Life Advice: Don’t Have Your Shit Together In College

I’m assuming if you’re reading this article that you: A). Either just had a mental break down and googled people who don’t have their shit together to make yourself feel better. B). Were scrolling through Facebook or Twitter and saw this article and said to yourself, “Hey! That’s relatable!” Either way, I’m here to tell you, it’s okay to not have your shit together.

One of the biggest mistakes I’ve ever made was listening to people in high school tell me to go into college with a declared major. It’s bullshit. One of the main reasons I ended up lost the first few years of college was because of this societal pressure. Many people believe you need to pick a major that earns you money. The other stigma I believed was the need to have your life figured out in those four years of college.

Most parents pressure their kids to declare a major or follow in their footsteps. Financially, it also saves them money. Who wants to be in college and spend more time and money than required? A lot of people surprisingly. The truth is, it’s okay to not know what you’d like to do. It’s okay if your four-year plan doesn’t work out. Changing your major five times is acceptable as well. I promise you, it’s going to be okay.

Now as a junior in college, I am just starting to figure out what I want to major in. I spent a majority of time in college anxious and weighing pros and cons. This approach only made me switch back and forth between majors. I wasn’t having fun and I was unhappy – I felt lost. There was this feeling that everything I had worked for was wrong. There was an urgent feeling that made me feel like I was falling behind. My college friends seemed to have everything figured out. Was there something I was missing that everybody else understood? This mindset consequently obstructed my oath of success and knowledge; I was constantly worried about what others were doing.

Not only did I not know what I wanted my career to be in but I had no idea where my love-life was at. It was an endless cycle of fuck boy after fuck boy. This was seriously discouraging. Every time I fell for another guy and things were going well, something seemed to happen. It was back to square one, sitting on my couch eating Ben and Jerry’s. It sucked. I kept asking myself, “What was I doing wrong? Why weren’t my relationships working out?” These questions kept me up at night. My mind ruminated about life, college and how everything was supposed to work.

One afternoon, after a particularly stressful day, I threw my head into my arms and laid on a library table. I had just recieved a terrible English exam grade, a job rejection and a 150 biology exam approaching. Looking around the library, I took a deep breath and saw the same expressions of frustration and exhaustion on other students.

This got me thinking: why were people in the major they were in? How did they feel they were doing in college? Did they think highly of themselves and feel on track? Did they have their shit together? The answer: an overwhelming, fuck no.

Most of the people I asked couldn’t give me a legitimate reason why they declared their majors aside from the fact that those careers paid well. What was most assuring was that everyone answered no to having their shit together. One of my closest friends is going onto their sixth year of college due to the fact they had changed their major a semester before senior year. I know a friend secretly taking art classes because their parents forbade it. Another friend of mine changes their major every four months. Even after graduation, I know people who still have zero idea what their doing. And you know what; it’s okay!

Truth is, you’re not supposed to have everything figured out at twenty-two. College is a time for growing mentally, emotionally, spiritually and learning how to better yourself. How can you have your shit together if you don’t take the time to know yourself and what you love?

Life is short. The future may be scary but your worth isn’t defined by a degree or your love-life. Your legacy is not a piece of paper! You are a piece of clay and life is the environment you’ve been placed in. You can be a square one moment, a circle the next. Just when yo think you’ve fixed your imperfections, a dent comes along. Life is about constantly changing.

You are not defined by how much you earn, what your degree is or what somebody says about you. It is your attitude, determination and how hard you tried that determines the type of person you are. The people you interact with shape you; listen, respect and understand your peers, family and professors. They have a lot to offer.

Human-kind innately desires acceptance and a place of belonging in society. I’m here to call out the bullshit; you don’t need to have your shit together. The harder you try, the more lost you will become. Don’t be swooned by the ostensible truth of knowing the map of your life. Truth is, no one knows what they are doing. All we know is what we’ve been through.

Stop worrying and let your determination speak for itself.