Do you truly get over a heartbreak? Sometimes it feels like the answer is no. But, time is the biggest healer. Looking after yourself, not questioning yourself and not allowing yourself to overthink are good places to start. There’s many different types of heartbreak, not all are break-ups. But then there is many different types of break-ups. From a mutual agreement to simply having enough of their unacceptable behaviour – they are all valid and are all equally tough. Don’t get me wrong, no matter what anyone says, sometimes nothing seems to help. But hopefully this will help you realise you aren’t alone, and you always come out stronger.
The most important thing to do after a break-up is look after yourself. Do whatever it is you need to do to help you. I know it’s hard to escape the feeling, and you even think about it when you don’t even realise. Try reading a book – a self help book perhaps? Watch a corny chick flick with your girlfriends, have a bath and completely pamper yourself (get the chocolate strawberries out if you have too). Self care is important when healing from a break-up, but there’s only one person who can help you – yourself. Help yourself, you’re the only one who can make yourself feel better. Take time to do you, focus on you.
Now, if you can’t pour your heart out to the person you’ve spent part of your life with, then who can you? Some may think it’s embarrassing – well I’m here to tell you that it is in-fact not. To communicate how you feel, and that you’re hurt, is a vital step in moving on from him and the situation. Some may not want their ex to know how they feel, if so open up to a friend or a family member. Do not feel guilty for communicating the fact that you’re hurt. Talking is key. If you bottle up every emotion you have, it is only going to delay the process. Things left unsaid stay with us forever. No matter how many times you want to talk about it, (or how many times you’ve repeated yourself) talking about it is a need, and your friends will always be there (or anyone who is willing to listen will do). Start with being honest with yourself, and go from there.
One thing that is important to understand, that it is ok to cry and it is ok to be sad. Letting all of your emotions out, just like talking everything through, will help and is apart of the healing process. Allow yourself to be sad, let yourself feel sorry for yourself (not for too long, though) and don’t be frustrated with yourself for feeling like that. It is totally normal. Try and focus on being happy.
Forget the ‘what if’s’ and the ‘could have been’ – just stop the overthinking full stop. I know it’s hard, but you’ve at least got to try. If you’re honest with yourself, you’re in love with the thought of what it was and what it could have been in the future – not so much the actual person, and you will realise this as time goes on. In reality, the person you want it with is no longer the person you fell in love with. I mean, if you were both the exact same people as you were when you got together – you’d still be together…right? It’s the idea of them that you are going to cling onto – don’t. Let go of the fantasy that it could have been different. Stop overthinking.
As time goes on, try and forgive the person who hurt you, even if they don’t deserve to be forgiven. At first, and for a while after that you are going to feel anger. But this is one hundred percent normal. Even if they haven’t said sorry themselves for hurting you, don’t apologise for being angry at them for hurting you. Whether they believe they have or they haven’t, they don’t get to decide if they hurt you. At first you’ll be sad, and then you’ll be angry. This is acceptable – but, to move on, you need to forgive and forget because what’s done, is done (and you’re better than that).
The biggest (and hardest) thing you need to acknowledge is the sense of wanting to move on. Not only do you need to move on, but you need to want to move on. It’s easy to hold onto hope, that they’ll one day change their minds. They won’t. If they did regret it, they would be calling you up, sending you messages, doing anything they can to have you in their life. It is hard to decide whether to walk away or to try harder but in the end, you’re repeatedly breaking your own heart; waiting for someone, and holding onto something that isn’t going to happen. No message is also a message.
One thing that I need to make clear is to always stay true to yourself. Do not feel like you have to get ‘under someone to get over someone’. Now I know this is what most people might do, maybe you feel like you have to? Or you feel it’s what you should be doing? Unless its what you truly want, and you can honestly say its going to help you – then why are you doing it? It is not a competition between you and your ex (although society may think it is), you can take all the time you need. It’s not embarrassing to miss them, and it’s not embarrassing that you still think of them further down the line – it shows how much you loved them, and how much they meant to you. Now don’t get me wrong, everyone is different and there is no wrong or right way to heal after a break-up. The most important thing is that you help yourself and never forget your worth.
The toughest thing of all, is overcoming what you think of yourself. You aren’t alone when it comes to feeling unworthy, everyone get’s that feeling. Always remind yourself that you are good enough. More than good enough. Just because one-person can’t love you, doesn’t mean someone else won’t. And they will love all of your flaws (yes, all of them). Believe in yourself and be kind to yourself. The way that you talk to yourself matters.
As the saying goes – ‘smile because it happened, not because its over’. Always be thankful for what you’ve had, and be grateful for the memories made. But, not all goodbyes are bad goodbyes. If you’re love is not being completely reciprocated, then why would you want anything less? You don’t want someone who doesn’t want you. Don’t start questioning yourself and where it started going wrong. Don’t doubt yourself– you gave them everything.
You got this girl. Never be sorry for wanting what you deserve.
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