There are a thousand reasons why anyone, regardless of gender, might choose to shave, groom, or go au naturel. There is, however, a certain taboo when it comes to women and body hair. So what do you decide to quit shaving, but find yourself worried that will affect your dating life?
Do what makes you happy. Shave because you want to shave. Don’t shave because you feel like you have to, because you don’t have to do anything if you don’t actually want to.
When I was younger, I used to freak out at the idea of anyone catching so much as a glimpse of hair on my legs or armpits. Why? Because I spent a good deal of my life under the pretense that hairy women are, for whatever reason, somehow unhygienic or simply unladylike.
Personally, I LOVE shaving. I find the whole ritual therapeutic. That being said, I do it for myself. But the sad reality is that, unlike me, there’s a number of women out there don’t actually enjoy shaving. They do it mostly because they feel they have to, not because they want to. Here goes an example from one of my favourite plays, The Vagina Monologues by Eve Ensler (worth checking out, by the way), of a woman whose husband made her feel like she had to shave:
“He made me shave my vagina. It looked puffy and exposed and like a little girl. This excited him. When he made love to me my vagina felt the way a beard must feel. It felt good to rub it and painful. Like scratching a mosquito bite. It felt like it was on fire. There were screaming red bumps. I refused to shave it again.”
(Watch the monologue here.)
This might come off as a shocker, but the answer is, once again, quite simple: live your freaking life! You know all the time you spend stressing over your obligation to shave? Gone! You know all the time you spend SHAVING, especially if you’re one whose body hair tends to grow quickly? Done! You can actually enjoy your time showering! Trust me, it’s always liberating to stop giving a damn.
Also, stop apologizing. A very self-destructive habit I used to have, especially if I hadn’t felt like shaving for a while and someone else accidentally saw my hairy legs, was to apologize.
The question is: why? Why would I apologize? For growing HAIR?
When you constantly apologize for not shaving, you subconsciously shoot yourself down by believing it’s something to be sorry for. It’s not. It’s normal. People shave purely for aesthetics. Normally, people won’t apologize if they haven’t dyed their hair in a while and their roots are growing. Why? Because they have nothing to be sorry for. They dye their hair when they want to dye their hair. But they don’t owe you or anyone else the explanation as to why they haven’t dyed it.
The same thing applies to you. Stop apologizing, and you’ll slowly start to recognize that if you’re not apologetic about your body hair, you won’t feel self-conscious about it any longer.
Dating shouldn’t be any harder if you stop shaving, mostly because whether you’ve got a bush or not shouldn’t really affect your flirting skills. Don’t let it affect you.
If the sex is good, hardly ever will someone stop calling you or interrupt sex because you didn’t shave. People want foreplay, sex, connections. Only an idiot backs out of sex because of something as silly as body hair.
The body is yours. Not your partner’s. Yours.
A few partners might show signs of enthusiasm if you decide to shave for special occasions, but no partner should show signs of repulsion if you choose to let it all grow out. In fact, a partner who tries to impose rules regarding shaving… is a shitty partner. Filled with prejudice. Filled with entitlement over your body. You deserve better. There are TONS of people out there who couldn’t care any less about whether you shave or not.
So next time you find yourself thinking you have to shave, remember:
You’ll always be sexy. Hair or no hair. If your partner doesn’t find you sexy because you stopped shaving, there’s SOMEONE ELSE out there who will. Shave because you want to, never because you have to.
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