A Goodbye Letter to My First Love
The absence of someone who once was everything stings so badly
Having had more bad times than good
Is something that we can’t recover from
Too much has happened—we’re too far gone
You held me back from becoming myself
“You’ve changed,” “You’re a different person”
No. It wasn’t that I was changing–
It was that I was finally becoming who I’m meant to be
I guess that means that I have to let you go to become that person
It’s always the same, though
Something always reminds me of you
You’ll make an appearance in one of my dreams,
Some days you’re everywhere,
In a song, a smell, a funny joke
Wait—how’d this even happen? You’re my ex?
Someone I thought I would spend the rest of my life with,
Have a family with, be successful with? Is my ex?
Someone I’ve talked to every single day for years,
I no longer hear from.
We’ve gone our separate ways;
We’re no longer in each other’s lives
But maybe that’s what always needed to happen
You can get on with your life,
I can get on with mine
You see,
We were too comfortable
We smothered each other
You were my best friend, and I was yours
But somehow, we lost our way
We both need to take responsibility
Neither one of us was innocent
A working relationship takes two people
If we really wanted to make it work,
We would have made it happen, but we didn’t
We didn’t make each other happy
We’ve exchanged horrible words back and forth
We’ve put our hands on one another
That isn’t love
That’s not a relationship I ever want to be in again
We both deserve better and we know it
Yes, it hurts
Maybe it always will.
All we can do at this point
Is learn from our mistakes
& Move on
I’m done hating you
For what you’ve said and what you’ve done
I can’t dwell on it any longer
I have to move on
I want you to be happy
I really do
You were the source of my happiness for a long time
I hope that one day I see you,
Smiling ear to ear,
Next to the new woman who’s making you happy.
I hope you get everything you want in life
And don’t stop for anyone or anything.
As this year comes to a close
I had to make the decision
To leave you in 2015
The year that broke us
I’m not doing this out of spite–
I’m doing this for myself and for you
We can’t carry each other into another year
We both need a fresh start,
A new beginning
I deserve it
So do you
So, to my first love,
I hope you find what you’re looking for
And along the way,
I hope you find somebody,
Somebody to love.
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