A Guide To Being Single At Kent State

Where are all my ladies who are single at Kent State? Guys, too. No, but really. Being single is a fact of life. Some people say between the ages of 16 and 22, most of the people you will meet are only temporary. It is okay to accept that. It is also okay to consider your college years to be the years of experimentation- with all the good stuff, of course. Don’t wear your college sweater in an inappropriate magazine…eh, eh, em, Mrs. Jenny Gump. There are three things for sure that everybody has to deal with in life: your career, your education, and your love life. Some people are perfectly content juggling all three disciplines, but some of us just can’t go on date night when we have midterms in a couple days. It’s pretty predictable, but here’s a short guide to being single at Kent State University.

1. You complete you.

First, understand that you are a complete person just by yourself. You don’t need anybody else to tell you how beautiful you are, or how smart you are. It’s important to find value in yourself, because loving yourself first is a big step toward learning to love someone else. Take time everyday, even if it is just a couple of minutes, to practice self-love. Look in the mirror and say all the things you genuinely enjoy about yourself. Maybe you really like playing with make-up; take a little longer and have fun with it. Maybe lifting weights is all about meditation for you; take a while, lift heavy, and think to yourself how this makes you feel as a person.

2. Don’t become obsessed with titles.

Do not be so obsessed with the thought of being single or, vice versa, the need to have some arm candy. Closing yourself off is just unhealthy. If you don’t open up now, it will be a lot more difficult to do so in the future when someone comes along who you truly want to be with. Mother told you not to play with toys that don’t belong to you. Don’t play with hearts that aren’t yours for the taking. You’re allowed to date. Dating is encouraged, but date responsibly.

3. Focus on your academics while you find yourself.

College really is all about finding yourself. Here at Kent State, you have a handful of required liberal arts classes. Other than that, you are allowed to build your classes around your major. Pick the ones that sound the most interesting to you, that will keep you happily busy and focused on your studies. These classes actually help guide you to discovering what you really care for when it comes to your future career and what you enjoy spending time doing. The classes help you find yourself in the same way joining a club might. There are countless opportunities, so diverse, that you can look into on and around campus. Find yourself among old habits, and allow yourself to create new ones.

4. Build and strengthen new friendships.

You can (should) have only one boy/girlfriend at a time, but you can have many friends at the same time. (Refer to my previous comment on “experimentation.”) Bottom line, being single means having your options open. It is up to you which options you choose, of course, but always leave room for friends. Sometimes a friendship can even turn into something more. As mentioned earlier, building relationships with other people – your peers, people with the same interests – is pertinent to finding yourself amid a sea of a variety of personalities you might want to identify with. Join clubs.

Some great ideas of things to do around Kent:

Go to Downtown Kent and order something at the bar at “B-dubs” or meet someone for coffee at Starbucks. Go to the festivals, especially during Welcome Weekend. The Black Squirrel Festival is the perfect place to meet up with hundreds of different student organizations that represent particular interests or hobbies you might take a liking to. Build your friendship platter to prevent loneliness. When you’re feeling down, hit up a friend from English Club for coffee at Scribbles, or call up one of your intramural basketball buddies are ask him to shoot hoops for a while. Pretty soon, you’ll find yourself fitting in somewhere and being new to campus won’t be so hard, whether you’re a first year or a transfer student.

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5. Talk to a professional.

So, maybe you’re not new to Kent. Maybe you’ve been in a relationship here before. You broke up. It happens. It’s understandable now you are older and closer to the prime age for starting a family that breaking it off with someone could make you more upset than it did when you were 16. Kent has professionals to help you get through the tough breakups. Don’t fear setting up an appointment with Kent Psychological Services. If you don’t have a friend who knew your ex well enough and if Mom is just too far away, seeking professional help is not a bad idea, nor is it a sign of weakness. Letting go is hard to do. Talking to a psychologist about a bad break-up is similar to talking about a death in the family. At some point in life, everyone has to let go of something or someone they love. See psychological service’s website at http://www.kent.edu/psych.

6. Know what you deserve.

Before you do jump into a relationship – and for the real thing, not just to say you’re in one – it is important to understand what a healthy relationship is. According to Sexual and Relationship Violence Support Services here at Kent, “While the early months of a relationship can feel effortless and exciting, successful long-term relationships involve ongoing effort and compromise by both partners. Building healthy patterns early in your relationship can establish a solid foundation for the long run.” The site continues with advice on how to build, explore, and establish what is considered to be a healthy relationship. There are many factors to a healthy relationship including respect, support, trust and honesty, communication, autonomy, and fairness and equality. Take care of the person you want to be with just as you would take care of yourself. The Golden Rule: Treat others how you wish to be treated. See more of what a healthy relationship consists of on Kent State University’s website at http://www.kent.edu/srvss/healthy-relationships. Take it from Queen B herself.

7. Take it easy on yourself.

Experiment responsibly. Date responsibly. Have fun…responsibly. Being single at Kent State doesn’t make you any less of a human being. It just means you’re taking a little more time to focus on yourself than someone else may need. The time will come when you are ready to be with someone. Don’t give up hope. Humans have a right to love and to be loved.