Letting Go Of What Others Think Of You
Do you remember that girl in your high school who wore bizarre clothes and had piercings and walked around with an aura of effortlessness and carelessness? She strolled through the hallway, and people would move just slightly out of her way either because they were a little intimidated or didn’t want to be associated with her. She probably didn’t talk to you or your group of friends, but someone would go up to her every once in a while and make small talk. That girl has paved her own path since she was born. Do you think she cares about the sneers she gets in the hallway? The slight hesitation of people around her before they approach. No. Do you know why? It’s because she doesn’t care. She is living her best life as a truly independent person letting go of everyone’s opinions. Is that path lonely and hard? Absolutely, but that doesn’t mean she is going to change to make it easier.
While progressing through your mundane life, the thought of what other people think of you is likely the first thing on your mind. While this may be a subconscious thought, your actions follow those who came before you. You are not changing the world by typing numbers into an excel document or influencing others by being polite to your local coffee shop barista. While you might think that you are special and have the courage and motivation to change the world, more than likely, you will stop exceeding expectations after your next promotion. This is because at the end of the day, you have listened to those around you and followed their lead, making you just like everyone else. So how is it that this one girl has paved her own unique path and managed to let go of what everyone else thinks? The real question is, how do you achieve the same.
Mistakes Were Made
When you woke up this morning, your first mistake was that you listened to the people in power. Your parents, the counselor at your school, the government, hell, you are even listening to God, all of whom are telling you which direction is the “best direction.” The one that will make you successful. Success has been predetermined as a white picket fence, a 9-5 job, a happy wife who cooks and cleans, and maybe even a couple of kids. The American Dream has become a reality. What happens when you take that class on social injustice? The people around you stand still in shock; at least, this is what it can feel like. They tell you to stop wasting your time and money on something that will never fiscally pay off. What if we replace the social injustice class example with bringing home a partner of the same sex to meet the parents. Or maybe the person you chose to bring home is black while you know full well there are active racists in your household. Do you automatically throw this person to the curb, pretend you’re straight, and only date white people? Some might.
Brain = Muscle
It is important that you recognize your brain as a muscle at this stage. Can you expect it to start with 100 pounds if it has never lifted a weight? With that in mind, what do you want for your life? If your answer is similar to that American dream we discussed earlier, I don’t think you are listening hard enough. What is your passion, and how do you want to express it? Letting go of what others think of you requires you to be mostly solidified in your thinking. You will be grateful for this solidity when everyone starts questioning your decisions, sanity, and morals. Keep in mind that plans don’t go perfectly, and if it fails, you pick yourself up and move on. It’s not the end of the world.
When to Flex
After you have determined a goal, passion, plan of action, form of expression, or the like, go forth and live your life. Seems simple enough, right? Remember, your brain is a muscle, and this is the part where you have to start training. Begin with recognizing the times when you consider what others think of you. Maybe this is a parent, sibling, boss, or friend. Perhaps this person’s opinion of you really means a lot. That’s all well and fine if their expectation of you isn’t for you to drop everything and conform perfectly to their side. Letting go of what others think of you starts by flexing that muscle and using it to identify the “when.” Recognizing your own patterns makes it easier to control later. After realizing these behaviors and when you are thinking about others’ interpretations of you, stop yourself and ask, “how does this help me?” If I had to guess, I would presume the answer the majority of the time is, “it doesn’t.” So why are you letting it have power over you? The more you think about what others think of you, the more power they have over you. It might not seem like it, but you are surrendering your power over to another person who probably hasn’t thought twice about you since you walked out of the room.
Backup Plan
You might think this to be too complicated. You feel overwhelmed by the knowledge that you have surrendered power over to others countless times throughout your life. I’ll give you another trick to help you along. We often get so wrapped up in our heads about what others think instead of letting go of the answer or finding out the truth. Personally, I would prefer to know than to assume. When those thoughts come racing through your head like those transportable rollercoasters that you are always not quite sure you want to ride, hit the brake. Walk up to that person you are willing to surrender your life to and ask, “what do you think of me?” You have probably collapsed on the floor with the thought of interacting with another person, especially when it shows a side of you that might be potentially vulnerable. Still, it might just clear your head of that rackety rail with the annoying horn. You might just be surprised by the response you get. Maybe you will be hurt, and your worst assumptions were actually right. Maybe, maybe not. But isn’t it worth knowing? You see, what happens when you ask those for their opinion? You are taking your power back. You are telling your brain that “I can handle whatever is thrown my way. I don’t need comfort from leading figures, and I can make my own path.” Right there is the key to letting go.
