he stands up to the gangbangers who tried to force an Asian teen to steal Walt’s treasured car. An unlikely friendship develops between Walt and the teen, as he learns he has more in common with his neighbors than he thought.”
Overall a better story than Lost In Translation, with similar undertones.
“A couple travel to Sweden to visit their friend’s rural hometown for its fabled midsummer festival, but what begins as an idyllic retreat quickly devolves into an increasingly violent and bizarre competition at the hands of a pagan cult.”
This is absolutely one of my favorite movies of all time. I am not a huge horror fan, but knowing that Midsommar in Scandinavia means The Sun is always out, (and there is no night), I thought I’d give it a chance. Aside from the traumatic beginning, there are only a few jump scares and moments of gore throughout. This movie is less of a horror story, rather, the story of the power of belonging. All of us have felt alone in some way or another, more than once in our life, and this movie portrays the story of the lengths someone would go to to feel like they belong and are loved. Truly a modern masterpiece.
“Victorian-era Englishman Phileas Fogg proclaims before his fellow members of a London gentleman’s club that he can circumnavigate the globe in a mere 80 days, further boasting that he will bet the princely sum of 20,000 pounds on the success of his endeavor. With his stalwart manservant Passepartout alongside, he goes forth on his adventure, pursued by a dogged Police Inspector who suspects Fogg of chicanery.”
A replacement for Lawrence Of Arabia, a little more fun and exciting, but still worldly.
“The future of civilization rests in the fate of the One Ring, which has been lost for centuries. Powerful forces are unrelenting in their search for it. But fate has placed it in the hands of a young Hobbit named Frodo Baggins, who inherits the Ring and steps into legend. A daunting task lies ahead for Frodo when he becomes the Ringbearer – to destroy the One Ring in the fires of Mount Doom where it was forged.”
Truly a cinematic masterpiece. An epic story that has an amazing balance cinematically, where we get to see the glorious world (brought to us by New Zealand) and go on the adventure of a lifetime with Frodo and the gang. A story that tests not only the relationships we may have with family, friends, and teachers of sorts, it also explores and exploits the internal struggle between what is right and what is easy. Even if you are not a huge fantasy fan or Lord Of The Rings fan, watching this trilogy at least once is worth it.
“In the mid-21st century, an epidemic of organ failures leads to the rise of GeneCo., a company providing transplants at a great price. Those who miss their payments become targets of GeneCo. mercenaries, who repossess the organs. In a world of drug addiction and legalized murder, a sheltered youth seeks a cure for her rare disease as well as information about her family’s mysterious history. Her questions are answered at The Genetic Opera.”
Aw man, if you want to talk about a fantastic musical to replace Sweeney Todd (and Rocky Horror)? Repo: The Genetic Opera is the way to go! I first watched this movie at an after-Prom, church lock-in, with a bunch of chorus and drama friends, and we had a blast. They actually have opera singers for some of the roles, but for those characters who don’t need to have a great voice, they have Anthony Stewart Head (Giles from Buffy: The Vampire Slayer) and Alexa Vega (from Spy Kids). You will instantly fall in love with The Graverobber and will break into a fit of laughter when Paris Hilton’s face falls off. 10/10 highly recommend.
“It’s open season on Harley Quinn when her explosive breakup with the Joker puts a big fat target on her back. Unprotected and on the run, Quinn faces the wrath of narcissistic crime boss Black Mask, his right-hand man, Victor Zsasz, and every other thug in the city. But things soon even out for Harley when she becomes unexpected allies with three deadly women — Huntress, Black Canary and Renee Montoya.”
A much better Girl Power and action movie than Sucker Punch, with beloved characters and actresses. If you love Harley Quinn, this is a movie for you.
“Sophie has an uneventful life at her late father’s hat shop, but all that changes when she befriends wizard Howl, who lives in a magical flying castle. However, the evil Witch of Waste takes issue with their budding relationship and casts a spell on young Sophie, which ages her prematurely. Now Howl must use all his magical talents to battle the jealous hag and return Sophie to her former youth and beauty.”
No lie, I want my wedding rings to be the rings Howl and Sophie have. I fell in love with this movie, the story, and the characters the first time I watched it. The exact opposite of Spirited Away, the viewer falls in love with the enchanting world and wishes they could jump through the screen. Even though there are moments of strife, your heart is filled with joy and inspiration along the way. You believe in the power of love – of friends, family, and romance – to the point that you know everything will turn out all right in the end. After it is all over, think back to Howl’s first line “Sorry, I’m late” and your heart will explode. No matter what age or background, this movie is a truly beautiful story that everyone will appreciate.
“After a serious car crash, novelist Paul Sheldon is rescued by former nurse Annie Wilkes, who claims to be his biggest fan. Annie brings him to her remote cabin to recover, where her obsession takes a dark turn when she discovers Sheldon is killing off her favorite character from his novels. As Sheldon devises plans for escape, Annie grows increasingly controlling, even violent, as she forces the author to shape his writing to suit her twisted fantasies.”
Now, this movie is a great cinematic representation of a descent into madness. Watching the nurse as the story goes on is a slow but steady course of “oh my god, she’s psycho”. More shocking and suspenseful than The Shining, this is a great Stephen King replacement.
“A man and his teenage daughter encounter nonstop danger while searching for valuable gems on an alien moon.”
“Nightclub sensation Velma murders her philandering husband, and Chicago’s slickest lawyer, Billy Flynn, is set to defend her. But when Roxie also winds up in prison, Billy takes on her case as well — turning her into a media circus of headlines. Neither woman will be outdone in their fight against each other and the public for fame and celebrity.”
Want to talk about a sexy musical? Chicago is perfect! Having seen both the stage production and movie, I can say that they are actually extremely close. (To be honest, I might prefer the movie because of the cinematic production value, sets, and close-ups. But also, I prefer “Cell Block Tango” in the movie but “Mister Cellophane” in the play.) Even though it is set in the 1920’s, the stories of love, passion, revenge, celebrity, and fame are all something very common today. Chicago is one of the best stage-to-film musicals out there.
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