How To Start Exploring Kinky Sex For The Timid Novice
If you are looking to explore kinky sex but don’t know where to begin, this is the guide for you! These simple introductory acts will help you start to discover your hidden desires and make you feel more comfortable pursuing the sex life you want and deserve!
Visualize And Explore Your Desires, Then Talk To Your Partner
Before beginning to explore the world of kinky sex, you will need an idea of what it is you want. Take to time to think about your desires and identify what turns you on. Try visualizing different scenarios, while staying aware of how you feel. Remember that it is not wrong to have a kink or fetish, so there is no need for embarrassment when discussing and exploring these topics!
When you are ready to discuss your wants with your partner, be sure to have an option mind about their desires and be prepared to ease in slowly. As an example, many partners may choose to try doing something new, like spanking or using handcuffs, but decide to limit the activity to only during foreplay. This is completely valid and a great way to ensure you can slip into a comfortable headspace without being too nervous about all the new possibilities.
Avoid trying too many new things all at once, as it can easily become overwhelming and lead to a bad experience. Start by picking just one or two things that interest you to try and experiment until you feel comfortable, then go ahead and pick a new activity to add into the rotation!
Make sure that you set up a safe word or phrase with your partner that either of you can use if things get too intense while starting to practice kinky sex. Feel free to pick your own silly or meaningful choice, or simply say “yellow” to indicate that you would like to slow down and “red” for you need to immediately stop and take a break. Be sure to check in periodically during the experience to ensure it is safe, comfortable, and enjoyable for both parties involved. Ask questions like “Is this okay?”, “Would you like for me to tie you up now?”, and “Can I start spanking you?” to ensure that you do not catch them off guard or accidentally push them too far. Making sure you are both always on the same page helps to ensure that you foster a positive sexual encounter.
Explore Light Voyeurism By Watching Porn With Your Partner
Voyeurism is the fetish of enjoying watching other people naked or performing sexual acts. For a simple and comfortable way to explore this kink, try watching porn with your partner. Not only is this a fun activity in and of itself, it will also help you both learn more about each other and your desires.
Try Domination And Submission
There is a base of domination and submission within all role-play and BDSM activities and is at the base of most kinky sex, but the kink can also be explored independently. You can choose one partner to be the dom (dominant) and the other to be the sub (submissive). The dom then can tell the sub what to do or how to do it, and the sub should follow the instructions as closely as possible.
Here is one way to practice domination, submission, and to test your self-control while driving you wild: lie down in a comfortable position on the bed and remain completely still as you let your partner take control of you. Keep yourself loose enough that they can reposition you as they desire and then stay there, as if you were a doll. By essentially making yourself into (or having your partner act as) a human sex doll, you are letting one another fully explore your own wishes and desires. This will help you learn how to please one another and leave you both feeling satisfied. Remember to take turns if you wish, and always feel free to use your safe word to indicate if there is something you are uncomfortable with them doing.
Engage In BDSM
Blindfolds, bondage, teasing, and slight pain for pleasure are the top ways to begin exploring kinky sex. A blindfold can easily be purchased, created by trying a bandana or scarf around your partner’s face, or even just covering your eyes! This adds a ton of additional sexual tension and leaves you always excited as you fantasize about what is coming next. To tie your partner up, handcuffs or rope works best, although nearly any fabric can be used to bind your partner’s hand and/or feet to a bed, chair, or even just each other. They should be tight enough to restrict movement, though the exact looseness you desire is completely personal.
At this point, you can begin teasing your partner. Try stimulating them with feathers, candle wax, ice cubs, or a vibrator. If you don’t have props, just using your hands, the tips of your fingers, and your lips can be enough to drive your partner wild! At this point, you can also practice inflicting light pain on them. Spankings are the most common, and can be given by hand, or using an object such as a spatula, wooden spoon, or hairbrush. Additionally, they make floggers, paddles, and other devices specifically for maximizing the pleasure in the pain! Alternate between the speed of your rhythm, (how fast or slow you go), and the strength of your hit. Try rubbing the area gently between hits to reduce swelling.
