Sometimes it can be hard to know how to balance your new bae, especially if you have been single for a while, and are all the sudden finding yourself in a relationship. There’s a moment when you go from single to smitten. It can happen slowly or in a flash, but suddenly there’s another whole person in your life who needs attention, and odds are you kind of want to spend all your time with them, at least in the beginning. Things can get tricky when you begin to find yourself frequently stuck between plans with friends and plans with your new bae, but with some understanding from both parties and some helpful tips, you’ll work out the kinks in no time.
First step on how to balance your new bae? Communication. All good relationships start with good communication, and by relationships I also mean friendships. If you’re doing it right, your friends care about you and they want you to be happy. How could they really be upset that you’re with someone who makes you feel good? If you’re starting to feel uneasy or overwhelmed by splitting your time, talk to your friends about it. Let them know you’re trying to still see them plenty, but it’s hard and you need time to figure it out. As long as they know you’re aware of the issue and working to sort it out, they should understand.
No diss to your new bae, but single people are used to being on their own clocks. Having to consider another person in planning doesn’t always come naturally. I had a relationship in the past that often left me cancelling on my friends because I rarely got to see my boyfriend and he was totally unreliable with dates. I’d jump on any opportunity to actually spend time together, even if he told me a few hours before I was meant to get dinner with friends. These are characteristics even a good SO can sometimes demonstrate. Make sure they know you have other aspects of your life and they need to respect those, as well as your time. Encourage frequent communication about your weekly schedules so you can coordinate seeing each other when its convenient to you both, and don’t be afraid to speak up.
Life is hectic and everyone is on different schedules. To ensure you’re routinely seeing your friends, find a time everyone is free for lunch or dinner or drinks and set up to see each other then each week. This way everyone is getting quality time and no one has to carry the burden of setting up plans. Of course, you can still make plans together outside of your weekly meeting, but now at least you won’t go three weeks without seeing each other and hearing all the new updates.
Who says you have to see everyone separately? Your friends and your new bae should be getting to know each other anyways. To make life easier on yourself and have everyone you love in one place, plan activities you can all enjoy. Grab drinks or go bowling with a crew. Probably this won’t solve all your problems. When you’re all together, it will be difficult to give your full attention to either party, but sometimes this can still be a helpful answer for a night you want to spend with your friends and your SO. Just try to balance and make sure you’re not totally absorbed in dancing with your bae or leaving him or her out in the cold as you gab with your friends.
Don’t freak out about how to balance your new bae. Hanging out with people is supposed to be fun! If you find yourself getting stressed out every time you have to make plans, take a deep breath and a step back. Don’t get caught up in all the drama. Remember life is all about making yourself happy. Sure, it’s important to be there for those you care about, but you have to take care of yourself too. Don’t let people make you feel guilty for having other wants and needs. If you find this is happening with either your friends or your SO, let them know how you’re feeling and talk it out. In the end, you have to know who is looking out for you and remove any toxic people who aren’t from your life.
Adding a new important person to your life is inevitably going to complicate things, but for the most part this should be a fun and wonderful time of falling in love with your new SO. Realize that everything is going to struggle to fall into place for a bit, but as long as you’re understanding to your own needs and the needs of others, things will work themselves out. If things stay tough, check back to these tips for some extra help and reminders.
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