An Open Letter To Anyone Who’s Considering Cheating On Their Partner

Dear anyone who is considering cheating,

I know things must be difficult if this is what you’re considering resorting to. Relationships aren’t easy and you won’t always be able to save them. But cheating on your partner is never the answer. Take it from someone who was on the receiving end of it. It breaks your heart, even if you know the relationship was never going to work.

Leave the cheating to the selfish, to the people who have no compassion. It’s immoral and torturous for the other person when they find out. Their self-esteem will diminish and their confidence will dwindle. Even if it’s only temporary, why would you want to be responsible for doing that to someone you once cared about?

Think about why you’re considering this.

Before you go through with it, stop and think. Why are you doing this? Why even consider it? What went so wrong that you’ve resorted to doing this of all things? Sometimes it’s a moment of weakness, a second of thoughtlessness that creates so much devastation. Don’t go through with it. You owe it to the person you’re with, even if they’ve somehow wronged you.

If it’s something you’ve been considering for a while, then why? What’s gone so wrong in your relationship that you can’t fix it? Talk to your partner, see if they feel as hopeless as you. The answer might be simpler than you think. Don’t create a web of lies to trap yourself in.

Put yourself in their shoes before making such a devastating decision.

What if you found out they had cheated on you? Have you ever been cheated on before? Think about that feeling, the tightness in your chest, the tears welling up, your fist curling from anger. It won’t be something they’ll get over instantly. They’ll dwell on it for so long, they’ll wonder what they did wrong, why they weren’t enough.  They’ll question whether they’ll actually ever be enough for anyone in the future. They’ll feel hollow and lost, they’ll look in the mirror and hate what they see. Sure, you won’t be the only reason the relationship ended, there must be something wrong for you to want to do this. But you’ll be the cause of most of the pain. Anytime they see you, they’ll want to cry.

Can you take being the cause of all this?

Consider other options first.

Consider what you could do before this. Talk to your partner, or talk things through with a friend to get an outside opinion. They might be able to see issues that you hid from yourself. They might make you realise that, actually, it’s just you being selfish. If you’re married, consider therapy. Consider fighting for your relationship or even simply ending it there and then.

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If there’s no hope, just end it. Don’t be the person who wants to have their cake and eat it too.

They won’t ever thank you for it, because they shouldn’t. Cheating should never be an option and no one should ever be grateful for their partner deciding not to do it. But ending it is easier in the long run. You can talk it through, tell them the problems that can’t be solved. They’ll be angry, of course. But they’ll have an answer, they won’t blame themselves or lose their self-esteem. It’s better to make the ultimate decision than to create another world where you belong to someone else in secret. If there is no hope, end it. It’s the right thing to do.

Don’t be the villain. You’re not a bad person.

Don’t let yourself be labelled as ‘the cheater’. It won’t help you in future relationships and it certainly won’t help raise your own opinion of yourself. Can you cope with having that on your conscious? You and your partner are both worth so much more than that. Don’t be the villain, the cause of so much hurt. You’re better than that. If you’re not, well then, your partner is better off without you and I hope they have the strength to see that instead of dwell on your idiocy.

All I ask, is don’t do it.

Just don’t do it. Don’t be that person. Don’t hurt your partner in such a sneaky, selfish way. Some people say they become stronger from being cheated on, and perhaps they’re right. But it’s only after they recover from it. Only once they get over the depression and pain it causes. They only improve when they gain in confidence again and feel the self-worth that you destroyed. But keep in mind, some people don’t recover. People can learn self-worth without such a painful experience, don’t make it harder for someone you supposedly care about. Be the better person.

To all potential cheaters, just don’t do it. Think about the other person and how you’d react if it was them doing it to you. You’re better than that.

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