How To Not Be Other’s Emotional Dumpster

There’s more importance on mental health now more than ever, and as important as it is to check on your friends and ask how they’re feeling, it’s equally, or arguably, more important to focus on your own emotional health. Unfortunately, that’s often where most hit a wall that’s longer and higher than the Great Wall of China, which often resorts us to being other’s emotional dumpster. Always overflowing with other’s emotional baggage, you’re left with no space for your own problems and no one around willing to help take a load off. As a result, you’re slowly becoming a landfill, while their trash can is shinier than Mr. Clean’s bald head. All I’ve got to say is, it’s time to take out the trash once and for all.

Beware! It’s A Trap!

Being an emotional dumpster usually means you’re innately an amazing listener and often have helpful advice for others. Now this shouldn’t be viewed as a negative characteristic whatsoever, especially in this world that can so easily be selfish. When for natural empaths and healers, we can’t help but to help. I swear, we always have tissues and band aids in our back pocket just waiting for the next crying friend with a measly paper cut. I completely understand how satisfying it is to be the person people always come running to; it gives you a sense of purpose in this world, which so desperately needs genuine caring souls, but where do the healers go to heal? While you’re constantly exerting all your emotional energy into others, you are left with nothing to recharge and refuel, and ain’t no one chipping in for gas most of the time. So now it’s your turn to let go of the wheel, recline, and rest.

Maybe She’s Born With It, Maybe It’s An Unhealthy Coping Mechanism

Rather than focusing on our own mental journey, we often use other people’s issues as a distraction, and even entertainment at times. Everyone likes to be in the know, but that often muzzles our own inner voice, ultimately stunting personal emotional growth. Being a gifted listener and a seemingly endless fountain of wisdom is the epitome of a double-edged sword. While you always have other people’s backs, it might often seem like no one’s looking out for yours. You’re screaming and crying into an empty, dark well with no helping hand to grab yours. After so many times of feeling silenced and ignored, you understandably shut down. You’re the soccer mom driving a van full of kids and yet you’re on empty, and running on fumes. Now you’re on the side of the road with a car full of crying kids and no roadside service, but you tell yourself at least it’s better than being in the van alone. You would rather be hurting on the inside and smiling on the outside than going through the difficult process of true healing that you need and deserve. All I’m saying is that a pot hole eventually becomes a sink hole and then who’s going to hold up the sky when you can’t even see it? You deserve to cry for yourself every once in a while, even if there’s no around to wipe your tears.

Healin’ Ain’t Easy

It’s time to confront your own demons rather than fighting off everyone else’s, which in this war, honesty is your best weapon. When you’ve hit max emotional capacity, don’t hesitate to lock the door and turn the lights off. Communicate how you simply have too much going on right now and need to focus on yourself. If that seems cold-hearted, and it’s virtually impossible for you to say no (which should become your new favorite word) just try to lessen the emotional damage. As you more than likely already know, most people just want to feel heard, and if that means you simply nod along and give a few mumbles or even grunts of acknowledgment rather than trying to single-handedly restore world peace, then that’s more than okay. And if they don’t appreciate your listening ear, then stop listening, because obviously they don’t care to hear what you’ve have to say. As I say time and time again, it’s your turn to be selfish and finally practice self-care. If that means completely unplugging and going off the grid for a few days then do it. The world will still turn without you being the axis. Without the distraction of other peoples’ constant emotional turmoil, you can finally focus on yourself with all this newfound freedom. You can relax your shoulders and relieve the weight in your chest that you began to think was normal. I hope you use this liberation as a beginning for your own emotional healing and don’t be afraid to ask for help from others. It could have been that people never offered help or asked the simple, “are you okay?” question, because you really always seemed okay. It’s okay to not be okay; no one is all the time, and you, of all people, should know that everyone struggles every once in a while. Most just don’t deal with it fully and healthily, which is why it’s the same person with the same shit unloading onto you all the time. With all this being said, I don’t want you to take this as never being someone’s shoulder to lean on ever again, because often times we learn how to heal our hurt through others’ journeys with pain. All pain is a lesson, it’s just important for everyone to do their own homework by themselves every once in a while. Learn and help others succeed, but concentrate and excel within yourself, sister. Just a friendly piece of advice: a person’s mental health is a lifelong lesson and journey, so strap in, baby, because it’s a rollercoaster.