Talking To Someone: Conceptualizing New Romance

Despite what the title might lead you to believe, this article will not serve as advice to millennials on how to communicate better…well, not entirely. When I started college, I began to hear the phrase “talking to someone” whenever someone was referring to a new person of interest. Because of my need to always be on top of the new lingo, I immediately assumed that they meant they were dating, or rather, that these two phrases were synonymous. Needless to say, I was wrong.

What does “talking to someone” mean?

The best way that I can define the concept of “talking to someone” is with this analogy: two chefs decide that they want to sample each other’s food. They are both famished, so they don’t want to get to know each other before setting up their meals. As they sit down at the table for the main course, they mutually decide on skipping the meal and going straight for dessert. Once both chefs have satisfied their sweet tooth, they (maybe) then decide to get to know one another on a more personal level…more personal than what temperature they prefer their oven to be preheated.

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The pros of “talking to someone”

Talking to someone can make things fun and light. Unlike the idea dating someone, when you’re “talking to someone,” emotions trickle in at their own natural pace, rather than creating a full on flood on co-dependence. It acts as the preliminary trial to something that might be there, which is nice because it gives you time to really get to know the person and most importantly, get to know yourself with that person. I have noticed that a lot of students my age don’t have time for a full-blown relationship. In between school, work and the oh so daunting thought of “what you’re gonna do when you grow up” —adding another person to the mix might only work in multiplying those difficulties.

Talking to someone can mean all the benefits of having a companion without any of the grueling stuff like PDA (if you’re like me and you’re not into that). It’s a system where each of you are able to be complete individuals, while still having a mutual understanding that is linked with attraction.

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Cons of this concept

Establishing any kind of mutual understanding is difficult when you are not technically in an established relationship. I’m sure you have all heard of the horror stories of one person thinking that they found the person that they want to spend the next quarter (or semester with), while that other person has 7 other people to occupy their time with. The problem with talking to someone is the ambiguity that comes with it. Because of how light it can be, it can oftentimes be difficult to trust that exclusivity is there. I have seen instances where two people decide to “talk exclusively” but the issue with this is that if one person decides to frolic around with other people, they are within their right to do so. Morally, it’s totally and completely wrong, but because both people are not in a relationship, the philanderer can not be chastised as a cheater.

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This tug and pull of emotions can also lead to the difficulty in understanding how to feel if something goes wrong. If the person that you thought you were exclusively talking to hooks up with someone else, can you be upset even though you two were just talking? Sure! But think about it, how much validity is in their statement, “We weren’t even together!”

And the solutions (if any)

Be as direct and as clear as possible. If you are talking to someone that you hope to one day be in a relationship with, express that to them. The pain of getting turned down is manageable compared to the pain of continuously talking to someone who has 5 different versions of you (maybe 7 if they feel like throwing in Saturday and Sunday). If you have too much pride for that, which I totally understanding, start to notice instances of progress. Is the person you’re talking to genuinely interested in your interests, your opinions, and your beliefs? Or are they just hitting you up with a “Wyd” text at 1 am?

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Because hooking up has become so nuanced, those who decide to partake in the hook up culture no longer have to be patient. But the problem with this is that inevitably that is all we might see in the people that we become involved with. For me, ripping off the bandage hurts a hell of a lot less than removing it slowly. Communicate how you feel, because at the end of the day, your feelings are valid! Even if others don’t agree with them, they are YOUR feelings and they are important solely because that. So wrap it up, run wild and make memories my fellow millennials!

OH and one more thing! If you were wondering whether or not my title had anything to do with Taylor Swift’s new single, it without a doubt, 1,000 percent does.