I think we all yearn for a love that is easy and on solid ground, someone who loves us right back and someone who stays. But as we grow up, we learn that love is not easy. It’s really… really hard. And when it doesn’t work out, we become disappointed in ourselves. We feel like we failed. One minute you are telling your best-friend how in love you are, how you never believed your heart could race so fast. Then the next minute you are sitting on your bathroom floor with your knees to your chest sobbing, asking her how long it takes for the pain to subside. Sometimes you sit there so long that you realize the wall you just painted wasn’t painted very well because you’re examining the wall like a microscope. When we are young, no one teaches us that the healing process takes time. We have to learn it ourselves. I learned it eventually when I got my heart broken for the very time back in 2017, but I had to endure an immense amount of pain to learn it. I guess that’s one of the risks you have to take when falling in love with someone… the earth-shattering heartbreak that can follow. Truth is, although I’m going to give my top five ways for healing over a heartbreak, in the end, only you yourself will truly know what it will take to heal your broken heart.
When I experienced heartbreak for the very first time, one of the best things I could have done was cry. And believe me when I say, I cried and cried and cried for months on end. Hell, I even screamed into my pillow more times than I can count. But to tell you the truth, I hate crying. Crying makes me feel weak for a reason that I cannot explain and I’m not weak, I’m strong—stronger than ever before from the heartbreak that I have endured. Through it all, I have learned that crying is good. It can give you a sense of calmness that you may not have felt before because you’re not holding all of the emotions you are going through in. So, cry away. Cry until you no longer can cry anymore.
If there is one thing I wish I would have done more when I was going through heartbreak, it would be to lean on friends and family more than I did. It’s important to be aware of the support you have in everyday life so when life itself becomes difficult (which it will often) you can lean on them and vent your thoughts away. I am thankful to have a wonderful support system. When I got dumped over text message, the first arms that I ran into were my father’s. In fact, his arms are still the ones I lean into when I need a sense of relief in this thing called life. If you don’t feel that you have people to lean on, then there are many outside sources (therapists, counselors, help phone-call lines) who will be there in times of need when all you want to do is lean on someone and vent so that you can feel just a tiny bit better.
One of the first things I always used to do after I would cry for hours was exercise. Exercise itself has always been a way for me to maintain fit, but to also relieve stress. I love to run, life weights and in recent years, I have always found a love for yoga because it’s very calming for me and it’s a great way to stretch and become more flexible. If you don’t have a gym to go to, you can easily do a quick workout at home to relieve all that tension you are holding in from heartbreak. Do twenty-five sit ups/push-ups or jog in place. If you want to do a full body workout, burpees will work your entire body and you may even sweat more than you think. Walking outside with a friend is always another wonderful way to get that exercise in all while with a partner in hand.
I have loved writing since I was a young girl and when I was dealing with all of the emotions that I was going through with my first heartbreak, truth is, I avoided writing for the longest time. Why? I didn’t want to relive the memories—both good and bad. I didn’t want to write anything down because I didn’t want to cry with every word that would be written down on paper or keyboard. But writing is good. Reliving the memories every now and then doesn’t have to be a bad thing, but can be extremely crucial in the healing process. It allows you to understand that sometimes things just end and that’s okay. It’s venting on paper. Write out all of your frustrations then throw it in the trash. I promise you will feel better afterwards.
If you’re experiencing heartbreak for the very first time (or second or third) you may find that it’s easy to lose yourself while in the process of finding yourself once again after being with that person. I’ll be the first to admit that when I experienced heartbreak at the age of twenty, I lost myself completely. It’s not something I am proud of, but in the end, shit happens and all we can do is learn to move on and learn from our past mistakes. Life is all about epiphanies—” I didn’t know that then, but I do now.” I wish I connected with myself more during that difficult time in my life, so that is why I am telling you do that if you’re a heart broken girl trying to heal from the person who broke your heart. Wake up early and watch the sunrise and stay up late to watch the sunset and stars appear in the jet-black sky. Climb that mountain you have always wanted to climb and remember that nothing worth it comes easy. Connect with yourself and stay true to who you are—even if you’re still trying to figure that out. I promise you that the pain will subside with time.
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