Sex and sexuality are extremely personal, and the way to better orgasms for women can be different depending on the day and the body. Sometimes, women are looking for better orgasms because they’ve never had one that really rocked their world. Sometimes, women are looking for better orgasms because they used to have orgasms that rocked their world, and then something changed. No matter where you’re coming from, just remember that you aren’t broken. There is always a way to feel good and to have better orgasms for women, and for everyone, no matter your anatomy or gender identity.
Here’s a little FAQ in case you have questions!
Offering yourself appreciation, love, and acceptance is an important first step of getting better orgasms for women. Since the mind and body are so inexorably linked, it’s important to sync them up in order to get the results you seek. Especially if you’ve had an experience that has made you feel distant from your body, establishing a safe and loving connection with yourself is the only way to start this quest.
If you don’t know where to start, finding a liberated, sexy role model who owns their sexuality is a great way to begin to get comfortable with new ideas and new paradigms. Beyoncé is a good example of a role model. Watch videos you think are sexy, think about what works for your role model (from what they present in their public image), experiment, and see if it works for you. Do little rituals that make you feel sexy, or if that is too much at first, choose things that make you feel warm and appreciated instead. Drink wine in the bathtub. Rub your feet with a candle burning nearby. Look in the mirror and focus on what you love about yourself!
Whatever your thing is, building self-worth will undeniably help you achieve better orgasms for women.
From appreciating yourself to pleasing yourself, offering love to you first will teach you what you do and do not want in bed- alone or with a partner. After all, if you don’t practice at all, how do you expect you’ll do when you get to the finale?
Although orgasming isn’t a test or a contest, it is in fact an art. Think of it this way: if you were to paint a picture of your pleasure, what would it look like? If you were to write a song, what would it sound like? Sometimes we feel more inspired than other times, and that’s okay. Consider what inspires you, in a partner and in your life, and what holds you back from getting that big O.
First, we’re talking about doing Kegels and exercising the muscles that surround the vagina. Building these muscles that help make up your pelvic floor will allow the contractions of your orgasms to be bigger and go on for longer, just like building your stamina would help you run further, faster, better, etc. If you can control the flexing of these muscles, you can do Kegels as a little warm-up, which will bring blood flow to your genitals and increase arousal, or you can squeeze your muscles during penetration or stimulation for a new sensation for one or both partners. Also, consciously flexing your pelvic muscles will help shift the way you think, and build a relationship of strength and kindness between you and your body.
Building muscle anywhere in your body can boost your confidence and physical agility. With a partner, these skills could come in handy, but for yourself, strength can boost your confidence, change your awareness of your body, and allow you to hold positions for longer. Whether you decide to do crunches, Kegels, squats, or push-ups, you can alter the experience of your body in a way that might help you find that you can have better orgasms for women.
Gently stretching your hips and legs will provide an opening of the pelvis that could help you have better orgasms for women. If your muscles can’t relax and release, it is more likely that your brain won’t be able to relax and release enough for an orgasm either. Whether it’s due to stress, overuse, or underuse, stretching your body will help you let it all go.
Targeted stretches are great, like seated twists and frog pose in the yoga canon, but stretching your whole body can be just as effective. Try a wide leg forward bend to help open the hips and thighs: sit on the ground with your legs out to either side, just enough that you can feel the stretch, but not so much that you are in pain. You can stay seated if this is enough of a stretch, or walk your hands forward as much as feel comfortable. You can also do this to either side!
Self-love and sexual arousal tinctures could have just a placebo effect, but in this instance, a placebo effect would prove effective if it helped you get better orgasms for women. Sometimes, we just need to feel special and a little bit magical to reach our climax, and giving yourself a little taste of a special herbal cocktail might do just that.
Fun fact: this is true of anything that makes us feel special, magical, and sexy. You don’t need something specifically designed for sexual arousal if a perfect, fresh raspberry set on your tongue does the trick!
For some, indulging the senses will help to elevate the overall experience, and can help you relax enough to reach your climax. You can choose to burn some yummy incense, savor a full-bodied wine, nibble on aphrodisiacs, or anything that alters the normal, quotidian feeling of being in a body.
A moving way to indulge with a partner might be to give each other a massage. You can do this in any manner of dress according to your comfort level. A gentle rub-down can help you relax and connect to the other body in your space without the pressure you or your partner might be putting on you to orgasm. Your massage might lead to something more sexual, or, you could just focus on building that connection. Either way, this kind of gentle care can help you achieve better orgasms for women in the long and short term.
Sex isn’t just one thing, one way, all the time. If one position used to work for you, it isn’t weird or abnormal for you to need something else on another day, or with another partner. Our bodies need so many different combinations of things sometimes, and the way that two bodies come together on any given day will absolutely influence that.
If you usually do missionary, try doggie. If you usually are on top, try the bottom. If you always lie down, try sitting or standing up. If you always do something vaginal, maybe anal or nipple play is your new thing. Experimenting and exploring can be a lot of fun, especially if you discover a new way of getting better orgasms for yourself in the process.
Not all of us get wet all the time. This can mean that you aren’t aroused, or that you need more work to become aroused, but some women also find it’s more difficult for them to get wet even if they are aroused. We all have different experiences, and getting frustrated with your body can make you feel further and further from that aspirational orgasm status.
If you need to be differently aroused, or aroused for longer before becoming wet, you can communicate that to a partner or spend more time on yourself. You can also use lube, as it feels appropriate. Lube is fun and wet and slippery; you should get some water-based lube that is vagina-friendly ASAP! It’ll make solo-play more fun, and partner stuff more fun, too.
You don’t have to produce all the slippery goodness by yourself, my friend. This is a good brand, in case you need a recommendation!
You might not want to hear it, but people can’t change their sexual preferences or their sexual compatibility. Although it can be hard to recognize that you and someone you love, like, or appreciate aren’t exactly the best sexual match, it doesn’t have to be totally heartbreaking. You and this other person you care about both deserve to be with partners who satisfy that sexual fire, no matter if that means holding hands during a moving or using whips and restraints in the bedroom.
Sexual chemistry just kind of happens. Yes, it’s great if you both like doggie-style or pouring hot wax on yourselves, but if there is no innate magic between you two, your sex life is likely to be roughly what it is unless you change partners. A switch alone might not solve your problem, but some women find that they need a multi-layered connection with a partner in order to orgasm. Therefore, better orgasms for women could be just around the corner of compatibility.
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