Nearly everyone, at some point in his or her lives will have a crush on someone. Many may end up dating their crush but others will never get the chance. If you’ve just found out your crush isn’t who you thought they were or they’ve changed their mind and used the classic, “I’m not over my ex” line, you may be completely devastated right now. You will find yourself thinking about them when you’re doing the dishes, driving and trying to sleep. You think of everything they ever said to you and try to make sense of it all. It may feel like no amount of time will ever get the image of their face out of your head, even if you haven’t seen them in a long time. The healthiest thing for you to do during this time is to stop thinking about them all together and whilst this is easier said than done, here are ten ways to get them out of your head.
Some may say this is a dramatic or extreme move but sometimes it is the only way to stop you from torturing yourself. Calling, texting and checking for updates on social media will only make your recovery harder because you will try to find a hidden agenda in in each caption and text message, filling your already vulnerable heart with false hope. You also don’t need to be waiting around all day for a text that may never come. Don’t allow yourself to put your life on hold, expecting reconciliation.
Stalking their friends and family on social media needs to stop as well – it won’t get you anywhere.
Getting over someone you truly care for is always going to be hard, but you don’t need to do it alone. Call a friend, go get ice cream or stay at the bakery until 2am. Your friend will probably ask questions – just to make sure you’re okay. Let them do this. The benefit of friendship in times like this is that you can say anything and everything without passing judgement. Talking, laughing and crying with your friends will take your mind off them for at least a couple hours. Keep these friends close to your heart, always.
For as long as it hurts to hear their name, don’t say it. Get your friends on board and make it clear that no one is to say the name. Abbreviate it if you really must speak about him or her. Now, I realise this may seem super childish but it doesn’t have to be forever. Nobody likes to feel like their heart has sunk into their stomach and if is this is what happens each time the name is spoken then you need to do something about it.
You will know when you’re ready to hear it again.
You probably feel like you’re in the middle of a train wreck at the moment, which is why it is important to feel it. Cry, scream, rage. Share the story with your friends and family and tell them every detail, even the painful ones that you keep fixating on. Write about it in a journal, articulate all the unspoken things and allow yourself to miss this person. Resist the temptation to turn to anger and do not send nasty messages to him or her – trust me. There will come a time when you will need to stop sharing the story and let the relationship float away from you. Recognise this and admit to yourself and others that you are going to be okay.
On those nasty, restless nights where you just can’t seem to escape your thoughts, turn on Spotify and play their Party Anthems playlist. Turn the volume as loud as it can go and just dance around your bedroom. Dance and sing to throwback songs like you have no care in the world. It is okay to listen to sad breakup songs every now and then because they do make us feel less alone but remember you are trying to be happy so don’t be afraid to crank the bangers.
Also, smashing out the lyrics to Shout Out to My Ex by Little Mix will make you feel empowered and on top of the world. Fact.
I know it can be hard to want to be around people when you’re upset but being around other people will take your mind off them. Now, this is different to calling your friends because being around people can be as simple as taking on extra shifts at work or becoming more involved with events you usually wouldn’t. Be involved with people and activities that require you to be totally mentally present and don’t allow time to stop and think about them. Try your best to keep alcohol to a minimum through this period to avoid a crazy confrontation with a drunken text or call. Drinking to numb the pain won’t make it go away; in fact it will probably make it worse. You don’t need that drama!!
Think back to the days before you spent all your time obsessing over your crush. What were you good at? What did you do for fun? When we start seeing someone, we begin to do things together and often our own personal hobbies get put on hold. Get back into what you love to do whether that’s writing, dancing, baking, reading or watching Gossip Girl until morning. Doing these things will boost your confidence which has no doubt copped a massive blow. As you begin to get your confidence back, you will become less vulnerable and slowly but surely you will stop thinking about them.
Accept the situation for what it is. It sucks and might even be the hardest thing you’ve had to deal with but it is important to let it be. You can’t make people have the same heart as you, and even though you thought they were the most perfect person – they’re not. They never will be. Eventually, you will be able to forgive them or even see their perspective but for now – be at peace and move on. Your happiness depends on it.
Another perfect way to get them off your mind is to exercise. There is no better way to burn negative energy than working out. You don’t need to go and join a gym but going for a run when you start to miss them will do your mind and body and world of good. Exercise, as boring as it sounds, will help you work out your anger and may even relieve your anxiety around the situation.
Side note: There’s no better way to get revenge then looking and feeling absolutely amazing. If they didn’t miss you already, they certainly will when you look better than ever.
In all of this trying to get your crush out of your mind, you need to remember to look after yourself. You’ve stayed strong for so long and your friends will admire you for that but when they ask how you are – tell them the truth. It is okay to not be okay but you need to accept this before you will be able to move on with your life. It is okay to want to stay home and it is okay to cry. Getting the memories of them out of your mind doesn’t mean you need to pretend they never existed. They have helped shape you into who you are today and at the end of the day, there will always be someone cuter waiting to sweep you off your feet. If you’re one of those people who didn’t get to date your crush, all of this still applies. Don’t let anyone tell you, you shouldn’t be hurting over someone you were never officially with because it hurts just as much, if not more – because you had so much hope and so many plans.
Don’t be scared of love and what it did to you. Not everyone is destined to have a Chuck and Blair type love but there’s no harm in believing it can happen one day.
Stay positive!
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