An Open Letter To Those Who Are Feeling Lonely All The Time
Listen. It’s completely normal to be feeling the way you are feeling. I also feel this way. Lots of people feel this way but strangely, that does not make you feel better. Knowing others feel this way is not enough, which is understandable, because what you need is someone who can lay out exactly what you feel. This is fine, you have every right to want this from someone. It’s just hard to find. You know this, which is why we’re gonna lay it all out now. If you are feeling lonely all the time, take a look at some of my similar experiences and what I have learned.
Hopelessness
You feel hopeless, like no matter what you do nothing will get better. You feel like no one truly likes you and they string you along because they have to. You feel like you have no real friends, because you cannot trust someone to truly like you for who you are. You feel unwanted and undesirable, because you feel as if you’re no one’s first choice. You’re normally the initiator and you set up when you are meeting people. This bothers you sometimes because it makes you feel like no one would ever talk to you unless you reached out first. This makes feeling lonely all the time more hopeless because you cannot understand why “you have to do everything”. You’re feeling lonely all the time and even more undesirable because you clearly know you have a ton of friends, you just feel like they won’t hang out with you unless you ask them to. You feel left out when others hang out because you see the people you try to initiate with actively initiate with others, but not you. You take it personally although you know nothing of the situation. You become paranoid that there’s something wrong with you and that there is some underlying reason why “people don’t wanna be with you”. Your mind goes down a dark path that shows you having no one to turn to in the end because it was all a big joke and all those “friends” you have are really just a big lie to make you feel normal when really you’re not normal and they can see that which is why they don’t choose you first so you…
Drive
Yourself
Insane
Over
NOTHING.
It’s all in your head and you know it, yet you can’t seem to shake the feeling that some of what you’re thinking is logical. Remember, if you’re feeling lonely all the time, take a deep breath and relax.
You’re right.
Sometimes you’re the initiator in relationships, and that’s just how it is. Your friend seems to trust you to start things, and unless you tell them otherwise, that’s how things will be. Sometimes you’re not someone’s first choice, but that does not mean you’re not a choice at all. Sometimes you are unwanted, and those who don’t want you are missing out. It sucks when you want someone so bad and you initiate so much and they won’t give back. Leave them, they don’t matter if they’re not giving back. Sometimes you feel lonely although you seem to have tons of friends. I’m here to say that not only do I know and live this feeling everyday, but I am also here to say that it is okay to feel this way. Being lonely in a crowded room is normal. People can have millions of friends and feel this way- this is just a part of finding out who you are.
I know how you feel to a T, but I also know deep inside what you want. You want to be the first choice. You want to be the one that people text first. You want to be wanted, needed even. You want people to ask you to hang out. You want people to ask you how you are. You want security in a group of people because they regularly reinforce it. You want to trust others, and not have any doubts or paranoia over people liking you. You want to be a beacon of light that every is attracted to. The center of attention. The person who gets surprise parties thrown for them. The person who is surprised in general. The person with acclaim. The person with tons of comments on their pictures on social media. The person people get excited to see. The person with friends who constantly build you up instead of make you feel left out. You want to be the It-Person, and trust me, that’s okay. It is also OK to feel this way in feeling lonely all the time. But, know you are worth so much.
Now, just because it is okay to feel this way does not mean you can let this fester inside you forever. Feel lonely when you feel lonely. Feel sad and angry when you do. Feelings are not wrong, actions can be. You cannot let these feelings control your actions. You need to let yourself have a little pity party and then brush it all off. I understand this is hard- but you really need to try. By letting this rule how you are in any relationship, you hide yourself away. You become cold and bitter. Do not become this way. Let yourself be sad and then look at the better things in life. I know that this is also hard because being positive all the time is kinda the most impossible fucking thing for someone who feels sad a lot, but at least try it. You need to not take the easy route when it comes to feelings because it makes you get into bad habits.
I know it’s easy to hide away and not initiate or make more friends because you feel as if you’ll always feel lonely. I know it’s easy to stay miserable and hate people because they “have no balls”. I know it’s easy to wallow in self pity and actively not try and change your outlook because “people don’t deserve it”- but that will never help you fix your problem.
To get yourself out of this slump, you need to think about a few things.
People do care about you
They want to be with you
They would be very upset if they heard how you felt
They would do their best to fix it
And possibly- this could just be in your head and you need to step outside of yourself and realize you may be overreacting (which is okay- just don’t act on what isn’t real)
People do care about you. They love you and want to see you, but trust that you will initiate. People do want to hang out with you, and you are wanted and desired. You just are too deep in your dark hole that you cannot see this. People would be upset if they heard you feel this way- and would actively change it to make you feel better. You just need to trust more and have faith in others. You are a beacon of light- you just need to let yourself shine. You are the only person standing in your way, and trust me, once you really, truly realize these things, you will feel less lonely and underappreciated. If you are feeling lonely all the time, know that not all moments will feel like that. You won’t always feel alone.
You may not be the It-Person. You may not have a great following on social media. You may not have a giant friend group or have ever had someone throw you a party in your honor. You may not have won anything or felt appreciated, but you need to know that someday this will all blow over. You will be someone’s It-Person. You will have that surprise party. You will be honored and appreciated and people will comment on your pictures, You will find those people that make you feel like you’re the best (because you are), but you need to be patient. People don’t find their tribe right away. It takes patience, time and openness to finding it. You need to continue to trust and have faith that you will no longer feel this way, and that people do care about you and love you now, even though you don’t feel as if you have found your tribe. Hey- your tribe may be right in front of your eyes, you just need to be open to seeing it and receiving the love they give. You need to just love- and even when you feel like you’re getting nothing back, continue to love. Love will set you free, hate will keep you in shackles.
With all of this being said, know I love you. I am here for you. I am here to bitch about this any time. I feel this everyday, but I remember to trust, keep the faith, and be open to whatever happens. Yes, I have my emotional days too, but feel what you wanna feel and just love. Love while you can. If you are feeling lonely all the time, just know you truly aren’t the only one is this struggle.
Sincerely,
A person in your shoes
