Navigating a long distance relationship is by no means a simple feat. Even if things are the smoothest of sailing between you and your partner, you’re bound to run into some bumps along the way, or even just periods of time where you miss each other extra hard. And no matter how good modern technology is at keeping us interconnected, nothing beats hanging out face to face with your boo.
The good news is that long distance is extremely doable, and if you do it right, it can be pretty painless. Here are some tips on how to make the most of those relationships that require a lifetime membership to the Delta Sky Club.
When you tell someone you’re dating long distance, it almost always changes the tone of the conversation. That’s because most people are under the misconception that loyalty and trust are at the top of a list of things that could go wrong. While it’s historically true that many couples let jealousy and lying destroy their remote romance, as corny as this sounds, those aspects of dating long distance just aren’t issues if you love someone enough. What does become a problem, though, is distance denial.
What people fail to consider is that in a meaningful long distance relationship, a longing heart is the most painful element because the distance barrier can be brutal to rationalize. No matter how much time you spend on the phone or video chatting with someone, you can’t compare to the fulfillment of spending real quality time together.
Once you accept the distance barrier it just becomes a question of how dedicated you are and how creative you’re willing to be to make the memories that come with a developing romance. The gratification you feel at the point will just make the time you do get to be together IRL that much more special.
Like I said before, you’ve gotta get creative if you want things to be semi-normal in your long distance relationship. Video chats and scheduled phone calls can get really boring and really repetitive, and that’s normal. Think about it: if you and your partner went on the same date every single time you went out, things wouldn’t be much fun, would they? You’d not only expect every turn, but you wouldn’t get to make decisions together. That said, for a bunch of reasons, it’s critical to change up the pace every now and then if you’re doing long distance.
Sending each other postcards or care packages is probably the easiest and most thoughtful thing you can do to mix it up. For me, physical objects (No, I’m not talking expensive, flashy gifts! But those are nice too…) are a great reminder of my S.O. and are also a refreshing contrast from staring at a screen every time I’m pining for him.
Plus, knowing that that’s a “thing we do” for each other always keeps me on my toes, since I never know what he’s going to send or when he’s going to send it. But don’t keep a routine or schedule for this activity – spontaneity is one of the most challenging aspects of a relationship to recreate long distance, but is still one of the most important parts of maintaining a relationship.
I’m pretty sure everyone’s been at that point of being either irritated or not knowing how to respond to a text, so instead you message your go-to bestie to solve the problem for you. Let me just say, loud enough for the people in back: do NOT do that if you’re dating long distance.
We already established that the single most important aspect of a long distance relationship is trust, and how can your S.O. trust you if you’re not the one who’s voicing concern?! Communication is everything, so if something’s not cutting it in your relationship, you owe to to your partner (and they you!) to call them up and talk it out. And be prepared to stay on the phone for hours – not-so-fun conversations are extremely challenging to carry out without seeing someone face to face and require a lot of patience, sometimes reiterating what you’ve already said as well. But if you want to settle a conflict long distance, you’ve gotta be in it for the long haul.
Tabelling conversations about things that need to change for later only results in unnecessary stress, which turns into distractions as you try to go about your day…alone and without your boo to lean on. Plus, it gives both of you an excuse to push it under the rug, which will inhibit your ability to rekindle that intimacy and affection you have IRL.
When you aren’t with someone in person, it’s easy to lose track of their schedule and day-to-day grind. While I wake up early and can’t stand procrastinating, I’m dating someone who stays up until 3 a.m. to finish a research project, then sleeps in till noon. That said, our schedules conflict. A lot.
If you’re in college, it’s important to do your best to remember your S.O.’s schedule so you can coordinate times to chat on the phone or over video chat. At the same time, it’s even more important to respect their schedule and for them to respect yours. You’re there to develop healthy habits, and also to pursue opportunities you’ll only get once in a lifetime. That said, there might be days or nights where you or your partner appear to have unexpectedly disappeared from existence, or that phone call you were using to get you through the day gets cancelled.
If you want to make the most of your long distance relationship, though, you have to expect the unexpected and sometimes roll with the tides. But if you notice that your schedules and time accommodation is a recurring issue, that might be something deeper to look into. But with the previous tip, you should be ready for that conversation!
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