Our starting point today is really a beginning to an ending, and it’s quite the difficult start to a miserable end. Life always seems to be on some sort of countdown, especially relationships, and before you know it, it’s the final quarter with no time outs and you’re facing your inevitable loss. Breakups are like watching a house burn with a bucket of water. I swear I have had some variation of this breakup conversation countless times, so I’m a self-proclaimed expert on relationships and their end. Before you send those drunken texts to your ex that definitely isn’t worth your time, sober up and read this, so you don’t regret anything tomorrow.
When you’re hurting it’s so tempting to be the bad guy. You want to make the other person feel exactly how you feel. Betrayed, angry, depressed, and any other accompanying emotion. But, please for the love of god, remember, at the end of the day, it will not make you feel any better. Sure, seeing the other person upset and getting a rise out them, may temporarily make you feel like you have won a major battle in this war of love, but you have lost the war if you resort to such immature and selfish tactics. I understand the hard to resist aspect of human nature that is hurt people, hurt people, especially when fueled with the addictive cocktail of love and pain, but that’s not an excuse or justification to destroy your own moral character. Understand that especially now, all you have is yourself, and if you hate or cannot even recognize your own reflection, you are only stabbing yourself in the back. Even if they were the absolute worst partner to you, whether that be sleeping with your best friend, or they secretly had a kid or three other side chicks, the best revenge is success. So allow yourself to learn and grow and let them witness you flourish while they stay being the nasty little weed in someone else’s garden. The groundhog called for an early spring this year, so bitch you better bloom.
As we have determined, it’s easy to be angry, but it’s harder to be sad, especially when there’s no one to project or blame, except yourself. I’ve heard so many times that “I wish they had done something bad, so I could hate them,” however, in the case, where it just didn’t work, because the timing wasn’t right, or one of you just was not ready for a relationship, it’s almost inevitable to resort to self-blame or guilt. And it could be where you truly are the one to blame in the situation, but, nevertheless, you can’t edit the past, but you can write your future. So, if necessary, apologize to your ex without looking for forgiveness and start on a clean slate with yourself. Breakups are like the end of movie, once it’s over, you’re either relieved or outraged, and you analyze and criticize the whole movie, scene by scene. But when you’re the main character, you can’t do that, because it will only end up in a low self-esteem and tear-stained cheeks. You know yourself better than anyone else, and you have to be your own biggest fan. Therefore, do take responsibility for you actions, apologize (if applicable), but move forward in this messed up game called life.
If you completely ignored my last step, you’re probably on your phone looking at old pictures and messages and wanting this shakespearean tragedy to be a Disney fairytale, instead. Understand me when I say, you have already rolled the dice, and you didn’t win. Stop trying to play the same game with the same odds while expecting a different outcome. The odds will never be in your favor with that mindset. Don’t set yourself up for failure. This is your life and this your heart that you’re playing with. Protect the queen at all costs, right? Please don’t fall victim to your fantasies of a happy relationship with the same person who made you unhappy. Don’t allow them or yourself to manipulate and guilt you into trying again. You cannot start fresh with all this emotional baggage on your shoulders. You will wind up being the ultimate loser smacking yourself on the head for being so dumb to try again. Love may make you dumb, but don’t let it make you blind.
I don’t even like the word loneliness, because it implies that you’re missing something or someone when all you ever have or need is yourself. I understand as humans, we crave companionship or even just attention, but that will always leave you being codependent on something. If it’s not another person, it’s usually drugs or alcohol, which are obviously not healthy substitutes for a fulfilling relationship with yourself. The beauty of loving yourself is that it’s ever evolving, because you, yourself, is ever evolving. When you prioritize your desires and needs over others (in a healthy way), you will never find yourself looking for validation and support in others. I know this level of self-love seems like an unattainable dream, but it starts with the smallest of actions. Like doing things that you always wanted to do while in your past relationship, but never could. And discovering new passions of yours that you do for you and only for you. Essentially, the best way to start this new, “lonely” life of yours is to live selfishly. Simply, do the best you, for you.
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