Consider Three Somes
Having a three-way is a more common practice than one might think. It is a great way to explore kinky sex and to open up the confines of a monogamous relationship, which can often lead to closer intimacy and connection. Discuss the idea with your partner, and if they are receptive, you can begin working out the specifics, such as setting boundaries and picking a third to join you!
Practice Role Playing
To experience a more intense and realistic period of domination, consider engaging in role-playing! This can be done as a full day activity, at night during a set period of time, or just during the physical sex, depending on your comfort and commitment level. Be sure to remember that this is just acting out a fantasy and that you should return to your normal life after. (Some people do choose to live a fully-involved BDSM lifestyle with their partner, but this requires a great deal of trust and dedication.)
You can choose as specific or as vague of personalities as you’d like and may use the same character every time or experiment with different scenarios and fantasies. If you are looking to recreate a porn scenario or want to be able to pretend you just stumbled into this situation in everyday life, try exploring patient/nurse, flight attendant/pilot, cheerleader/football player, or cheating spouse fantasies.
If you want to a complete change and to experience more of a power dynamic shift, try exploring options in which there is a clear superior: this is often expressed as Master, M’am, Sir, or Daddy. Let them take complete control over you, telling you what to do and how to do it, while keeping your safe word in mind. The submissive (sub) should be as obedient and admiring of the dominant (dom) partner as possible. If you misbehave, let your dom decide how to punish you (spankings work well) or what you can do to make it up to them.
Explore Light Exhibitionism By Taking Nudes, Filming A Sex Tape, Or Having Sex Somewhere Risky
Exhibitionism is the fetish of enjoying exposing yourself to others. To explore this kink in a safe and consensual way that is perfect for beginners, experiment with taking sexy pictures of yourself or sending nudes to your partner.
For a more fun and engaging activity, try filming your own sex tape. Just knowing you are being recorded is exciting enough, but it also gives you memorabilia you can watch over and over again to help turn you and your partner on.
Having sex on a hiking trail, in a car, or in a store dressing room, (while somewhat dangerous), also gives some people a huge thrill!
Try Consent / Non-Consent
Abbreviated as Con/Non-Con, this plays with the concept of some darker, but common desires to mimic a forceful sexual encounter. While this can be quite elaborate and realistic, there are some simple ways to ease into it. Set up a night or time frame with your partner when you would like to try con/non-con and tell them to initiate it whenever they would like.
Whenever they desire, have them grab you or lightly push you down and then restrain you. This can be done by tying you up or just using brute strength to keep you down. Have them call you names or tell them what they want to do to you. To add to the effect, you can struggle to break out of the restraints or try fighting back, and have your partner punish you for these actions with a light slap or spanking.
You can use one or more of these options, but please only pick something you are comfortable with. For example, don’t have your partner call you names if you will be unable to not take it personally.
Practice Aftercare
Aftercare is a term coined by the DSM community, meant to describe the act of checking in with one another after a session of kinky sex to offer nurturing support. Generally, it involves cuddling one another, (tender kisses encouraged!), and discussing what worked well, things you would love to try again, and what you did not like or that made you uncomfortable. Knowing these things will help you determine how to make the experience more enjoyable for the next time.
It is normal to struggle with feeling distant or dealing with slight shame about the sexual acts you engaged in, or what it might mean for you and your partner. Keep the discussion open and judgment-free. Take a break from your exploration if you need to, since the process can be long and sometimes emotionally grueling, but continue to explore kinks in order to provide yourself with the best sex life possible!
As a final thought, if you and your partner particularly like any one activity, it is worth your money to invest in a quality tool to help you out! Better handcuffs or softer rope for those who enjoy bondage, floggers for those who enjoy paddles and spankings, and so on.
I hope you enjoyed trying out these kinky sex acts in the bedroom! Please share this article if you enjoyed these tips to help all your friends have their best possible sex life.
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