A couple of words of advice for missing class before the stories begin. First, you can never go wrong when you have a spare pair of crutches laying around your dorm room. Any weather-related excuse is always golden. Any story that involves “while on the way to class..” shows you actually tried to get there (so they’ll think) and you actually had a reason to miss class last minute.
The best student excuses, however, are the ones that are crazy enough that they just so happen to be true.
“We have a course by campus, and me and a few of my frat bros have a regular tee-time that runs into my writing class. I was half an hour late this one time but had used up all those unexcused absences, so I had my friends record me getting hit by a golf cart and I just told the professor it was an angry caddy. I should’ve won an Oscar for that performance.” – Student at St. Lawrence University
“I didn’t feel like going to class that day so I told an elaborate story to the professor about how I was driving on the 4-lane highway by the school and my back tire popped, so I crossed over 4 lanes of traffic to the shoulder and then a bout of torrential rain came down so I couldn’t change it myself, and then it was hard for the tow truck to get to where I was because of the busyness of the highway and construction work being done.” – Student at Syracuse University
“I was arrested on the way to class. I got pulled over for speeding to get there on time and then when I talked to the officer, it turns out my license had expired a month before. He then asked me tons of questions about my gym bag and bookbag and asked me to open them, which I politely refused. He got really riled up after that and then told me how he could arrest me for a misdemeanor. I then got really mouthy and answered back ‘Yeah, okay then, do it.’ Well he did, and I spent the night in jail.” – Student at SUNY Plattsburgh
“I emailed the professor with a very concise email, ‘Dear Professor Smith, I regretfully partook in weekly Sunday Funday festivities, and will not be making it into class today. Simply put, Beer S#!ts. That is all.’ They emailed me back asking for a note from Student Health, and then I responded with ‘Would love to, but can’t be away from the bathroom for longer than 10 minutes.’ They definitely were not too happy, but what can you do, right?” – Student at Penn State
“Our campus has a lot of deer by the residence halls and I decided to try to jump on one like a horse. Alcohol was very much involved with this decision. So, I got down on the ground and wriggled my way up to it and then I popped up 3 ft behind it, and it got startled. It went a little manic trying to attack me with its antlers and then gouged a big hole in my leg. Went to the ER and ended up missing 2 finals.” – Student at Syracuse University
“Our school has a Division II football team, and their practice field is right between my apartment and the school buildings. I was running 5 minutes late, which meant I had to run there. I took the shortcut through the field, thinking I’d make it in time. The receiver went deep, turned around to catch the ball and ended up hitting me in the head with their elbow, knocking me unconscious.” – Student at Tarleton State
“I was pledging this frat and they like to pull pranks on us the night before exams. Some guys got their fingers superglued together, some got their eyebrows shaved off. Well I got picked up in the middle of the night, mattress and all and duct taped to a flag pole right in front our house. I eventually got loose and showed up 45 minutes later but the professor didn’t believe me. Worst part is, the frat was in perfect view of the classroom, so if the professor had just looked out of the window, he would have seen I wasn’t lying.” – Student at Penn State
“We have a bonfire every year and I wore my favorite leather jacket. My girlfriend got mad at me and threw her drink at me, which was vodka and Sierra Mist. Thought nothing of it and just kept talking to my buds. Fireworks were set off a while later, and one of the pieces of the firework came down and hit my shoulder, and ignited my right shoulder on fire. I was drunk and didn’t really feel anything right away but then it occurred to me to roll around on the ground and someone called the ambulance. They ended up taking me to the hospital, cutting me out of my jacket. Spent the next 2 weeks in the hospital with 3rd degree burns on my arm and neck, missing finals week.” – Student at the University of Arkansas
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