I Stopped Obsessing Over Boys And Here’s What Happened

Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie said it best: “We raise girls to see each other as competitors, not for jobs or for accomplishments, which I think can be a good thing, but for the attention of men.” On different social media platforms, we obsess over our favorite celebrity couples and make them “relationship goals.” If you’re the single friend in your group waiting for your Mr. Right, trust me; you are NOT alone! I am the single friend in my group as well, and I used to obsess over my “Knight in Shining Armor” that was coming soon, yet every potential bae became a closed door in my face. A good friend once told me, “A blessing delayed is not a blessing denied.” That was a sign for me to sit back and let nature take its course. I stopped trying to find my Prince Charming, and some amazing things happened. If you follow in my footsteps, and stop obsessing over boys, this could happen to you:

1. You fall in love with yourself.

In between the time that you wait for Mr. Right and the time he sweeps you off your feet, you find out more about yourself. You may learn that you enjoy certain kinds of music. You’ll learn that you hate it when people touch your hair, or you love it when people sit beside you and spark up a conversation. You figure out your flaws, and learn to love them so no one can use them against you. The more time you allow to fall in love with yourself, the more the right guy will learn to fall in love with you in due time.

2. You become more self-reliant.

Let’s just be completely honest: love is the most beautiful and most disastrous aspect of life. If you’ve recently suffered the disastrous part of love, and let’s admit, all of us have, then you know that it can drain you emotionally. When you are single, you do things for yourself. When you do things for yourself, you become a brand new person, and people take notice and even take notes from the pages of your life.

3. You do what you want, and you don’t care who sees or feel guilty about it.

One good perk of taking your mind off of boys is being able to be yourself. The best perk of taking your mind off of boys is being able to be yourself and not care who doesn’t like it. You ride down the road in your car with all the windows rolled down and blast your favorite song, whether it’s “Cranes in the Sky” by Solange or “Sk8er Boi” by Avril Lavigne. You burst out into Disney songs in the middle of the cafeteria, even if you look like a complete maniac (although I have never met anyone in the world who doesn’t enjoy a good Disney sing-along). The best part of it all, and I cannot stress this enough: YOU DON’T CARE! You go girl!

4. You receive a network of women who support you in your single life.

If you’re like me, you fell hard for the smooth-talking boys or the guys who are a part of the “in-crowd.” Or in my case, you fall for the basketball player who made you feel as if you two were going to get into a relationship, and then you discovered he has a girlfriend; however, he still calls on you when he’s sick in the hospital. You should never go through these things alone. This is when that amazing network of women comes into play. They will always offer you sweet advice, become the shoulder to cry on, and become that parent that shows you tough love. They might not say everything you WANT to hear, but they say everything you NEED to hear.

5. Eventually, you gain suitors.

Another great friend of mine always told me that love will come to you when you stop looking for it. Once you focus on yourself, fall in love with yourself, do things for yourself, and surround yourself with amazing, positive people, your Mr. Right will come. He’s probably the guy you’ve walked past on campus every day, or the guy who sits in your history class and admires your beauty from afar. He could be the guy that is the last person that crossed your mind. Once Mr. Right comes into your life, he will greatly enhance your life. I’m not saying that it’s going to be “happily ever after”; that’s not realistic. However, every moment with him would be totally worth it.