Beginner’s Guide To Breaking Up With Someone
Are you in a current situation-ship, or a relationship, that for whatever reason, you really need it to end or want it to stop? Because I have been there, a time or two, and with my experiences, I have developed some knowledge on how to successfully break up with someone in a way that is considerate, but also sticks.
Of course, we all know that with loving, there comes a risk of heartbreak, and that’s okay. You can’t beat yourself up for needing to stand up for yourself and set boundaries that are beneficial to you. You don’t always have to care about others more than yourself– sometimes you need to put yourself first.
That is valid. That is acceptable. That is okay. That is justified. That is what is best for you, and they’re going to just have to deal with the fact that you are finally starting to care about yourself and put your needs in a position to finally get supported.
Keep reading to find out some of my tips (formed from heart-wrenching experiences) on how to properly break up with someone!
The Right Time, The Right Place.
This is one of the first steps to breaking up with someone in a GOOD way. You need to know that there is a right time and a right place. But it’s not the right time and right place for your partner, it’s for YOU.
That was one of the biggest things in a break up I went through a few years ago; I was always putting it off and suffering longer because the timing never seemed right. Either my partner was going through it, and I didn’t want to add more fuel to his fire, or everything was going “right,” and I felt the need to suppress my true feelings that I had felt for months in order to spare his feelings.
That is not ok. Of course, this entire article is my opinion so at the end of the day you need to do what you need to do, but in my experiences, there is never going to be a right time, and if you keep waiting, you are going to feel the full effects of that mental strain for a lot longer than you need to– the consequences of waiting could be far worse than getting it over with and starting recovery asap.
Think About It For A Month.
This suggestion is something I acted out, and I am really glad that I did. But this only applies to situations in which you aren’t in a dangerous situation– if you are seek help immediately from family and friends and trusted individuals in your life (hotlines as well).
If you are on the fence about a break up, or if you aren’t entirely sure it’s what you want to do, think about it! Write down how you feel daily in a journal, and come to a conclusion based on how you feel in your heart.
Love doesn’t keep score so I’m not saying to write down everything they’ve ever done wrong, but definitely make sure this permanent decision is what you want to do. Make sure your opinion isn’t influenced by those around you!
Write Out Your Boundaries And Stay Strong
This is a BIG one. In a lot of situations where a break up is necessary, oftentimes it is so difficult to find the words to explain yourself, express your feelings and wants and needs, but also to remain firm in them.
You have obviously come to this conclusion that the inevitable has arrived and that it’s time for a clean break, if your partner has not given you all that you have needed and asked for, so explain that.
Before break ups I have gone through in the past, I have written out what my boundaries were, almost as if I was practicing a speech, so I could make sure I was clear when the time for the actual break up was near. This is mainly because I struggle with getting my point across and I usually get flustered in tough situations, but it’s helpful to anyone!
The stand strong aspect will be hard, but it is worth it and necessary! You don’t need to put up with any of their fake apologies or excuses for their behavior. Remember to stay strong and don’t waiver!
Be Respectful, And Be Loving!
During the actual break up speech or moment, it’s often a very emotional time, and sometimes we forget that we love and loved that person, and we can get frustrated or lash out because we are hurt; remember to be kind!
You are doing this out of love for yourself and love for the other person in acknowledging that you are both better off in the long run finding other people that would be happier finding someone else to support them in ways you each couldn’t support each other!
Breaking up doesn’t have to end badly (unless circumstances demand otherwise). You can both be respectful, loving, and maybe be friends later down the line!
Be Gracious.
This suggestion is something that I struggled with a lot in a particular break up. You need to not be too hard on yourself! You are finally putting yourself first and that is such an admirable trait, and you will be much better off!
You are going to need to go through whatever your grieving process may be, but during that time it is imperative that you cut yourself some slack and know that this is not the end of your ex’s world. They will move on, they will be okay, and you didn’t just ruin their life! You are doing the right thing for both of you! Be gracious to yourself.
Get Your Stuff Back, Co-Parent The Dog.
My last suggestion is a light-hearted way to end this article because breaking up is hard and going from lovers to nothing is difficult for anyone, but make sure to get the stuff you want! I shared an apartment with a previous partner and the break up was so bad I had to pay so many fees to break an apartment lease!
Make sure you get all those sweaters back that you love, and if you co-own anything, respectfully workout a system to ensure that both of you are being treated fairly in this split! Remember the love you shared when this is all going down! You got this.
Overall, breakups are hard! Be kind to yourself, your heart, mind, soul, and body! Remember your worth and value and don’t settle for anything less because you truly are a gem! I hope these tips help you through that tough situation! You got this.
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