These days, it’s not uncommon for people to want to engage in kinky sex or BDSM relationships. What most don’t realize is that you need to take a series of steps leading up to a kinky encounter. Here are the things you should do before engaging in any type of kink play.
If you wish to engage in BDSM with a partner, doing it with someone you trust is essential. Establishing a basic level of trust is crucial to ensuring that both of you remain comfortable and safe throughout the encounter. You shouldn’t be engaging in any type of extreme BDSM with someone you just met at a bar or on the street. Knowing someone well enough before becoming intimate with them is already crucial enough, so the added factor of kink makes this all the more important.
Once you’ve established trust with a partner, make sure you have an in depth conversation with them before you take the next step. Discuss your likes and dislikes, as well as explicit boundaries. In BDSM, there are what we call “hard” and “soft” limits. Hard limits are the things that you absolutely don’t want to engage in, while soft limits may present as things you are willing to try, but will stop doing if you feel uncomfortable. In some BDSM relationships, writing out a contract or checklist may be a good way to ensure that both partners are on the same page. In others, having a conversation before participating in kink play is enough.
In BDSM, the phrase “safe, sane, and consensual” is used to describe a healthy kinky encounter. Being safe refers to taking the necessary precautions that are meant to minimize risks, such as discussing boundaries beforehand as well as making sure both parties are knowledgable about the tools being used in the encounter. “Sane” relates that both parties should be clear headed before getting kinky; the use of drugs and alcohol might inhibit the dominant or submissive, and blur lines that need to be crystal clear to ensure that both partners have a fulfilling experience. “Consensual” means that the dominant is conscious of the submissive’s hard and soft limits, and are aware of any clear boundaries that aren’t to be crossed during the encounter.
Taking part in clear communication throughout BDSM sex is crucial to ensuring that both partners have a good time. Having safe words is a good way to communicate consent clearly; if one partner takes things too far, the other can simply say the safe word and the activity can immediately come to a stop. A safe word can be anything you want; a color, object, or anything in between. If you’re taking part in sexual acts that inhibit your ability to speak, having safe signals is a good way to communicate. If you can’t verbally express yourself, jerking your head a certain number of times to the side can let your partner know now is a good time to stop. Asking for consent consistently throughout activities is another way to communicate well. You can simply ask, “Is this okay?” or, “Do you like this?” when switching things up, and give your SO the opportunity to let you know if they’re okay with what is happening.
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