If Disney Princesses Went To Kent State University

In every Disney movie, the princess seems to easily overcome an obstacle with the help of her sassy and often times furry side kick. In the end, she become a better person while finding true love. We all know college would be much easier if the black squirrels gave us advice and if finding a future husband was promised before graduation. The Disney Princesses have it so easy, but here is their backup plan if they weren’t royalty and were transported to Kent State.

1. Snow White

Snow White is an affluent sorority girl from the suburbs of Cleveland. She’s a fifth year senior, who according to her Twitter profile is “Young and misguided, but that’s another story.” White’s misguided ways have led her to change her major at least four times. She started as a nutrition major and worked at the Food 4 Thought Cafe in Bowman Hall for a month before getting fired. She was constantly late and served rotten apples to customers. White also failed her science classes because she was more worried about becoming a fraternity sweetheart and finding a man who treats her just like her daddy than studying and going to class. White is currently a broadcast journalism major. Her professional Twitter account consists of retweets from Tomi Lahren.

2. Cinderella

Cinderella comes from a rural town near the Appalachian region. After her father was tragically killed in a tractor accident, Cinderella was forced to wait hand and foot on her stepmother and stepsisters, including taking care of them when they are sick. Cinderella is on a full scholarship and sees Kent as an escape from her home and an outlet for a better life. She spends most of her time in the library and is still pretty shy to Kent’s social scene. When she is invited to a party, she always leaves before midnight and when she’s stressed, she feeds the black squirrels and talks to them.

3. Aurora

Aurora is an out of state student from across the country. With the help of her aunts, she convinced her overprotective parents to let her come to Kent for the fashion design program. Aurora is actively involved on campus. She is the vice president of the Fashion Student Organization, a member of Flash Harmony and is a volunteer at the Humane Society. Aurora’s busy schedule causes her to often go MIA. She’s usually found passed out, sleeping for hours in her dorm.

4. Ariel

Ariel is a biology major but has a secret passion for musical theater. She attends all of the performances and dreams about one day starring as a lead role. During her freshman year, Ariel tried auditioning. When the time came to sing for the judges, she became completely mute. For now, Ariel practices her singing (loudly) in the shower.

5. Belle

Belle has been described on the KSU Crushes’ Twitter as “The beautiful brunette around Satterfield Hall with the scary boyfriend.” Belle is an English major with a minor in French. Her boyfriend and captain of the football team, known as Beast, walks Belle to and from all of her classes, making it impossible for any guy to talk to her. When Belle isn’t with Beast, she’s perusing the aisles of Last Exit Books or sipping coffee and working on homework at Scribbles.

6. Jasmin

Jasmine is an international relations major looking to see the world and provide justice for all people. Growing up with a strict father, who barely let her out the house, Jasmine was attracted to Kent State’s study abroad programs. Every year, Jasmine participates in the Alternative Spring Break Program, where she travels to different cities and examines social justice and cultural issues through community service. She’s still trying to convince her father to let her study abroad for an entire semester. Jasmine dreams of to becoming a diplomat and providing a whole new world for women.

7. Pocahontas

Pocahontas broke up with her boyfriend John after he refused to believe the Cleveland Indians’ mascot Chief Wahoo is offensive. She is now dating another basic white guy who is also named John, but she is slowly helping him become woke. They recently took a trip to Standing Rock to protest the Dakota Access Pipeline. She is a history major and plans on becoming a professor, so she can tell the truth about the genocide and continued social injustices her people face.

8. Mulan

Mulan has a black belt in numerous Chinese material arts and is pretty skilled with a sword. So, she isn’t afraid to throw some hands when men act misogynistic in class or school “feminists” whose role models are Lena Dunham and Amy Schumer on the importance of intersectional feminism. Mulan is a political science major with a minor in women’s studies. She plans to be a voice for oppressed women and use her position in politics to convince men to become feminists.

9. Tiana

Tiana grew up in a working class neighborhood in Cincinnati and always dreamed of owning her own restaurant. She has been working since she was 12, helping her mother Eudora sew dresses, waiting tables at her local diner and most recently, supervising at a pet store where she was in charge of the reptile and amphibian section. Tiana received an academic scholarship to Kent State and is studying hospitality management. Her grade point average is a 4.0. She keeps a color coded planner and sits in the front row in all of her classes while writing down every single thing the professor says, even if it won’t be on the test.

Tiana goes out occasionally with her girlfriends. They’re always trying to set her up with a date and says she takes school too seriously. Tiana believes most guys in college are fuck boys and not princes worthy of her time.

10. Rapunzel

Rapunzel is an only child who spent most of her time in her room. She used to be bullied by the other girls for her long hair, and her parents over compensated for her lack of friends by buying her art supplies, a MacBook Pro and a pet chameleon. Rapunzel is a freshman, visual communications design major and a bit of a loner. When she’s not holed up in her room working on projects, she is video chatting with her pet chameleon Pascal, and bailing her twenty- five-year old boyfriend and Portage County’s petty theft criminal Flynn Rider out of trouble.

11. Merida

Merida is only a freshman, but It’s impossible to not spot her on campus with her bright red, curly mane and bow and arrow. She is president and founder of the Kent State Archery Club. She always carries her bow and arrow on her back to each class and is often seen pulling her rolling backpack up the Esplanade.

Merida has earned the nickname mountain woman and horse girl on KSU Confessions’ Twitter. “My geology professor lets mountain woman hang up her bow in the closet,” someone tweeted. Another person tweeted, “Horse girl asked me if I had any tape. Like she doesn’t have enough photos on her binder.” Most people can’t get past her accent “She says she’s from Canton, but she sounds like she’s from, I don’t know, Ireland or somewhere. Does anyone know where Horse Girl is really from?” Merida doesn’t about care what other people think. She strongly believes everyone is in charge of their own feelings and fate.