Ah. We all know someone that seems to have it all together, whatever that means. From their shiny-split-end-free-hair to their glass table of which NEVER reveals it’s a close relationship to fingerprints, this person roams in all of our lives either as a main character or background character. Something I have noticed about these “perfect people” is that they each own at least one plant. To make this even less shocking, this plant or plants are thriving just as much as their handler. Thus, we can call these species of people “The Perfect Plant People”.
The perfect plant people will not shy away from giving you advice about your wilting, root-rot ridden, remarkably dying rapidly and replaced just as quickly plant. These people will maim your ears and your spirit with their never-ending plant advice to which you will nod and maybe give a sympathetic “really?” while full well knowing you will not be following any of the advice that is being fed to you. The reason? You don’t care enough and you know what… That’s okay.
It’s okay to not want to marinate in the margins of caring about plant life nor pretending to do so. If you’re anything like me and pretend to have things together meanwhile life and fate are conspiring against you, then first off high five, we’ve made it this far, and secondly, there is a way we can fool the perfect plant people into believing we are one and the same.
It is no brilliant secret but rather a not-so-obvious bail-out for wanting a plant infested home without the inevitable outcome of both you and the diseased plant realizing just how much of a problematic plant person you are. It’s called buying specific plants for your problematic planter personality. Meaning, buy plants you know are impossible to kill. Before you Google this let me assure you that I have done all the research for you and have narrowed down the top 10 easy plants for a problematic planter like both you and me to show off rather than blowoff.
The ZZ Plant, also known as Zanzibar Gem, Welcome Plant and it’s botanical name that only someone who would make a rebuttal if you said “Dinosaurs are extinct” would remember, Zamioculacas Zamifolia, is by far one of the most low maintenance plants. This winner is not only vibrant but also unforgettable because it is so forgettable! Not requiring much light nor watering makes this plant super easy to put somewhere and forget about it knowing that it will do its growing thing. As long as you make sure to let all the soil dry out before watering again it is good to go. You can forget about your plant for 3-4 weeks at a time before feeding it again. Of course, the smaller the pot the more often you’ll need to water the plant. With its varying sizes (usually 3-4′ tall and 3-4′ wide) and naturally shiny leaves, it can look good anywhere too!
If there was ever a plant that was branded with the personality trait “independent” it would certainly be the Snake Plant. This patterned prize can be neglected for weeks (2-3 weeks) at a time, kind of like that to-do list you made when your Adderall was kicking in and you were at peak productivity. Despite it welcoming abandonment this plant will gain admirers when given the chance thanks to its multi-shaded green stained pattern and its rigid architectural shape. In addition, this beauty queen can endure little to no light, drought, and have minimal insect issues. As if this plant could not get any more buy worthy, NASA research has unmasked the health benefits of housing this loyal greenery. Amazingly enough, they are able to help keep the air inside your home clean by removing toxins such as formaldehyde and benzene. Acting as a much more aesthetically pleasing and less expensive air purifier, the snake plant is the way to go if you want to add some life to your abode.
The Schefflera house plant would win “most popular” if it went to high school because of its uncanny ability to survive pretty much anything while showing no signs of strife until it needs to speak up. This plant is one of the most popular in homes because it takes care of itself just like you dreamed it would. As long as you locate it in bright but indirect lighting the plant will prosper. Don’t worry though, if your Schefflera plant is unsatisfied with the lighting situation or lack thereof it will let you know by it getting leggy and floppy. If placed in too much direct light you will see its leaves burn. Alas, no need to buy sunscreen but instead just move it! As for its H2O needs, this life lingerer can persevere with minimal watering. If watered past its comfortability it will let you know by yellowing leaves. A plant that gives you time to notice it dying before you kill it, *sigh* a plant destroyer’s dream.
This large and confident plant can be an eye-catcher for those wanting a floor plant sure to please a boring room or resuscitate the drab decor you never thought you’d get sick of. Very adaptable, this plant can live in many lighting conditions and with very little water. Needless to say, it wouldn’t be too dumb of you to invest in the dumb cane plant.
This species of evergreen tropical vines/shrubs are native to Central America but are great travelers as they can live anywhere and in many different circumstances. Though this bodacious plant thrives in bright indirect light, it can acclimate to handle direct light if need be. Allow the soil to dry out between waterings by watering it every 1-2 weeks for best growth results and you’re both good to go!
Just like the Devil himself, devil’s ivy is impossible to kill. It might even enjoy watching you if you tried to! Like many of the dirt dwellers in this article, devil’s ivy relishes bright indirect sunlight and appreciates a well-draining potting mix as it doesn’t require too much water on account of the pothos plant’s shallow root system. This plant’s vines can reach 10′ or longer very quickly, making them the poster child for homes using or wanting to decorate with hanging baskets. Alternatively, if provided with a moss pole or another type of support, it can climb up your wall for easy eye entertainment.
This fun wild leafed plant has grown in popularity for good reason as it is unique in all the right ways. Forgiving and visually satisfying with its smooth bulbous upright water-storing trunk and lush wavy leaves resembling a cartoon’s bouncy ponytail, this plant is by far the ideal houseplant for most people. In fact, it is as easy as a succulent because it happens to be one itself! This succulent is down to compromise if you are down to do half the work. As long as you give it bright light about half the time (meaning, half the year place it outside or in direct sunlight and the rest of the year wherever you want) it is nothing but happy. Feel free to be sparse when feeding this plant for it’s best in semi-dry conditions.
This queen bee plant is celebrated for the bountiful benefits it can gift you along with its thick fleshy leaves. The spike studded aloe vera plant belongs to the succulent family making it even easier to accommodate. This indoor companion can wither wrinkles and relieve pain from scrapes and burns when applied topically. Though it is oftentimes used as a moisturizer this does not mean it needs copious amounts of water. Just the opposite actually. Give it water every other week and you’ll have one happy plant. The fact that it prefers shade over sun only helps keep aloe vera at the top of your wishlist.
This vine-producing plant is all the rage right now for its ability to give you a living green veil cultivated completely from its long draping vines. Better yet, when fully mature it can produce green-white flowers. Their long waxy sweetheart shaped leaves grow rapidly with little to no care needed. Be sure to water liberally while avoiding letting the plant sit in water for long periods of time. Being able to withstand any temperature and amount of light it’s no wonder this plant could sponsor Pinterest given the number of posts featuring it.
This exotic beauty is native to regions of India and Malaysia but does not shy away from areas that supply different temperatures and climates which places it number 10 on this list. Soaking it’s dark green and light pink tie-died leaves in a medium amount of light will keep this plant’s color vibrant and fresh. When it comes to its watering needs you can trust when I say less is more. You will want to water evenly so that the soil is not soggy. However, during cooler seasons you’ll want to reduce its water intake. We can’t help that she has preferences but my! how easy the preferences are for such a stunning piece of indoor nature.
So, let the perfect plant people do as a perfect plant person does, and in the meantime enjoy your easy, green, lively, never needy plants while reading more and watering less.
Lastly, be sure to comment to share your experiences with any of the plants on this list or any tips you may have to help each of us and our plants grow that much more!
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