From pre-prep to high school, there are staples of Melbourne that moulded you as a person. Whether it be wetting your hands at the NGV, perusing the endless laneways of the CBD or appreciating the sport religion at the heart of Melbourne, you’ll find at least one reason below to know that you’re born and raised in the wonderful city of Melbourne.
Primary school excursions to the NGV were just an opportunity to get up close and personal with the water window.
Being paranoid when sitting on the edge of the Puffing Billy, but acting brave so you could enjoy the time with your mates.
You never let anyone know that you knew Harold the Giraffe was just a puppet, and you always rejoiced when the session would replace PE. (And after recent events, we shall continue to enjoy the education Harold brings to Aussie children, in the back of a van)
The disappointment when you don’t get any gold when panning through endless amounts of water and dirt at Sovereign Hill — you were adamant that if you just had five more minutes that you’d find at least a little bit of gold.
Melbourne summers are atrociously hot and if it ever reached over 30º, you used it as an excuse to ask your mum for a Sunny Boy or Zooper Dooper…and then you’d cut your mouth on the plastic; ouch!
Anticipating the Royal Melbourne Show just so that you could beg your parents to buy you all the show bags you could get your hands on.
Christmas wasn’t complete without nagging your parents to drive you around your own suburb to find all the Christmas light displays and there was always the one house that was decorated to the max.
You weren’t happy if you didn’t get a hot jam doughnut anytime your parents dragged you to the Queen Victoria Market – if they wanted you to behave after getting up before 9am on a Saturday for them to get a good carpark spot, you had better have gotten the sugary snack.
AFL, Disney, any collection stickers or cards that came with a collection book were the treasure that you collected by begging your parents to continue buying newspapers and more groceries — and you always wanted to complete your collection first, or at least, always have one more sticker than your mates.
You know the coffee in Melbourne is some of the best — you can love it, hate it but respecting the coffee is the Melbourne way and you feel compelled to let everyone know it.
The Melbourne v. Sydney is Australia’s own sibling rivalry, and as Melburnians, we always take it seriously when dishing our abuse — the coffee sucks, it’s full of one-way streets, the roads are horrific, the people are snobby. But in the end, when it comes down to it, we’re all Aussies and god help a foreigner who disses our Aussie siblings. (Though Melbourne will always beat Sydney — most liveable city, and proud of it!)
If you didn’t meet at least ten other people who have some sort of ethnic background, I’d be surprised, with streets and suburbs in Melbourne dedicated to the multitude of cultures that make up our wonderful city. This multicultural community is something every Melburnian is very proud of.
Whether you had Saturday sports, season tickets to the AFL or were forced to not watch your favourite TV shows because the Grand Prix was on, so you believe that Melbourne is the sports capital of the world. And AFL is a religion and not barracking for your team with the highest level of loyalty is blasphemous.
Your childhood was preparing you for the classic Melbourne weather — 4 seasons, within 24 hours, and it never ceases to amaze every time.
Aussies in general are too lazy to use full names, and often omit first names altogether, and our lazy formula is simple — take your first or last name and either remove a syllable or two or replace the ending with a combination of ‘a’, ‘o’, ‘z’ or ‘y’. For example, Barry becomes Bazza, Paul becomes Pauly and so on.
Of course, we’re lazy with most words in our language anyway and take proper English down to the local Aussie English — on Sundy arvo, we have a barbie and watch the footy.
If you’ve ever used Victorian transport, you’ll already have found a chance to complain about the Myki system whether it be because fares have increased, you’ve misplaced it or your concession card (or are no longer eligible for a concession RIP), or your Myki expires (who knew these little plastic things had an expiry date?)
The City of Laneways, we have plenty of hidden little gems to appease the food-lover in you and you grew up anticipating to one day explore every nook and cranny of Melbourne’s cafe laneways.
You were taking days off for the Grand Final before it was made a public holiday and regardless of who you barrack for, your reaction is either this:
Or this:
You always begged your parents to let you go to all the festivals growing up, because in Melbourne there’s a festival on basically every week.
Despite differences that divide us (*cough*Grand Final scores*cough*), we stand by each other in times of need and are proud to call yourself a Melburnian.
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