In this day and age of oversharing every single occurrence on social media, it’s not unusual to see some people decide to flip off this convention and just keep everything under wraps. However, there are obviously a few negatives consequences that need to said before you try this type of thing.
This problem is pretty self-evident. It doesn’t matter if why the relationship is secret in the first: it has to be kept that way. Expecting demonstrations of affection like a party or anything along those lines is just setting yourself up for disappointment.
The flip side of the previous topic applies as well: if you like to show off the person you’re with via the usual channels, your partner can be extremely strict about the terms of said relationship and the be willing to reinforce them. Loud-mouths better keep out of these deals!
Why is your relationship a secret in the first place? Are you ashamed of one another? Do you not take each other seriously? Are you afraid of your family’s reaction to this secret relationship Yes, it can be the obvious solution of simply valuing your privacy, but you might want to make sure you’re both aware of what this relationship is for the both of you
This attempt to get clarification about your relationship can lead some people to see you as clingy and distrustful of your partner. It’s an easy equation: paranoia + secrecy= a rift in your secret relationship.
Here’s a nightmarish scenario for you: what if your partner is psychologically or physically abusive? In a secret liaison, you’re essentially handing them free reign to be their horrible selves while removing any pesky thing like reliable support that could help you get the secret to leave them as early as possible.
Whatever the reason for the secrecy, it’s not exactly normal to disappear with your secret love for a few blissful hours or days and not to expect many people to be openly wondering what exactly you’re doing in your private life when it seems to resemble that of an on-call doctor. (With roughly the same sleeping schedule!)
Not everyone can handle a regular relationship, much less a secretive one. The verbal contortions and self-monitoring you need to perform in order to avoid disclosing anything significant can be even more tiring than the garden variety of relationship. Especially if neither of you wants to risk whatever consequences could occur if any word got out.
It’s easy to have wandering eyes when your bond isn’t exactly concrete and most people are very much aware of this condition. These kind of relationship are the bread and butter of any person who likes to get some on the side and if you discover any infidelity…
No public presence also means you’re easy to erase. If your significant other is going to dump you for any reason, no one will weep for what you had beside you. Which could be an advantage if you’re the one who wants out. (You sick monster!)
Get ready for the hour-long interrogations by every curious and moralizing friend, family member, and coworkers as they wonder what were you thinking when you started this top secret relationship. I hope the heartbreak and suspicion from everyone were worth it.
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