I remember watching the film Sixteen Candles and the main character Samantha Baker played by the famous brat pack star, Molly Ringwald, is losing sleep over a guy who doesn’t seem to be as in to her as she is to him. Sam confesses to her dad and he responds with this: “That’s why they call them crushes. If they were easy, they’d call them something else.” Getting over the person you’ve never dated is one of the toughest forms of unrequited love. We don’t have a foul proof method to get over it but hopefully, some of the suggestions will help you begin the healing process and move on.
Allow yourself time to grieve. Unrequited love is still a loss even if there was never a relationship in the first place. You have invested yourself emotionally into someone else and you just can’t wish away those feelings. It’s normal to go through the steps of grief: anger, denial, etc to get over someone. Plus with all those emotions you carry it’s good to let them out in a productive way and having a good cry is sometimes very helpful.
If tears are hard to come by, put on your coziest PJ’s, grab a pint of your favorite Ben & Jerry’s, and pop in the movie P.S.I love you. I guarantee the tears will be flowing by the end.
Music has the power to heal. Music can instantly influence your mood depending on what you’re listening to. After receiving soul-crushing news that “the”girl or guy is “just-not-into-you” really sucks. A good form of therapy is to listen to the music of people who have written songs about what you’re currently feeling and going through. It’s oddly comforting knowing that others have been where you are. So turn up the volume and drown out the word with some sad love ballads.
Taylor Swift has been there once or twice before and has never shied away from speaking her truth about devastating break-ups. Let the music of others soothe your soul and allow you to fully feel the intent of your inner self. It does no one good to run from the pain!
Remember the part in the movie The Lion King when Simba had an interaction with his Father’s spirit one night and he had a few parting words for his son: “Remember who you are!” Just like Simba needed this reminded so will you: Remember who you are! You are worthy of love! It might not have worked out with the person you thought but their refusal is not a reflection of your worth and value. You were fine before they came in your life and you will be fine once they are gone. Never loose track of who you are inside, it is that essence that makes you, uniquely you!
Any person who doesn’t value you shouldn’t be in your life anyway. Trying to change yourself and to make yourself a bit more interesting so that they will finally see that part of you that makes you so unique and worth being with is not worth it. Just because it doesn’t happen with this guy, it doesn’t mean it won’t happen with someone else. Your worth does not depend on how this one person feels about you. You weren’t right for them and that is okay, you are right for others. You shouldn’t change who you are to please someone the right people will love you for who you are!
You don’t have to hide from the pain of unrequited love but you just can’t wallow forever. Find a new hobby or return to an old one you have long forgotten about. Have a plan to grow either spiritually, mentally, emotionally, or developmentally during this time will enable you to heal faster than doing nothing to change your outlook. Misery loves company! Don’t fall for that trap and love your self but doing things to occupy your time and focus and watch as you begin to feel like your old self again.
After pouring some much of yourself into this one person just for it to come up empty, it will, in turn leave you feeling a little depleted too. Now that you have clarity, take time to mend and give to the meaningful relationships that you may have neglected. Your family and close friends will be the ones to help you patch up your heart again. They will be the ones to help you realize your worth and value long after the guy or girl walks away.
Opening yourself again to love comes after you reached the acceptance stage. Just because one person hurt you doesn’t mean that the next person will too. How sad it would be if you closed your heart off to someone because you got burned the last time? When one door closes, another one opens. Think of this failure as a blessing in disguise. You never know what the future has in store for you!
No matter what you say or do, true love is not something you can force. It has to happen naturally, organically, and between both parties. So don’t hate them! Move on, get over them as best as you can. Forgive them, not for them but yourself. You don’t need to carry that pain with you, it will just lead to a life of bitterness and resentment that can affect future relationships. Don’t waste your time chasing the wrong person when you can be spending it with the right people.
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