Categories: Alcohol

Delectable Beers To Add Hair To Your Chest

If you’re a beer snob, then you probably already know and have tried all of these beers. Some people aren’t as meticulous when it comes to basking in all of that flavor. Beer may not be directly linked to putting hair on people’s chests, but it hasn’t been proved that beer can’t put hair on people’s chests. Much like cigarettes, sugar, and everything nice, the science is still out on the chest-hair growth properties of beer. Experts believe that bacon may or may not play a role in this process.

Quick Terminology Refresher

IBU is an acronym for international bitterness unit: this is a measurement of the bitterness of a beer. The bitterness of a beer is generated mostly by hops. ABV is short for alcohol by volume. Some of these beers are strong in different ways than the other ones.

If you’re someone who doesn’t like anything stronger than light beer, then please leave. No one needs that kind of negativity here.

Ten FIDDY Imperial Stout

Oskar Blues Brewery creates this awesome amalgam of unparalleled glory. It is a limited series, so they’ll show up in random places. If you can find one of these bad boys, drink it.

This titanic, immensely viscous stout is loaded with inimitable flavors of chocolate-covered caramel and coffee hiding 65 hefty IBUs underneath the smooth blanket of malt. A black hole of burly malt flavor, ten FIDY (10.5% ABV) is made from immense amounts of big, dark malts including rich caramel malt, flavorful Munich malts and fluffy oats resulting in a giant, opaque, cosmic beer entity. (Oskar Blues Brewery)

Two other Oskar Blues limited series beers are Bamburana Double Barrel-Aged Imperial Stout and Barrel Aged Ten FIDDY.

Samuel Adams Utopias

Utopias is an expensive beer that’s produced in limited amounts. This sounds like an awesome beer to have with a cigar. Utopias “is not shipped to or sold in 15 states.”

This beer starts with…a special blend of two-row pale malt combined with Munich and Caramel 60 malts that impart a rich, ruby color. Three varieties of German Noble hops – Spalt Spalter, Hallertau Mittelfrueh, and Tettnang Tettnanger – are added to balance the sweetness of the malt. After the beer is brewed, the first proprietary brewing method begins – adding special yeast strains.
The brewers utilized several yeast strains during fermentation, including one typically reserved for champagne and a ‘ninja yeast,’ created for its ability to survive and continue fermenting in an environment that has such a high alcohol level…At 28% ABV, the brew is reminiscent of a rich vintage Port, old Cognac, or fine Sherry with notes of dark fruit, subtle sweetness, and a deep rich malty smoothness. (Sam Adams Brewery)

Founders Breakfast Stout

With an ABV of 8.3% and 60 IBUs, this is made with enough coffee to give young men heartburn. If you’re planning on eating on top of this, then don’t bother. Many people claim that some beers are liquid bread. It’s a misnomer for others but not this one. It is a thick stout.

“The coffee lover’s consummate beer. Brewed with an abundance of flaked oats, bitter and imported chocolates, and two types of coffee, this stout has an intense fresh-roasted java nose topped with a frothy, cinnamon-colored head that goes forever.”

Dog Fish Head: 120 minutes

This has an ABV of 15–20%, 120 IBUs, and has enough hops to burn the hair off of your chest.

“120 Minute IPA is continuously hopped with a copious amount of high-alpha American hops throughout the boil and whirlpool, and then dry-hopped with another pallet of hops. Unfiltered and abundantly hoppy, it’s the Holy Grail for hopheads!”

Dog Fish Head: Hoo Lawd

This beer is 8.5% ABV and has an insane 658 IBUs.

“Brewed with an experimental hop referred to as “Alpha Beast” along with Simcoe, Warrior and Amarillo hops in CO2 extract, Hoo Lawd takes dark IPA into an intergalactic black hole of hoppiness.”

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Lagunitas: Imperial Stout

With a 9.9% ABV and 72.54 IBUs, this beer tastes like a liqueur.

“Made with Highly roasted malted barley, and plenty of it, to give the beer an uncommon richness and smoky, roasty depth…sorta like a hydraulic sandwich in a glass.”

Magic Hat #9

This is the weakest beer on the list, but it’s got a unique flavor. It has 5.1% ABV with 20 IBUs. It’s best not to drink too many in a row, as it eventually becomes sickening.

“A sorta, dry, crisp, refreshing, not quite pale ale whose mysterious and unusual palate will swirl across your tongue with subtle notes of fruit and a floral hop bitterness. Beyond that, we dare not tell you more, for with each sip, mysteries are revealed and still more questions raised.”

Brewmeister Snake Venom

This is a strong one. Vodka is normally around 40% ABV, so this beer is almost at grain alcohol levels.

Snake Venom is the world’s strongest beer as of 24 October 2013, coming in at 67.5%. It is dark amber in colour with no carbonation due to the high ABV. Unlike the previous Armageddon, the alcohol is not masked in Snake Venom. It is highly present yet it still tastes like a beer with a good degree of hop profile. Each batch is tested by the brewery before bottling and random batches are tested externally. (Beeradvocate.com)

Carbon Smith Fcks Up Your Sht IPA

A commenter on Untapped: Drink Socially stated that this beer “is like drinking a stinky cheese.” It has 9.8% ABV with 2600 IBUs. If we are to believe this, then may Dionysus help the man or woman who drinks it.