Christmas movies are one of the best parts of the Holiday season. Chances are we all have been growing up watching the same Christmas movies year after year. And as we grow older, we may start to notice some pretty adult jokes that have been hiding in our favorite Christmas classics this whole time! Read on for the 10 adult jokes that went way over my head as a child.
Once Kevin realizes he’s home alone, he pretty much does what every kid would do in that situation. He jumps on his parents bed, eats waaaay too much junk food, and rummages through his older brother’s forbidden stash. While he’s deep into that last one what does he find in Buzz’s stuff, a Playboy magazine. But after looking through it for about .02 seconds he simply throws it out. Really what eight year old wants to look at Playboy when there’s little army men to be shot into the laundry shoot? This is one of the adult jokes I’m sure we never noticed.
In the beginning scenes of the live action How the Grinch Stole Christmas, we learn exactly why the Grinch camt to Whoville. He’s dropped off on the doorstep of some Whos, who are having some sort of Holiday party. When we are taken into the party we see the Whos dropping their keys into bowl on the table. In short, the Whos were having a key party, also known as a swingers party! Wow, those Whos were pretty kinky! We probably couldn’t have understood adult jokes like this even if we wanted too.
In a later scene of How the Grinch Stole Christmas, Cindy Lou Who is asking her parents where babies come from. Like most parents do to children of that age, they make up an elaborate story. They tell her that babies fall from the sky to their parents door steps in the night, and we see the story play out on the screen. A baby is dropped on the steps and a man comes out to see his baby. Upon careful inspection, he says that the baby looks like his wife’s boss. Now I’m not saying that the mom was having an affair with her boss, hey maybe the couple and the boss are regular guests of the infamous key parties!
Keeping true to his love of mobster movies and pranks, Kevin decided to use his favorite Angels With Filthy Souls movies to his advantage. He’s trying to distract the Plaza hotel staff while he slips out the other side of the room. In the second film of Angels With Filthy Souls (not a real movie btw) the main mobster accuses a woman of “smoochin” with everyone. As part of Kevin’s prank he makes it look like the mobster is addressing Tim Allen, and it is he who has been kissing everyone…. including Cliff. And one of the concierge happens to be named Cliff, leading everyone to believe they had been making out in secret. It’s definitely a hilarious scene, but one I’m sure we didn’t understand as kids.
In The Santa Clause, Tim Allen (Scott) plays a regular dad, who accidentally ends up killing the real Santa (which is kind of a disturbing plot to start with) and becomes Santa himself when he puts on the Santa suit. The first time he picks up Santa’s sack of toys he begins to fly. Charlie is amazed shouting “Whoa your flying!” at his father, who then retorts that he was in fact used to it since he grew up in the 60s! This is a not so subtle take on how Scott pretty much spent the decade getting high. Like, whoa, mind blown with this adult joke.
Again, Tim Allen proves he’s not the most professional Santa Claus around. In another scene where Charlie’s mom, Laura, is dropping him off with Scott for the night, she decides to give Scott the number of her boyfriends parents house, where she’ll be for the night. A responsible mom move. However, Scott immediate says, “1-800- SPANK-ME, I know that number.” Um, ew. Is he alluding to the fact that he calls into phone sex lines? I’m actually glad that adult joke went over my head. Not cool Scott, uh Santa, not cool!
In Home Alone 2, before Kevin begins another whirlwind adventure, he has to venture into the bathroom while his awful Uncle Frank is taking a shower. Once his Uncle Frank realizes that he’s in the bathroom, he yells at him to get out, claiming if he were to see anything, he would never grow up feeling like a real man. At that point Kevin would have been nine years old. I don’t see how bragging about your penis size to a nine year old (or really ever) is appropriate. Get it together Uncle Frank!
Now I know some of the most hilarious things about Buddy the Elf, is that he is, in fact, an elf and doesn’t really understand the human world. But the scene where he wants to buy his dad something special (a sweet sentiment) and looks to the lingerie section is a bit misguided. I know the tag read “For someone special” but come on Buddy look around! Did you ever notice your father (or really anyone) wearing anything that racy. He is strictly a suit and tie man. The lingerie also had cups in the bra, pretty sure Buddy’s dad couldn’t fill those out. And it’s New York in the winter, definitely not a weather appropriate gift!
Another scene where Buddy really should have paid attention, the scene where he hears Jovie singing in the shower and decides its perfectly normal for him to just stroll right in. He then proceeds to sit on the sink and sing along with her. Um, I’m pretty sure they have heard of personal space and privacy in the North Pole! And he could clearly already hear her from outside the bathroom! So really what is your excuse Buddy?!
Ah, Tyrion Lannister, uh, I mean Miles Finch. The hotshot children’s book writer who comes in to save the day for Buddy’s father, bringing with him a pretty arrogant and egotistical attitude. When Buddy walks into the meeting and repeatedly calls Miles an elf, then later an angry elf, prompting Miles to tell him that he gets more action in a week than Buddy’s had his entire life. Which, let’s face it is true. But did Miles really need to play the sex card? It’s a family movie! Pretty sure this adult joke made it over all our heads as kids.
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