Dear Boy Who Dumped Me Because Of My Depression
Dear You,
Dealing with depression is hard on its own. Crippling thoughts, visits to the doctors, refill after refill. It is a challenge everyday just to get myself motivated and there is no solution to it.
Unfortunately, when I met you I thought you were the solution. You made me smile and laugh and talked to me all night, so the thoughts stopped creeping up, and you made me feel like my life was worth something.
You fought the good fight, I guess. Kept it going for months: the dates, “I love you’s” and the promises. Oh, you were my world, my sun and the key to my happiness.
But darling, eventually you must learn to only make promises you intend on keeping. I hate myself more and more everyday for putting all of my happiness into your selfish hands.
When my crying, anxiety attacks, perfectionism and lack of motivation became too much for you, you left. You were not even decent enough to come up with a nicer reason:
“You are too sad all the time, it is bringing me down. I want to break up.”
Oh? It is bringing you down? My bad, I will just turn my depression off. No worries!
You said you would always love me as you broke my heart in a matter of seconds. However, when old habits creeped back and I was taking one to many pills or having a few too many drinks, you were not there to help. Only my crying mother, the EMTs checking my pulse, the psychiatrist debating whether my prescription was too much of a risk to keep me on, and the therapist trying to convince me I am worth something were there.
I guess that is how it will always be.
Thanks for giving me another reason to hate myself. Another reason to think I am not normal. Another reason to believe I am alone in this world.
You are the problem. People like you are the reason so many people cannot be in relationships of any kind. We are too much effort, too much time, too much to handle. Instead of getting the support and love we need, we get rejected because people are too selfish to realize what is happening in the world around them.
I hope you are happy with life because that is something I fight for everyday.
Best Wishes,
A Girl Who Is Learning To Love Herself
https://www.instagram.com/p/BXiXyblnBlI/?tagged=depression
