Is the Idea Of Being Soulmates Outdated?

One of the most outdated ideas is that everyone has a soulmate out there. I have a few different issues with the idea of soulmates as it is tossed around in society. Here are five reasons why the idea of being soulmates is antiquated.

Phrase Break Down

Let’s just consider for a second what this actually means. A soulmate is defined as a person that is ideal for you, aka the perfect match. First of all, “the” implies there is only one. One person out there in the whole wide world who is meant for you. If you don’t find him- give up! My second issue with this definition is the word “perfect.” Perfect implies that it is without flaws. Can you show me a relationship or person who is without flaws? Man, that person must be boring. Also, what is a soul anyway? Is it that shiny thing that leaves our bodies and floats to heaven when we die? I have a lot of questions.

So, after this lifelong quest to find my soulmate, scouring the earth to find them, do we like, have any time left to hang out on earth together? Or do we go right up to where you think we go when we die and spend eternity together? Do I have time for school or a job in between all of this searching?

1. Romanticizing Love

Anything you romanticize is going to end up being a letdown. Additionally, and I hate to put a damper on your outlook on life, but monogamy in mammals is very rare. That is not to say that it is unattainable or that people cannot make long-term commitments, but the notion that there is one person out there for you and only you for eternity is just not backed by science.

2. Pressure

If you are constantly chasing perfection you will be let down. The idea of soulmates puts pressure on people and the relationship to be perfect all the time. If you put pressure on yourself or your relationship to be perfect then when something messes that up (which it will) you’ll be devastated. We are all humans. We all have human relationships. Humans make mistakes. You shouldn’t try to chase perfection in any area of your life.

3. Preaches a Romantic Destination

We all know that the majority of relationships end and many marriages end in divorce. The idea of being soulmates makes love a destination rather than a journey. You aren’t “destined” to do anything in life, your life is a compilation of your decisions and actions. Sometimes things end, but that does not make those experiences less important or influential in your life. The idea of soulmates implies that someone out there is meant to complete you, and you are not whole without them. This is a completely unhealthy way of thinking. You are a whole person by yourself. Anyone that you date or marry should simply be an addition to you. You should view your significant other more as a best friend and partner than a soul mate.

At the end of the day, the only person you can control is yourself. When your perfect relationship turns out to all be an illusion projected by the idea of soulmates and the relationship crumbles you are left with you.

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4. Perpetual Disappointment

Statistically speaking, it would be impossible to find your one true love. If you don’t find your soulmate but you believe in them, are you never going to get married/be in a long-term relationship? Or are you just going to settle? It is also true that mammals, including humans, are not meant to be monogamous. In fact, only 3 to 5 percent of mammals have one mate for life (and humans are not one of them). Therefore, the idea that there is one person out there for you will only lead to disappointment.

5. Chemical Reaction

The reason you fall in love is not the alignment of the stars or destiny, it is the chemicals in our brains that create a reaction. A series of chemicals are responsible for this reaction, chemicals such as dopamine, adrenaline, oxytocin etc. Our brains communicate messages to our nervous system which is why we feel our heartbeat quickens, our palms are sweaty, and we have “butterflies” in our stomach. Sorry to break it to you, but it’s just our least favorite school subject called science at play.

I think the takeaway here is this: there is not just one person out there for you, and no one is supposed to be your “missing piece.” I understand the sentiment of the phrase was to emphasize and maybe even justify the reasoning behind two people spending the rest of their lives together in marriage. While it is sweet to believe in the perfect happily ever after, it sets unrealistic expectations which could end in failure. Treat each relationship separately and look at it realistically. You can be head over heels with someone and not believe in soulmates.