A Message For Those Who Have Never Been In A Relationship

If you've never been in a relationship, you want stomething like what you see in the movies. But what if expectation doesn't meet reality?

Have you never been in a relationship? Before coming to college, the three things I associated with college based on what friends had told me were: alcohol, weed, and hookup culture. Hookups have become part of the definition of college in recent years, and apparently, you’re not making the most of “the best four years of your life” unless you’re on Tinder or some other dating app.

Personally, hearing this made me nervous, not because I wasn’t into the idea, but because I had never kissed anyone before, let alone lost my virginity (don’t worry, I have since had my first kiss; the milestone has passed). Before I finally had my first kiss, I often wondered why. Why hasn’t anyone tried to kiss me? Am I behind? No, you’re not behind, and you’re not alone. There are so many reasons to not even let it cross your mind.

You’re in College!

College is the time of self-discovery, so be selfish and focus on finding and improving yourself. Don’t feel the need to join Tinder or find a significant other right away. Meet new people, make new friends, explore the city you’re in, join clubs that interest you, build up your resume! In the long run, taking part in activities that improve yourself is going to matter a lot more than how many people you hooked up with during your first year. Making new friends and joining clubs will provide precious memories that you will cherish until the day you die.

You’re So Young!

I know this sounds a bit cliché, but if you think about it, you’ve barely been alive for two decades. You’re still a baby! You have plenty of time to experiment with hookups and relationships. There’s no need to rush. Rushing into hooking up with someone or a getting into a relationship may mean lead to you not having a good experience, and that’s not what you want to remember from your college years. I’m not saying that you should wait until you’re twenty-five to do anything, but remember that you have plenty of time to take part in all the finer things in life, if you know what I mean.

Que sera sera

Whatever will be, will be. If it happens, it happens. This is the mindset you should have. One of the biggest things that I learned my freshman year is that nobody cares. So, keep doing your thing, and eventually, someone will come along. And when they do, you’ll be happy that you didn’t just jump into a relationship with the first person you saw. When you start a relationship of any kind, whether it be committed or otherwise, you should do it because you want it not because societal norms are pressuring you to.

Let me be the first to tell you there is no checklist of things you have to do before going to college. You don’t have to kiss anyone before going to college; you don’t have to lose your virginity before going to college; you don’t have to have even a sip of alcohol before going to college. But if you truly want to check these milestones off the list before going to college, for yourself and not anyone else, that’s totally okay too!

Personally, relationships were never something that I prioritized. I’ve always been more focused on school and my career. Do I feel like I missed out on anything? Maybe I wish that I could have experienced that cheesy high school romance, if only as a foundation. But I’m not disappointed that it didn’t happen. Everything happens when it’s supposed to. Go at your own pace, do what’s best for you.