10 Best Places For Iowa State University Students To Cry When You Just Can’t Anymore
It’s 2018, and it’s time we get over the stigma against crying in public. Bawling your eyes out in public should be a college student’s staple hobby. Honestly, anyone who judges you for turning into a real-life crying Megyn Kelly meme isn’t a student or is probably a robot. Regardless, they aren’t to be trusted. Whether you just flunked an exam or your roommate ate your chips, you should let your lacrimal glands do what they do best. However, you shouldn’t lament your college struggles just anywhere. These are the best crying spots for Iowa State University students that need to get it all out.
1. Thielen’s waiting area
Why would you cry in your dorm room, where you have to steal buy your own tissues when you can let those tears fall where the tissues roam freely? Thielen has a plethora of tissue boxes on display in their waiting area. All those students with colds shouldn’t be the only ones to benefit from Thielen’s complimentary tissues.
After all, us Iowa State University students do pay thousands of dollars to attend Iowa State. So why wouldn’t you take advantage of all the minuscule free services on campus? You technically don’t even have to schedule an appointment, just walk in, sit down and serenade your fellow students with your bellows.
2. While you’re waiting to get your food at Seasons
Crying, especially loud, ugly-faced blubbering, is the optimal social repellent. After all, it takes an exceptional human being to actually want to be around someone who fearlessly sobs in public. And if anyone does stay in the same vicinity while you’re mid-sniffle, then clearly you’ve found your soulmate. (Congrats, crying is the matchmaker you never knew you needed until now.)
Worst case scenario: you get kicked out of Seasons, but that’s unlikely because it takes a special kind of heartless asshole to kick a wailing, stress-eating student out of a dining hall. Best case scenario: Cocoa Bean adds extra chocolate chips to your waffle.
3. The College of Design’s basement
The CoD basement is already an innately upsetting place, and chances are there are already a handful of design students sobbing on their projects. So why wouldn’t you want to want to join the symphony of tears?
4. At any Cyride bus stop
Let’s face it: Cyride stops attract hordes of students. Whether you’re lucky enough to get a seat at a covered stop or you’re awkwardly standing in the general proximity of the stop, let your dolorous emotions shine.
Pro tip: the louder your wails, the better. If you need to, practice your operatic cries in your dorm’s shower so you can really perfect your art. The more raucous your cries are, the more people will vacate the Cyride stop — which means the bus will be less crowded. If the bus is already crowded, continue your tearful act as you board the bus.
5. Reiman Gardens’ butterfly wings
Not only is Reiman Gardens free to students, the butterfly wing is an obligatory (and stress-free) Iowa State landmark. It would be a mistake not to cry in an enclosure teaming with butterflies. Plus, your picturesque tears will be a perfect way to give visiting high schoolers insight on life at Iowa State. Maybe ISU will even give you some compensation for your advertisement (hopefully in the form of free tuition).
6. Anywhere in the towers
Even if you don’t live in Towers, every student knows it’s the perfect atmosphere to stress cry. If you aren’t convinced you need a relieving crying session, the vomit-stained hallway floors, dim lighting and overall stench will bring a tear to anyone’s eyes. Plus, the trek to these dorms will only amplify your woes.
7. Troxel Hall’s main lecture hall
The best part about Troxel Hall is that you can probably multitask and cry during class. After all, who wouldn’t want an audience to your Oscar-winning weeping? Not to mention, the crisp acoustics of the lecture hall will allow your wailing to really resonate.
8. Under the Campanile at midnight
Are you bitter that you’re still single this cuffing season, and now you don’t have a bae to kiss under the Campanile? Don’t fret, because you’re never alone when you have debilitating student loan debt and copious assignments. Granted, metaphorical companionship might not be the most practical Campaniling partner. If you need a physical date to take part in one of ISU’s oldest traditions, just bring along that tissue box that you stole borrowed from Thielen.
9. The guest art exhibit in Morrill Hall
Morrill Hall is an exceptional place for any shy sobber. Unless your parents forced you to explore every square inch of Iowa State’s campus, then you’re probably one of the thousands of Iowa State University students who are oblivious to Morrill Hall’s existence — including the fact that it houses a damn art museum.
10. The sauna in the state gym’s locker room
There’s no better way to finish a haphazard workout than a brief (or extended) weep in the sauna at the State Gym. Your lukewarm tears on your sweat-coated skin will only exemplify. It’ll be so cleansing that you’ll almost forget about that neglected lab report that’s due in an hour. Who knows, if you make sauna crying a part of your regular exercise routine, then you might meet your goals by your fifth or sixth year as most Iowa State University students do.
