Can You Really Ever Get Out Of The Friendzone?
The friendzone. This is a mythical invention that people use when someone doesn’t want to date them. It first came about in the 90s and was made popular by Friends. However, the friendzone doesn’t exist.
People, men or women, are allowed to turn someone else down because they don’t like them.
There is no zoning, there is no pushing. Just because Stacey doesn’t want to date Ben, it doesn’t mean she has friendzoned him. Maybe Stacey likes Pete. That’s okay to, if Pete likes Stacey then they should be merrily on their way. Even if Pete and Ben are friends, Ben should respect them both and be happy that they found each other.
The myth of the friendzone is usually directed towards women
With men wanting something more with their female friends and the women just wanting to be friends. It isn’t the woman’s fault that she doesn’t want to date you, but she just isn’t attracted to you – sorry about that. It’s usually used as an excuse for why a woman doesn’t want to date a man. Even though there might be a perfectly good reason for her not wanting to date him, such as her not being attracted to him. But alas no, she must have friendzoned him.
Relationships change over time, people get closer and other people fall away from each other. It is very easy from friends to go from only being friends to being more than that. You don’t need some silly school-child theory of ‘friendzoning’ to make finding a relationship even more difficult.
If you continue to pursue someone in the hopes of escaping the friendzone, you’re probably just going to push them away further.
If you’re friends with someone and they use your friendship as a reason not to date, then maybe just accept that you’ve got a good friend. Perhaps in the future the situation might change, and their feelings might change, but pressure and bringing up ‘friendzones’ really isn’t going to help you in securing that date.
If you are in this situation and do like someone who are friends with, the best thing you can do it talk. It is always so much better to talk to someone and explain how you are feeling and understand how they are feeling in response. If they reject you, that’s okay, it shows you that they maybe aren’t comfortable with the situation and would rather you quelle your advances. It could be a matter of consent, by refusing your advances they are showing you that they are not interested and do not want you to hit on them. It is therefore unfair of you to be upset by the situation if they clearly are not interested and have told you so.
It can also come across as quite rude to the person who is being accused of ‘friendzoning’, just because they are not interested in dating you, doesn’t mean they should be labeled.
It could make them feel uncomfortable, or like they’ve done something wrong. It could make them decide to date you just because you’ve said this thing. That’s the worst possible decision they could make, they don’t want to be with you, but they don’t want to be known as someone who ‘friendzones’ others. It’s much healthier to talk to them and figure out what you both want; and respect that.
Friends date all of the time. Best friends date, long distance friends date and strangers date as well. There is no such thing as the ‘friendzone’. It is just a matter of, as always in these situations, whether the person wants to date you then or not. Just communicate and be kind.
