Is Loneliness Bad? Here is What You Can Learn From It
Is loneliness a bad thing? I feel like this is a question that has many different answers that are all appropriate at many different points in life, and various factors of each individual’s personality and preferences influence each of these answers.
Prone To Being Alone
Are you an Introvert or an extrovert? If you know the answer to this question, then your tolerance for loneliness is already semi built-in. You’re an introvert; you will prefer to spend the majority of your time in solitude. You’re an extrovert, you will feed off of other people’s energy and loneliness can be a detriment to you.
A keyword used above, however, was “Individual”, and if we’re all to be looked at as individuals, then it would seem kind of dense to assume that for a hard and fast rule, all introverts thrive in loneliness, and all extroverts wither in it. And while I can’t speak for other people, on a personal level, I know myself as a confirmed introvert. Still, at the very same token, some of the highest highs and most joy-filled moments I have felt have come from putting myself in extroverted positions.
My Plot
For example, my dream is to become a filmmaker, and I want nothing more than to be mentioned amongst the likes of The Coen Brothers, Woody Allen, Quentin Tarantino, the list goes on and on. This dream is entirely unattainable if I can’t perform in front of and command large groups of people, though. But through experience I’ve gained while working on short films, I’ve been able to realize that rarely do I feel more alive than when I’m in a director position. When I have all the answers to any question that can be asked, and when I have to act out and verbalize the vision I’ve put down on paper. Contrary to my introverted personality, I’m able to flourish in extroverted positions, and putting myself in those uncomfortable spots can actually be an invaluable character building and life exercise.
A thing to know about making movies though is that you cannot do it all the time, nor would I want to. Being on a set once a year is pretty much an anomaly, therefore being in that extroverted position is somewhat rare, and can be looked at as fresh and needed whenever it comes back around. This fact is comforting to me because I don’t know I would respond to having to assume extroverted energy for an indefinite period, but I have trouble seeing it being healthy.
Not only would having to convert to being more extrovert centric most likely turn out to be a daunting endeavor, but it would also keep me away from my hands-down favorite part of the filmmaking process, writing. Writing is the heart of everything that’s to come later in the process. It’s a playground, something that I do daily, and usually, solo. If I wasn’t on my own spinning up whatever stories come to mind, then there would never be any excitement to step out of the loneliness of being an introvert, to begin with.
The Climax
This whole anecdote was one roundabout way to state my thesis on the question of “Is loneliness bad?”. Every person has their own needs, and you have to be aware as to what those needs are, and make sure you cater to them. It does no good to continually fight the uphill battle of trying to fit a square peg into a round hole. Know where you fall on the spectrum and cater to that, and if you’re trying to find out where you fall, then there’s no better way to do that than being alone.
What To Gain From Loneliness
Of course, I’m aware that being out with friends and meeting different personalities, is one of the premier ways to find your interests and gather new information, but basking in loneliness is where you can hone in on those interests. If you’re becoming interested in cars or something, your friends can introduce you to the world, but then it’s on you to go home and do the research, read the magazines, and find your voice. From there, you can then choose if you want to go out and share your interests with other people, or keep them as your own private Idaho, but either way, you gained something from letting loneliness and your individuality shape your views.
I also know that there are people out there who are exclusively lonely, and having friends isn’t a luxury they can afford, but we just call them serial killers. No, but on a serious note, we all know that too much of one thing is bad no matter what, and that includes loneliness. I get that we all go through phases or bouts of not wanting deal with anything at all, I’m probably stumbling into that a little bit right now. But remember to indulge in human contact from time to time, even sitting in a public space and eavesdropping on conversations is enough to get your fix.
Chamber Of Reflection
The last view of loneliness has to deal with interpersonal and romantic relationships rather than trying to determine how much loneliness is appropriate for you as an individual.
We all know a person who goes through romantic relationships constantly. And they always start and end similarly, and there’s never any lessons learned from these encounters. People are also like this socially, they cycle through friends regularly without ever finding stability. This behiavior is a flaw that I believe stems from the fear of being alone and the fear of having to self reflect. If you find yourself in these situations, it’s always good to take a step back and think, ask what am I doing that’s causing these situations to repeat themselves. This is where loneliness can be one of the most significant and most helpful tools. Being alone is when you can genuinely look back on your actions and choices, and develop a plan to navigate life in the future. This planning is something you can’t do while caught continuously in the throws of social obligations.
Beware The Pigeon’s
But loneliness is a double-edged sword because when you steep in it for too long, you start to feel that itch, the need to sit down and have a conversation, or to hug someone, it’s just in our nature. And that’s why I think that no matter how much you need to reflect, hone a craft, or focus on interests, it’s valuable to step out of that bubble occasionally. Being perpetually lonely has never really worked out for anyone, even geniuses. When you lock yourself away for too long you either end up marrying a Pigeon or turning yourself into a large green rage-filled monster, two outcomes that will leave a lot of people bummed.
Do you feel like loneliness is a bad thing? Leave your comments below!
