Wanting others to be happy is not necessarily a negative thing. It starts to take a turn when you spend your life trying to ensure that others remain in good standing while your own feelings diminish. Whether you go through this cycle daily or you find yourself caught in it out of the blue, it is important to recognize signs of life as a people pleaser.
We will spend an inhuman amount of time making sure we don’t hurt anyone’s feelings. To avoid that at all costs, it takes a lot out of you. There is the physical aspect of making jokes/reassuring the other person that they’re okay while your own struggles are tucked away. There is the mental aspect of worrying that you said or did something wrong when someone doesn’t respond right away so you feel like there is something to “fix.” Making sure everyone in your life is happy is incredibly draining.
This is where doing something nice one time becomes an expectation. As the process goes on personal plans will get canceled in order to be there for someone else. Being there can include but is not limited to helping with family parties, answering tech questions, and cheering up a friend who is upset. Anything you want to get done becomes second priority because you don’t want to let anyone down. This pressure puts you in a box where people in your life will expect you to drop everything for them. Although there are emergency situations where dropping everything is the only option but helping someone shop or something of a trivial nature does not fit as an emergency.
As a people pleaser, you try to avoid telling people No. This creates a monumental problem when friends want to eat out/hang out often when you know that your financial situation can’t take that weight. Since you don’t want to decline and want everyone to be in a good mood, you wind up spending money you don’t have and are left with all the receipts. Canceling or rescheduling shouldn’t be the end of your friendship with these people and it will save you a lot of financial stress.
After the momentary feeling of keeping things in order feds, as a people pleaser you are left confused about your own self-worth. You question what is important to you or if there is anything that remains just for you. When you spend a majority of your life trying to please everyone else, it’s hard to decipher what you actually want in this lifetime.
Life as a people pleaser will often leave you disappointed because you expect the same behavior in return. The unfortunate part is that this scale is never going to even out. The further down you spiral in pleasing other people, the more others are only going to give you the bare minimum back. It’s an unfair situation where you either accept your lot or you hopefully have a breakthrough.
It may take a lifetime, or it may take something small like reading through this list in order to break out of life as a people pleaser. You are important! What matters to you should always be first priority and constantly putting others before yourself should no longer be an option. There is nothing wrong with helping others or wanting harmony in your life but do not let that impulse take over. You deserve happiness as much as anyone else!
Ah, Windham. The perfect middle ground between South and Central (its official designation actually switches between the two), The Windy…
Growing up is scary. You want to get older and older and older and all you want is to be…
Whether you’re a serial monogamist just in between gigs or the dedicated Samantha of your friend group, when it comes…
Panhellenic Council has caught your interest, you’ve gone to the Greek fairs, and submitted your application for recruitment at SJU.…
It’s evident that USC has a beautiful campus. To most, USC campus is well-known for McCarthy Quad, Cromwell field, the…
With the variety of majors and lifestyles that Johnnies have, everyone’s day is obviously a little different—but every Johnny shares…
