We’ve all been there. We’ve all wondered how to get over someone. There were the ones that just weren’t ready, the ones we knew better than to go for, or the ones who made knowing them way too complicated, and the ones that just never felt the same way towards us. And despite what you may believe, the proximity doesn’t make all that much of a difference in the hurt you’re left with. They could be an almost lover, a flirtation-ship, or even a stranger. The pain is all the same, simply because it is all a product of the hopes, dreams, and fantasies that you had about that person.
Most of our feelings are built in our heads, when we are left alone to think about it, and not when we are physically present around that person. It is our idea of them, their imagined being and the hypothetical scenarios we build in our heads that we grow so attached to. So what do we do when we are faced with the fact that these fantasies will never come true? How do you proceed from the realization that there is and there will be nothing given back to you? Here’s how to get over someone you never really had>
There is truly just one answer. And it isn’t time (although that helps). It may be cliche, it may be overplayed, but it is the truest truth. In the face of whatever it may be: rejection, neglect, envy; the best thing to do is to remind yourself of your worth, nay, insist on it. Love is fleeting, but we as humans are stuck with the dedication to our own selves for the remainder of our existence. We are inescapable from us. Nayyirah Waheed once said “If someone does not want me, it is not the end of the world.
But if I do not want me, the world is nothing but endings.” Self-love is and will always be the only key to your happiness, and is something you must continue to work towards in the absence, and even the presence, of a lover. Because we cannot separate ourselves from our own hearts, we must make the biggest effort to keep them whole using our own power.
Read a book. Take a bath. Follow a self-care page on Instagram. Get your nails done. Distract yourself with friends and family. Dedicate more time to school and work than ever before. Commit yourself to a long-term self-improvement journey that leaves you no time to worry about romantic love. Stop and remind yourself that you shouldn’t worry about love at all. Good things come to those who wait, and the best things come when you aren’t searching. Remember you cannot rush fate, and you cannot simply wish things into existence, let things ride out as they should. Go with the flow.
You are not yet the best version of yourself that you can be. Focus on becoming that person, so when you do meet the right one for you, you are at the optimum chance of making it work. Trust in God’s timing, and make sure you’re doing everything in your power in the meantime. You are worth every ounce of effort it takes to be better. You owe it to yourself and your happiness to treat yourself amazingly, and want the best for you. If someone cannot love you right now, no matter, love yourself even better. Don’t be cheap with your energy and affection towards yourself. Realize you are at the top of the list to receive your own attention and time.
While doing this, you will come to gain a greater sense of confidence and reassurance of your self worth as well as in the truth that everything truly happens for a reason. Whatever your circumstance may be, rest assured that there will come a day when you will be able to appreciate the way your past fell together, and why it was so necessary for it to happen that way.
We can never know someone’s reasons for turning us away and will never understand why someone can’t see us the same way we see them. We can never make people ready, we cannot change who they are or quicken the pace at which they become ready. Truly, all we can do is trust in the process, and trust that the cards dealt to us by life were much needed lessons. Look forward to the day you meet the love of your life, and know that when you do, the stars will align and you loving them will be the easiest thing you have ever done. Love is not a battle. It is not a war. It should not be so tiring, hurtful, and painful. When it is, know that this is not the love created for you.
Ultimately, the best way to get over someone you never had, is to remind yourself of the universal truth that this person could have never provided you with the love you deserve, that you need, and the love you are so capable of giving yourself.
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