There is never a boring day when you worked in a restaurant. With so many customers coming through the doors of millions of businesses, there is always a story to tell. After I’ve worked in a restaurant for six years, I’ve had my fair share of customer interactions. Some of them have been sweet, some of them weird, and some have been just plain funny. For some reason, it is the funny things that tend to stick out in my mind. To celebrate my six years working in this industry, here are the 6 funniest things customers have said to me when I worked in a restaurant.
When I first started my restaurant job, I was a naive, fresh-faced, hostess that didn’t have much experience dealing with customers. This meant that I took everyone’s requests seriously. I couldn’t detect a joke, so I often fell for the sarcasm exhibited by customers. One time, this older military man came to the door. As per my hosting training, I asked how many were in his party. He looked around and said, “Just me for now. The 20 cadets will be here shortly.” The look of terror on my face must have alerted him that I didn’t get the joke because he immediately let out a comedic laugh and said, “I’m just kidding!” I started laughing nervously as I realized I wouldn’t have to accommodate a party of 21 in our tiny restaurant.
One time this sweet, old, man came into the restaurant early in the morning. As I sat him, he kept giggling to himself, but I didn’t think to ask him why. Later on, as I was making the rounds, he stopped me and said. “I’m not weird! I was laughing because my wife doesn’t know I’m here without her. See, we’re supposed to be on a diet together, but I love sweets too much!” Sure enough, he had ordered a huge waffle with ice cream and whipped cream. I laughed and congratulated him on his success sneaking out of the house. I hope he made it back home before his wife woke up!
The restaurant where I work has a small patio area where customers could bring their dogs. There have been times when a person comes on their own with their dog, but they do not anticipate nature calling. While dogs are allowed on the patio, they can’t come into the restaurant without service tags. One day this lady comes up to me in a frantic panic and loudly exclaims, “Can you babysit my dog?! I have to pee!” And she rushed off to the bathroom. I couldn’t help but laugh. Standing there like:
One time, I had a customer call in to place an order for pick-up. After inquiring about the many omelette options, we offered. She sighed into the phone and said, “Nevermind! I’ll make my own!” Usually, we don’t offer this option, but she started listing ingredients and I decided to go with it. After she finished, she groaned into the phone and said that what she really wanted was a waffle, but she was trying to be healthy. She skimmed the menu and picked a waffle with chocolate, strawberries, and whipped cream. She then had me add up the check and when I told her she groaned, “I can’t afford both.” When I asked if she wanted me to cancel the waffle, she exclaimed, “The waffle?! Cancel the omelette!” So much for healthy? Haha.
One time I was sitting two elderly couples on one of our patio tables. On weekends, we have a musician come and play the piano and sing while customers enjoy breakfast. As I was setting menus down on their table, one of the men taps me on the shoulder and says smiling, “What time does the music man get here?” I told him 10. It was 9:30. He looks at his watch and gestures inside while saying “Oh no dear! Take us inside. He is no Bach. Bach is eating music. This is just noise.” I didn’t know whether to laugh or feel insulted for the musician, but I took them inside nonetheless.
As part of our restaurant policy, the servers bring homemade jam and spicy salsa for the customers to sample with their meals. One day, I was walking around, checking on customers when a man stopped me and asked, “Excuse me miss, can I have more of your spicy jam?” I was confused because we don’t serve a spicy jam, just jam and salsa. When I glanced at his plate, I noticed that he had poured our homemade salsa all over his waffle. I kept a straight face, but inside I was dying! Maybe this is the start of the new PB&J?
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