Honestly, we couldn’t put a number on how many signs there are because the list went on and on as the article came together. Keep your UofT crush in mind and make reference to them often as you read these symptoms to properly diagnose your love interest. I hope the test results are less than 50%… that’s probably a first for a UofT student! There are definitely many more signs than the ones here, but you’ll be able to get the gist of a true FuckBoy or FuckGirl once you’re through reading. Good luck!
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Unfortunate Signs of a FuckBoy
“Stacks on Stacks, Never Any Racks”
Your “dates” take place beyond the stacks on the 13th floor of Robarts. Where absolutely no money is spent, no one can see you, hear you breathing, or even know you are with him. Just like a true romantic…
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Gourmet Meals: Kelly Style
His idea of fine dining is taking a romantic walk to the Kelly Café for some knock off Starbucks coffee and a stale croissant. Or to one of the sparkling food trucks… whichever is closer, you know.
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Queen’s Park Cock-Block
If you want to meet your Life-Sci Bae after your Book & Media class you can bet your ass you’ll be missioning it across Queen’s Park to St. George to meet him!
A FuckBoy doesn’t run from one end of campus to the other for anyone. Just from one end of the Goldring Center to the other to lift with their bros!
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Bros, Bros, Bros
When he said he wanted you to meet his family, he ever so kindly walked you to the front door of his fraternity house… ‘nuff said.
Get Rich…. Or Not
His future plans consist of a whole lot of “Who cares…”, “The Maddy is in my future!”, or my personal favorite: “Bills and babes!” *eye roll x3*
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Open Up Them… Books?
He’ll promise to come to lecture for the sake of seeing your face, bail; slide into your DM’s on the weekend expecting you to open up some notes and a few extra things for him. Nah dude, not how this UofT scholar rolls.
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The UofT FuckBoy Basic…
Netflix and study for SMC228?
Alright we got our laugh, now it’s time for the girls to be in the hot seat. This is your official guide into the mind of a UofT FuckGirl. Enjoy boys!
Unfortunate Signs of a FuckGirl
Commuter Problems… But Not Really
The class you purposely took with her ends at 3:00pm, but her bus back home leaves at 3:20pm. Oops, can’t wait for the 3:50pm bus…. Must. Go. Home. Now. Dinner will be ready at any moment! Kidding! That FuckGirl just doesn’t want to spend another second with you, that lecture was painful enough.
Bloor Before Bros
She will 99% of the time use Yorkville or Bloor St. shopping as one of her excuses to not go out with you before/after/during class.
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Sneaky Study Sesh
When you ask to have a study sesh before an exam, she’ll agree but lead you both straight to the extremely silent study rooms on the second floor of Robarts. Bye to talking or even breathing in her direction.
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Wrongly Working Out
She is VERY well known at any athletic center on campus, and not for her avid workout routine. Even the Hart House men can’t get enough of her assets.
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She’s Practically A Kardashian
Not only does she sport her Kylie Jenner liquid lipstick to lecture every week, but she’s sure to lip sync every song in your MUS courses and post the video to Snapchat… just like Kylie Jenner!
Gone Girl
You’ll see her almost every week in lecture, while the rest of the days she’s totally ghosting your texts on every level. But you know she’ll be at El Furniture Warehouse or Brennan Hall on her downtime rounding up her next sidepiece.
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The Fake SnapChat Affair
She just HAS to SnapChat you two together and add it to her story every Wednesday night when you’re cuddling up for your 3 hour Stats lecture. And you thought you guys were nothing…. Yeah you’re not, but the rest of her FuckBoys on SnapChat don’t have to know!
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Ian Is NOT Innocent
You found out Ian from ITA100 is not just a friend like she promised. Ian’s rather touchy affection toward her when you saw them at King’s College Circle tells you otherwise. She’s playin’ you fool!
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Unfortunate Signs of a FuckBoy and a FuckGirl
Endless Love For The 6ix God
Drake lyrics are a go-to for their Instagram captions, those midnight tweets before bed, or the classic Snapchat story at 2am with 6ix views in the background to get all of their haters wondering who they could be referring to!
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King/Queen Status
“I’m too good for you” is their motto. No one can EVER be as great as their intelligent UofT scholarly mind.
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The Socially Acceptable Nude Pic
The #MyCalvins has made it to their Instagram page at least once, if you’re lucky twice, accompanied by a suggestive picture. If you look closely enough you can see their Psychology textbooks burning in the background.
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If You Don’t Post, Did You Even Go?
If they’ve done a squat challenge you’ll be sure to know about it because they’ve checked in at Goldring on every social media channel when they need to complete the next stage of the challenge for their summer-ready bod.
Maybe…Maybe Not…
They RSVP to UofT club events, meetings, or study group invites with the “Maybe” option to remain mysterious. This ultimately makes them look dumb AF.
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BANA BRO!
Lastly, you WILL hear about their Sunday adventures at Cabana Pool Bar in lecture on Monday morning bright and early… that’s if you haven’t already seen their 4 Instagram posts about it, all featuring the classic #BanaSunday or #Bana.
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WARNING!
If you have or are currently experiencing a human having 5 or more of these qualities, I beg of you to please steer clear of them. UofT has a million other students you can be friends with, just don’t choose these individuals.
We can’t live with them and we can’t live without them. Even so, try to keep your mind clear and you heart whole… FuckBoys and FuckGirls are not your friends!
